WHAT LIFE COULD MEAN TO YOU (Timeless Wisdom Collection Book 196)

by Alfred Adler

If he feels unequal to the problems of occupation, he may attempt to reassure himself of his importan...

The inferiority complex appears before a problem for which an individual is not properly adapted or equipped, and expresses his conviction that he is unable to solve it.

anger can be as much an expression of an inferiority complex as tears or apologies.

As inferiority feelings always produce tension, there will always be a compensatory movement towards a feeling of superiority; but it will no longer be directed towards solving the problem. The movement towards superiority will thus be towards the useless side of life. The real problem will be shelved or excluded. The individual will try to restrict his fie...

suicide is always a reproach or a revenge.

confines himself to circumstances in which he feels able to dominate.

Whether he dominates by bullying or by whining will depend on his training: he will choose the device which he has tested best and found most effective for his purposes. Sometimes, if he is dissatisfied with one method, he will try the other. In either case the goal is the same — to gain a feeling of superiority without working to improve the situation.

The discouraged child which finds that it can tyrannize best by tears will be a cry-baby; and a direct line of development leads from the cry-baby to the adult melancholiac.

Tears and complaints — the means which I have called " water power "— can be an extremely capable weapon for disturbing cooperation and reducing others to a condition of slavery. With such people, as with those who suffer from shyness, embarrassment and feelings of guilt, we should find the inferiority complex on the surface; they would readily admit their weakness and their inability to look after themselves. What the...

A child given to boasting, on the other hand, displays its superiority complex at first view; if we examined its behavior rather than its words, we should soon dis...

In the speech of the stammerer we can see his hesitating attitude. His residue of social feeling drives him to make connection with his fellows, but his low opinion of himself, his fear of coming to the test, conflicts with his social feeling, and he hesitates in his speech.

inferiority feelings are not in themselves abnormal. They are the cause of all improvements in the position of mankind.

Striving will continue in any case; but with the cooperative individual it will be hopeful and contributory striving, directed towards a real improvement of our common situation.

If we could imagine a single individual, or mankind on the whole, as having reached a position where there were no further difficulties, we should think that life in those circumstances must be very dull. Everything then could be foreseen, everything calculated in advance. To-morrow would bring no unexpected opportunities; there would be nothing to look forward to in the future. Our interest in life comes mainly from our lack of certainty. If we were all sure, if we knew everything, there would no longer be discussions or discoveries. Science would have come to an end; the universe around us would be nothing but a twice -told tale. Art and religion, which cheer us with the imagination of our unattained goals, would no longer have any meaning.

We must still look for the underlying coherence, for the unity of the personality. This unity is fixed in all its expressions.

Once the goal of superiority has been made concrete, there are no mistakes made in the style of life. The habits and symptoms of the individual are precisely right for attaining his concrete goal;

It is impossible to attack his symptoms by themselves; they are exactly the symptoms he ought to have for such a goal.

Till the present day, the usual treatment has been to attack the symptom. To this attitude Individual Psychology is entirely opposed, both in medicine and in education.

If we check him at one point, he will find a new way to reach his goal.

But, so long as his goal remains the same, if he gives up one symptom he must find another.

So long as his goal remains the same, he must continue to pursue it.

What we must always look for is the purpose for which the symptom is adopted and the coherence of this purpose with the general goal of superiority.

Only on one point would I be crazy — my interpretation of superiority. If I could be convinced that my concrete goal was badly chosen, then I could change my activity.

It is the same with every neurotic: nothing is wrong with his choice of means — they are beyond criticism. It is only his concrete goal we can improve. With a change of goal, the mental habits and attitudes will also change. He will no longer need the old habits and attitudes, and new ones, fitted to his new goal, will take their place.

No one can understand the grown-up who does not learn to understand the child.

many people feel weak if they are in love; and to a certain degree they are right. If we are in love we must be tender, and our interest in another human being leaves us open to disturbance. It is only the individual whose goal of superiority is, “I must never be weak, I must never be exposed”, who will avoid the mutual dependence of love.

When children commit thefts or other delinquencies, it is usually for revenge.

If ever we hear of a case of lying, we must look for a severe parent. A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.

The only individuals who can really meet and master the problems of life, however, are those who show in their striving a tendency to enrich all others, who go ahead in such a way that others benefit also.

If we approach people in the right way, we shall not find them hard to convince.

All human judgments of value and success are founded, in the end, upon cooperation; this is the great shared...

All that we ask of conduct, of ideals, of goals, of actions and traits of character, is that they should serv...

We shall never find a man who is completely devoid o...

In all these special goals we can see, together with a real compensation, some exclusion of possibilities, some training towards self-limitation. We can understand, for example, that a philosopher must really from time to time exile himself from society to think and to write his books. But the mistake involved is never great if a high degree of social feeling is bound up with the goal of superiority. Our cooperation has need of many different excellences.

Since the struggle to reach a position of vantage is the key to the whole personality, we shall meet it at every point of the individual's psychic life. To recognize this fact gives us two great aids in our task of understanding an individual style of life. First, we can begin wherever we choose: every expression will lead us in the same direction — towards the one motive, the one melody, around which the personality is built. Secondly, we are provided with a vast store of material. Every word, thought, feeling or gesture contributes to our understanding. Any mistake we might make in considering one expression too hastily can be checked and corrected by a thousand other expressions. We cannot finally decide the meaning of one expression until we can see its part in the whole; but every expression is saying the same thing, every expression is urging us towards the solution.

We must listen always for the whole. We must be skeptical until the key becomes self-evident. We must gather hints from a multitude of small signs

On one point we may go astray, but others are always forthcoming to correct or confirm us.

We can succeed only if we are genuinely interested in the other. We must be able to see with his eyes and listen with his ears. He must contribute his part to our common understanding. We must work out his attitudes and his difficulties together. Even if we felt we had understood him, we should have no witness that we were right unless he also understood. A tact less truth can never be the whole truth; it shows that our understanding was not sufficient.

We shall not be able to help him either by spoiling him or by slighting him: we must show him the interest of one man towards a fellow man. No interest could be truer or more objective. We must cooperate with him in finding his mistakes, both for his own benefit and for the welfare of others.

His memories are the reminders

of his own limits and of the meaning of circumstances.

he chooses to remember only those which he feels, however darkly, to have a bearing on his situation.

Memories can never run counter to the style of life.

In so far as his style of life alters, his memories also will alter; he will remember different incidents, or he will put a different interpretation on the incidents he remembers.

Early recollections have especial significance. To begin with, they show the style of life in its origins and in, its simplest expressions. We can judge from them whether the child was pampered or neglected; how far he was training for cooperation with others; with whom he preferred to cooperate; what problems confronted him, and how he struggled against them.

Events remembered from childhood must be very near to the main interest of the individual; and if we know his main interest we know his goal and his style of life.

It is comparatively indifferent whether the memories are accurate or inaccurate; what is of most value about them is that they represent the individual's judgment,

The first memory will show the individual's fundamental view of life; his first satisfactory crystallization of his attitude.

If the child turns to the father, the mother has lost the game. The child is not satisfied with its situation. This is generally the result of the birth of a younger child.

When a child stammers, it is generally because too great an interest was shown in its speech. Instead of communicating with others naturally and without stress, it was taught to be self-conscious and to look for appreciation.