Her Name in the Sky

by Kelly Quindlen

and Hannah feels content just to be together, just to have another Friday night sleepover in which Baker will borrow

one of Hannah’s t-shirts to sleep in, and Hannah will turn the ceiling fan on high because Baker likes it that way, and they’ll fall asleep with some sitcom episode playing through Hulu on Hannah’s laptop.

“You’re so much better than you even know,” Hannah says one afternoon when they’re sitting in Baker’s car, talking through Baker’s latest argument with her mom. “You’re just—you’re so—I wish you could believe me—” “What’s funny,” Baker says, blinking down at their sun-spoiled sweet teas in the console, “is that, when I tell you these same things about yourself, I wish you could believe me, too.”

“I’m surprised you got Butterfinger,” Hannah says. “I thought you liked Oreo better.” “Yeah, but you like Butterfinger better,” Baker says.

But while the whole earth prepares for spring, Hannah feels a great anxiety in her heart, for something dangerous has grown in her, something she never planted or even wanted to plant. It’s there. She knows it’s there. If she’s truthful with herself, she’s probably known all along. But now, as the days grow longer

and the Garden District grows greener, she can actually see it. It has sprung up at last, and it refuses to be unseen. She tells herself it’s passing. It’s temporary. It’s intensified only because she’s a senior and all of her emotions are heightened. It’s innocent. It’s typical for a girl her age. It’s no more or no less of a feeling than everyone else has had at 17.

“Do you really feel scared?” Baker asks, when they’re calm. “All the time.” Hannah looks down at her. “But I still feel this—this pull towards you. Like I want to be around you every second. Like I can’t be away.”

Do you ever think about how crazy that is?—Our miraculous capacity to love? We don't know why, we don’t know how, but our hearts and souls are drawn to others. We weren’t made to be alone. We were made to love. And when we love, we automatically know God without even trying to, because God is love. If we love as he made us to love—if we love with our hearts instead of our criteria—then we simply are love.”

“I can tell you that I believe—that the human heart’s mysterious ability to love others is never wrong. Your heart will never ask your permission to love. It’s going to love whomever it was made to love, and the best thing you can do is follow it.”