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“I want to remember.” Briar stepped away from me, shooting me a glare. “Yes, my head hurts, but this is vital if I want to remember. It feels like ages since I woke up from my coma, yet I’ve had no progress. You don’t understand what it’s like to not have your memories. My memories are me.”
To be honest, his surprise arrival hadn’t pissed me off that much. It was kind of romantic, in an enough-red-flags-to-be-mistaken-for-a-carnival kind of way.
Actually, I couldn’t believe this was the same Oliver von Bismarck I’d pined over as a child. What happened to him?
Maybe that came with the territory of growing up and discovering ourselves. Maybe love changed with age and became less about filling gaps and more about building something whole. Or maybe love simply changed when it stopped being a need and started becoming a choice.
Fifteen years ago, Oliver von Bismarck abandoned me. This time, I would be the one to leave. But not before inflicting him with a wound deeper than the one he’d given me.
“Because you made me one,” he roared. “You’re always such a good boy, Oliver. Steady girlfriend. Good grades. Responsible. Goofy. Everyone’s friend. Do you know what it takes to get noticed as the second child?”
He was never going to forgive me. What started as a sibling rivalry officially graduated into pure, unadulterated hatred. I ruined my baby brother’s life. And there was nothing I could do to change it.
down the corridor. “Nothing will make me look like I once did. I want my old face back. I want my old life back. If it’s scraps or nothing, I choose nothing at all.”
“I don’t care what I did to you almost two fucking decades ago, Sebastian.” I stabbed a finger into his chest. “It was a mistake, and I pay for it every day. Dearly. I said my sorrys. I say them all the time. But I am telling you now, if you hurt this woman, I am going to destroy you and not leave anything behind for anyone else to tarnish. You understand?”
“You took away any chance at happiness I had. I’m taking away yours. Leave Briar Rose, live your miserable life without her, and remember what it’s like to have what you care most about ripped away from you.”
“He wouldn’t have me, and I know why. It’s because he is obsessed with you.” Frankie hiked up her dress to run faster. “He’s always been obsessed with you. I realized it when I saw the two of you at the hotel for the first time. You’re it. Everyone else was just a distraction.”
did not plan for my fiancé’s “mistress” to chase after me in tears. I did not plan for my so-called besties to enjoy being roasted. I did not plan for Oliver’s best friends to indulge my outlandish claims.
He’d become a completely different person to the kid I’d fallen in love with, but I was still me. The girl who’d gotten rejected by everyone she’d ever loved—her mother, her father, her biological dad, and her first love.
The truth was, no one’s body was perfect. Even my clients, the most gorgeous people on Planet Earth, still struggled with insecurities.
“Actually…” His voice turned metallic, and just like that, he rose to his feet, tugging me up with him. “I think it will hurt you much more if I keep you alive and force you to watch my face day in and day out. Let the guilt consume you from the inside. It’s proved to be a great method so far.”
Oliver von Bismarck would not find his way back into my heart. He couldn’t. I’d already locked it up and threw away the key.
“You let me fuck you.” I paused. “One time. Anywhere I want. Any time I want. Might be in a room full of people, or in the middle of the desert. You won’t say no. Let me show you what we were. That we can still have it.” I sucked in a breath. “That this is real.”
Truth was, when it came to her, I wanted everything and nothing at all. She fascinated and frightened me. Lured me in and scared me away.
He knew my situation. He took my virginity and bailed to America, leaving me without clothing to go home in. The boy I gave my heart and soul to turned out to be nothing but a hedonistic bastard.
What I want, I take. And what I’ve always wanted is right in front of me. You. If you don’t want me, you better run fast and hide well. Because once I’ve had a taste of you again, I am not letting you go.”
It was becoming clear that Oliver wouldn’t let me go this time. Problem was—I didn’t want to run away, either.
“Seriously, Oliver? You wrecked my world, ghosted me when I tried to confront you about it, then rejected me, even when I swallowed my pride and showed up on your doorsteps. You made a joke out of me. You obviously don’t respect me. And now you won’t even admit it?”
I was only human. But that didn’t mean I totally forgave him, just because he hadn’t cheated on me. He still dumped me without a word.
“You wanted a normal childhood, and I’m fucking furious your parents were too selfish to give it to you. But I promise that if you give me a chance, I won’t blow it. I’ll give our children love. They’ll have birthday cakes, and ugly Christmas sweaters, and a stable childhood in one place they recognize and love. There will be fights, and sleepless nights, and days rolling on hills, and family picnics, and movie binges on a loop. And we will do all of it together.”
“It’s not for you to decide whether you’re forgiven. It’s for him. Forgiveness belongs to the wounded, not the one who caused the wound.” I squeezed his fist. “Now, tell me what happened.”
“Because he was right. I ruin things. I don’t deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be with someone who can care for you. Not someone bound to spend the next five years in constant doctor appointments and training to take over a company he never even wanted in the first place.”
“You would’ve upended your life to mold yourself around me, just like you did when you chose Harvard. You were so beautiful, and independent, and full of life. But you were also so desperate for someone to love you that you would’ve given up everything—including your identity—to be with me.”
“I didn’t believe I deserved you, Cuddlebug. It’s never been about whether I love you enough. It’s that I love you too much. Nothing I could offer you would ever be enough. You deserve everything, and I had none of it, especially with everything life laid on me. I wanted more for you than…well, myself.”
“In fact, even now, I still don’t believe I deserve you. The difference is that I’ve grown up. I realize now that just being here matters most. Waking up and doing my best for you every morning, because I love to see you smile.”
“You were all I could ever think of. Even now. All these years later. For the longest time, I thought of you as a shadow following me. But you’re not the shadow. I am. You are the living, breathing organism inside of me. I’m just here for the ride.”
“This is how it should have been that first time.” Ollie stared deep into my eyes as he carried me to bed. “Perfect. Just like you.” “Ollie.” I looped my arms around his neck. “It was still perfect at the time. I don’t regret losing my virginity to you, even if my heart broke after. In that moment, for the first time in my life, I felt whole. I wouldn’t trade it for any other memory in the world.”
There was no one else. There never was. It was always Oliver von Bismarck.
The truth was, I never stopped loving him.
She wouldn’t—and shouldn’t—give up her Hollywood career for me, and I couldn’t—and wouldn’t—leave Sebastian here on his own.
“Love.” I grinned, depositing them into the welcome hands of their gas guzzlers. “Mine came back to me, and I’m never letting her go.”
But where? My blood ran cold, freezing into icicles in my veins. No. No fucking way. She wouldn’t. But of course, she would. She wasn’t Briar Rose. She was Briar.
“You have no right to decide where and when I speak to you. I’m not a child anymore. I don’t need to ask for permission to broach a subject. Either answer me and I’ll consider inviting you to my wedding, or don’t and bear the consequences.”
like a thin twig. “I want you to know that, regardless of your relationship with my son, you always have a shoulder to cry on with me. You can always come to me for anything.”
“I know who you are, Sebastian von Bismarck. Know who you were. You won’t be perfect again, but I can get you close. You can be your own version of imperfect, which is beautiful as well.”
“That’s right, sweetheart.” Seb got in her face, stopping a mere inch apart. “Take a good look. Have your fill. This is what a monster looks like. A demon. A freak of nature. Take it all in.”
All I wanted was to make shit better for him. And I’d failed spectacularly. Again. He wasn’t ready. And, deep down, I wondered if he never would be.
“You were always his one and only. I saw how depressed he was after you two broke up. He never fully recovered. Not until you came back. I haven’t seen him this happy since…” She stopped, frowning to think about it. “Honestly, ever.”
“I’m going, I’m going.” I waved a dismissive hand in his face, still laser-focused on that detail. “I just want to say one last thing, because I know he’s listening. You got what you wanted, Oliver. You are officially dead to me. I am never going to forgive you. I am never going to accept your apology, should you issue one. You ruined everything. Congratulations. You became as bad as Seb.”
“Because you love him.” I drew circles on his back, trying to comfort him. “You’re happiest when the people you love are happy. That’s who you are. You won’t stop until you see Sebastian smile again. Every day, not just for a moment because I managed to distract him with my incomparable charm.”
moment, that Oliver von Bismarck and I didn’t stand a chance. What I loved most about Oliver—what I’d always loved the most—was his willingness to sacrifice his own happiness for the people he loved. If I asked him to choose me, I’d be asking him to become someone else. He needed to stay here for Sebastian. I needed to choose myself for once. These were the right decisions, so why did they feel so wrong?
it changed nothing. “I never stopped. No matter how hard I tried. No matter how thoroughly I convinced myself I despised you. I never did.”
“I love you. I am crazy about you. I am never letting you go again. Marry me. For real. I can make you happy. I know I can, because I’m willing to dedicate my entire life to making it happen.” His trembling fingers pinched my chin, tilting it up. “Give me another chance. I won’t blow it.”
“I’m obsessed with every fiber of your body, Briar.” “What a coincidence.” My teeth grazed his shoulder. “Every fiber of my body is obsessed with you.”
“Nothing. You get to live your happily-ever-after with someone else. I’d never hurt you. To me, however?” Ollie jerked inside me, quicker, more erratic, losing his rhythm alongside his self-control. “I’ll be finished. You have that power over me. To end my life as I know it.”
I could live inside you. Scream my name around my cock. So tight, and perfect, and mine. Be a good girl and make me come.
