Apocalypticon

by Clayton Smith

“Yes,” he said, “I could probably design something for the right amount of compensation.” “Two bottles of red wine and a sack of rice?” “How about three bottles of red wine, a sack full of canned chili, two bladed weapons, and a corkscrew?” “Two bottles, six cans of food, one blunt weapon, and a bent nail.” “A bent nail?” “Closest thing we got to a corkscrew.” “Hmm.” Patrick tossed the offer around in his head. “Three bottles, five cans of food, one bladed weapon, and hell, I’ll take the nail.” He stuck out his hand. Horace considered the offer, then grasped it. “Deal.”

“My addiction to movies and television has left me entirely unprepared for the harsh realities of post-apocalyptic life.” “Which is strange, considering just how many popular stories took place in post-apocalyptic times.” “Yeah. You’d think somebody would’ve gotten it right.”

“Yes. I am completely amazed by these lunatics’ ability to be scientifically inaccurate about absolutely everything,”