-Tell the student body we are going to “clobber the fuck out of those Mount Sinai douche-bitches” -Call Fr. Simon “Mother Simon,” then pretend you just got confused -When Clay speaks, stand at the back of the gym and shout, “He doesn’t even go here!” -When Hot Little Mary runs in, tackle him/her/it to the ground, then yell for back-up -End the speech by invoking prayers for the football players’ herpes outbreak; proclaim your faith that their discomfort will not prevent them from winning Good luck, you’ll be awesome. PS please don’t lose this note, as it might result in my being suspended
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