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February 9 - February 11, 2025
“If I don’t marry you—and that’s a big fucking if—I’ll make the worst husband in the entire world. Because I’ll spend every second of every minute thinking about you. When I make her laugh, it’s your giggles I’ll hear. When I kiss her, it’s your lips I’ll feel. And when I slide deep inside her, it’s your pussy I’ll imagine, dripping wet around my cock. You’ve ruined me, Briar. Completely and utterly destroyed me for every other woman on this planet. It’s you or nothing.”
Briar Auer: You are terrible friends. Dallas Costa: I flew you to Texas when you were a perfect stranger! Farrow Ballantine-Sun: I LEFT THE HOUSE FOR YOU. SEVERAL TIMES.
I tried to break up with him, he refused, then he kissed me so thoroughly I couldn’t help but agree to a long-distance relationship again on a trial basis.
“Have you ever been to Waco?” “I meant work-related.” “I’m your boss. Everything I say to you is work-related.”
“Don’t do anything illegal. I’m not bailing you out of jail.” “I have friends for that.”
“Is that concern I hear in your voice?” “It’s self-preservation. You look like shit.”
“Where are you going?” “Texas.” “What the hell is in Texas?” Petty revenge.
The past is a chapter, not the entire story. Stop letting it decide the next pages.
“Where did Eli go?” “To plant a tree for you to hug. His words, not mine. You let him speak to you like that?”
Sometimes things that never happened haunt you more than the things that did.
“This hallucination sounds an awful lot like an intervention.”
“I know we’re awful at showing it, but your mom and I love you.”
Be real. You’re not coming to visit Briar. You just want a cheese roll from Porto’s.
Frankie Townsend: not my fault i got fired again Dallas Costa: You failed five phishing tests for a TECH company.
the last one was impossible. they were offering free tickets to see taylor. not even a nun could resist clicking that link.
“Are you singlehandedly reviving the alcohol industry?” “The alcohol industry needs no reviving.”
“What are you doing?” I stared up at the clouds. “Waiting for the flying pigs to pass by.”
“You left your cave.” “Yeah, well…someone has to make sure you don’t drown in a pool of your own puke.”
“Since when do you do charity work?” “Since my sole source of groceries turned into a drunk cliché from a direct-to-cable movie.”
mean, seriously… Sitting in the dark, guzzling whiskey by the gallon, and staring into the lake? What’s next? You gonna write her a sad letter, tuck it inside a glass bottle, and throw it in the water? I’ve seen the movie. Spoiler alert: she never reads it.” “Tempting. Maybe I’ll throw myself in while I’m at it.”
“Let’s refrain from the dramatic gestures. You’re kinda monopolizing the drama in this family...
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“Eh. You’re a shitty genre. Too much tragedy. Not enough explosions.”
“You’re a terrible hallucination.” “That’s ‘cause I’m not a hallucination.”
“This is unsustainable.” “My liver says otherwise.”
“You’re a terrible therapist, Seb.” “From all the terrible therapy you forced on me. It’s called osmosis.”
“I thought you were allergic to manual labor.” “I make exceptions for kidnapping.”
Suffering through my third intervention in just five days sat somewhere on my to-do list above eating gas station sushi and below getting a root canal.
“Technically not a kidnapping.” Zach popped open the trunk, bathing me in sunlight. “We’re your best friends. You consented by proximity.”
“You were always the glue that held us together. We both knew that if you fell apart, there’d be nothing left. I’d mope around in my home all day, and Romeo would probably end up in jail for murdering his father.”
That, over the years, I’d convinced myself to stop waiting to be seen, claimed, loved.
“Family has nothing to do with blood. It’s about the people who enter your life and fill up empty spaces you didn’t know existed until you can’t imagine life without them.”
“Love it.” I hopped inside and stabbed the lobby button. “It’s always been my dream to live in a storage unit.”
“The only one who needs therapy here is you. For your chronic lease-breaking addiction.”
“Did you think my double-XL cock warmer made itself?”
“Time out.” I held up a hand to stop her. “We need a make-out break before we start arguing. I haven’t seen you in thirty fucking days, and I’m about two seconds from falling to my knees and begging to touch you. Personally, I’m game, but I figured you’d rather not make TMZ headlines.”
“I bet your right hand is tired from its thirty-day workout challenge.”
“Like watching a reality show meltdown.” Zach dug his fist into her popcorn bag. “Minus the commercial breaks.” “I’ll never understand the appeal.” Romeo crossed his legs on the coffee table, tossing a stress ball up and down. “Too much drama. Not enough plot.”
She would make the best mother. Hopefully, to five kids who all looked exactly like her. And maybe one with my knack for turning everything into a disaster. Just to keep us humble.
“It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. You can’t give, and give, and give all the time. That’s unsustainable. Sometimes, you have to be selfish enough to keep a part of yourself, so you’ll have something left to give.”
“Close proximity to teens is unparalleled birth control.”
“Is that…comic sans?” Briar bit her lip, stifling a giggle. “That should be illegal.” “I didn’t want to overwhelm you with Helvetica.”
“Once you enter the group chat, you can’t escape.
Well, I’m done. I’m done pretending I can live without you. You’re not a chapter in my life. You’re the whole damn story.”
I didn’t fall for you. I crash-landed without a parachute.”
“You’ve been my safe space since the day we met.” “And you’re mine.”
This time, I made the right decision. I chose her over the world.
I’ll be there in twenty. If I show up to an empty table, I’m suing you all for emotional distress.
“This is your first time hosting Thanksgiving dinner. You can’t disappear. Someone has to keep the pie safe from Dallas.”
“I’m not stepping between that woman and her spiced pumpkin pie with a bulletproof vest, a first-aid kit, and a new pair of running shoes.”
“If you two are gonna fuck on my property, at least roll out a blanket to catch the fluids.”
