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“But that doesn’t make it any less scary. I’m convinced I’m going to fuck it up again.” “In what way?” she asks gently. “Everyone makes mistakes, and no relationship is perfect.”
“Fuck it up like, not be enough for her or what she needs.”
“This is noteworthy progress, Nash. We went from a general fear to one that’s quite specific. You said you were scared of getting hurt, but it sounds more like you’re scared of hurting Violet. Does that resonate with you at all?”
“Kind of,” I admit. “I don’t want to be Doug version two-point-zero.” The words hang in the air, and Marie’s expression softens. “You’re not your father, Nash.”
“What do you think will happen if you don’t let Violet in? If you continue this pattern of behavior from before where you push her away when you get too close?” “I’ll lose her again.” Justifiably so.
“Would that hurt?”
“Yes.”
I can’t get that kiss out of my head.
If kissing Nash was better than ever, what would everything else be like?
“Nash and I kissed,” I blurt. “At Marcus’s party last weekend.”
My intention was to give him shit but then it turned all flirty and hot, and he kissed me.”
“Did you kiss him back?” Julianna presses. “What do you think?”
“Of course, I did. It’s Nash. He’s my own personal brand of heroin.”
“My brain is saying one thing, but my heart is saying something else.” “Just to clarify,” Claire says, “is it your heart or your vagina talking?”
“Maybe it’s both. But they’ve got some strong opinions.”
“We were in the middle of something, Richards.” “It’s almost like that’s the point, huh?” Nash smirks, but there’s malice behind it.
“If you danced with Mr. Rogers over there, you definitely have to dance with me.”
Heat laces my cheeks, and I blink at him blankly.
“Careful where you put that hand. I don’t want people to think we’re being inappropriate.”
his presence so overpowering that it eclipses nearly everything else, including my ability to think. If I let myself, it would be all too easy to forget we
have an audience and nestle into the crook of his arm where I already know I fit perfectly. “It’s just a dance.” I glance up at him, and when our eyes lock, my pulse stutters like a polygraph. We both know there is no scenario where we are “just” dancing. I’m excruciatingly aware of how close we are, of the heat of his bo...
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“That was less than half a song,” he says simply. “Doesn’t count.”
“Believe it or not,” Nash says quietly, “I remember you telling me that before.”
“You do?” It’s a small detail, not one that I’d expect him to remember. He expertly guides me in a turn. “We were in my dorm room, right before winter break.”
“In the blanket fort.” It’s one of my favorite memories from our relationship.
When I came over, Nash surprised me with a blanket fort constructed from artfully draped sheets and clothespins, decorated with soft twinkle lights and extra pillows that he’d bought. To this day, it’s still the best blanket fort I’ve ever seen. Maybe that’s the engineer in him. We snuggled inside and streamed Netflix on his laptop while sharing Skittles and popcorn, making out so much that we missed half of what we were supposed to be watching. There was some sex thrown in there too, obviously, but it was more about the closeness and cuddling.
In addition to kissing for hours at a time tucked away in the fort, he took me skating beneath the stars the first night. Out to dinner at my favorite restaurant the second, and then to the see Christmas lights display downtown with hot chocolate for dessert. That was when I knew I loved him.
swallow hard, finding him watching me with his dark green eyes clouded over.
“I’m sorry, Vi.” “For what?” I whisper.
“Everything.” A terse frown brackets his mouth. “For how things ended. All of it.”
“You mean when you bailed on our plans for Easter to go on a road trip with your buddies?”
“God, I was such a dick.”
“This probably won’t make sense, but nothing I ever did was a reflection of how I felt for you or meant that I didn’t care.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I know this will sound like a cop-out, but the parent thing is…it’s hard for me.”
“You mean because of your mom?” I ask softly.
Nash shrugs, breaking away from my gaze, and pulls me closer to him again. His lack of confirmation leaves me wondering what part of meeting my family was such an issue, and why. While he’s hinted at not getting along with his father, I’m starting to think it might
“While we’re on the subject of the past, why did you end up with Jay so quickly after we broke up?”
“It was a distraction, I guess, which was crappy of me.”
“But I couldn’t take the back and forth with you anymore, so I decided to try to force myself to move on. Didn’t work, though.” “It stung, Vi. I mean…I know I drove you away,
you were never replaceable to me.”
“Trust me, you weren’t replaceable to me, either.” He still isn’t.
“We should get back.” His fingers circle my wrist, tugging. “Let’s get a drink first.”
“It’s just a lot. You’re a lot.” “Not trying to be, Vi. I just fucking missed you.”
“You’re beautiful.” I brush a lock of hair off her forehead, and a soft smile forms on her lips, her expression shifting into one that I know well. Cupping her chin, I bring my mouth to hers. Her long, dark lashes lower, her breath a gentle puff of air against my skin. I pause, savoring the moment between the kiss and the before.
As if drawn by magnetism, our lips crash together and my entire world lights up, a rush of desire surging through my veins. Violet lets out a little sigh, parting her lips, and my tongue sweeps against hers, our mouths moving in perfect synchrony. She tastes fucking delicious, like spiked apple cider and traces of cotton candy. But there’s an undercurrent of bittersweet, of
lost chances and wasted time, and I only have myself to blame for that.
She shifts her weight and leans in, pressing her chest against mine. The contact sends my body from zero to one hundred in a heartbeat, an effect only she’s ever had. My hand slips beneath her coat, landing over her knit sweater, and she draws in a soft breath as I caress the familiar contour where her waist curves into her hip. It’s like it was created specifically for me to hold her right there.
My body says, her. This is the one, right here.
“No, no, no.”
