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January 1 - January 7, 2024
“You say Kit’s not good enough, but he’s the one who’s been here for me this entire summer.” “Because you fucking pushed me away!”
“How else am I supposed to tell my brother that I was raped?!”
Hayes turns to Kit, but his head remains lowered, eyes downturned. “Did you know?”
I’ve never felt the lack of someone’s presence so heavily before. And I’m afraid that I’ll have to get used to that feeling.
“We’re all broken, Princess,”
“I was—I still am—but you fixed that part of me. You showed me what it means to be loved. You patched those empty holes inside of me with your compassion, your selflessness, your generosity. You’ve given my heart a reason to beat. Nothing can compare to being loved by someone as incredible as you. People wait decades to find their other half, and some go their whole life without ever meeting them. But by some miracle, which I definitely never deserved, you found your way to me.”
“You’re being too…nice…to me!”
“Just for the record, I’m always nice to you.”
“He’ll see how much stronger you’ve become.”
“Thank you for always being there, Kit.”
“Nothing in this world could keep me away from you, Princess.”
“It’s a sandwich.” “Uh-huh. Very perceptive.” “You can’t feed someone a sandwich.”
“Jesus, woman. Just let me take care of you,”
I’m going to marry this girl one day.
I can’t imagine not waking up beside her in the morning, not kissing her as many times a day as possible, not seeing her rooting for me in the stands at my games, not ending the night with her in my arms as we fall asleep together. A future without her just doesn’t exist.
It’s time he pulls his head out of his ass and talks to her. I’ve given him space to cool down (enough, if I say so myself).
I don’t give a rat’s ass if he forgives me or not. He just needs to make things right with her.
I feel like I’ve just walked into the lion’s den. A den that belongs to a starving, bloodthirsty lion that’ll have no problem sucking the skin off my bones and leaving my carcass to rot.
and my heart nearly falls out of my ass.
I’ve been so oblivious this entire time while she’s been crumbling to goddamn pieces.”
I embrace Hayes in a hug, trying to funnel his pain into my own veins, to offer him a reprieve from the wellspring of emotions inside him. He clings to me tightly—as if he’ll collapse if he doesn’t—and his chest heaves against mine, each haunting howl that crackles his voice making my heart splinter.
“You didn’t fail he...
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“I can’t believe I yelled at her. I yelled at her for getting raped. I’m the worst brother of all time,”
“I was wrong, Kit.”
“I don’t just owe Faye an apology. I owe you one too,”
“I do. You were there for Faye when I couldn’t be. You took care of her, even knowing that I’d lose my shit if I found out that you two were together.”
“I was wrong when I said you weren’t good enough for her. I was wrong to assume things about you that aren’t true anymore. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ve always been protective of Faye, but in doing so, I guess I kept her from getting close to anyone.”
“If I’m being honest, I didn’t think it would last this long. I thought for sure your sister would’ve kicked me to the curb by now.”
“That never would’ve happened. When Faye loves someone, she’s with them until the very end.”
“You know, I should’ve seen it coming sooner.”
“The incident with KJ, you choosing her during Gage’s drinking game, you giving her your room, you missing practices, how you’d mysteriously disappear from the couch late at night and never return.”
I don’t think I’m pink anymore—I’m bullseye red.
His head snaps to the penalty box. Then to me. Then the box. Then me.
The proof is in the panties.
“That was definitely a one-time thing,”
“I am so, so sorry. I have no excuse for the way I treated you. I should’ve never yelled. I should’ve listened. I was a fucking terrible brother. I was so upset that I overlooked what really mattered in the moment, and that was making sure that you were okay. I just…everything happened so quickly. I panicked, and I lashed out, and you didn’t deserve that at all.”
“I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so badly. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. It’s not that I was afraid of how you’d react—it’s that I was afraid of how you’d see me,”
“Faye, I would never see you any differently. I know you think that you’re only a responsibility to me, but you’re not. You’re my sister. You’re the most important person in my life.”
I love him so much, Hayes. I wasn’t ready to let him go. If it came down to you and him, I wouldn’t be able to pick.”
“I’d never ask you to pick between us. All I’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy. And Kit makes you happy. That’s the best gift you could’ve ever given me.”
I’d never want to do anything to disappoint you.”
“You could never disappoint me. I’m so fucking proud of you. Proud of what you’ve accomplished, proud of who you’ve become. And your happiness matters to me just as much. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to find your person.”
There are times when I completely forget about the rape because he loves my body like it was never tainted in the first place.”
“There’s nothing tainted about you.”
“Kit’s shown me how to love myself again.”
Kit proved to me just how wrong I was. He doesn’t see me as a victim. He sees me as a survivor.
“Does this mean he’s the first boyfriend of mine that you won’t beat up?”
“Do you want to press charges?” he asks. “Uh, Kit kind of took care of it.”
“Remember when he came home with a bloody hand?”
My trauma doesn’t own me. It doesn’t define me.
