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December 27 - December 27, 2023
“You want to spend the rest of the night getting your stomach pumped in the ER?” I snort, feeling heat bloom up the back of my neck. “Sounds exciting.”
“Maybe I just don’t like you.” “I know I should feel emasculated, but that’s the hottest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“Look, I’m sure you’re a…pleasure…to talk to, but I’m not in the mood for whatever agenda you have tonight. I’ve had a shitty week, and I came to this bar to drink in peace and drown in my own existential crisis. Not to be peddled by an Abercrombie & Fitch model who’s trying to stick his three-inch punisher in anything that walks.”
“Is that your way of flirting with me? Dazzling me with an award-winning smile and hoping my jeans will just fly off like tear-away pants?”
I’ve found that when people ask how you’re doing, a lot of times they don’t really care how you answer. They only ask to be polite.
“It feels like you’re rubbing it in their face by being alive…like you’re disrespecting them by moving on.”
I stop in my tracks. I don’t know what it is about this girl, but she gets all my wires crossed.
Jesus, I need to be spayed.
Oh, great. I’m eating Dead Mom Pancakes. I’m the most ungrateful bitch alive.
This would be a good type of psychological torture for governments to employ wherever torture is even legal these days.
A Navy SEAL team couldn’t waterboard that picture out of me.
“You have a soft belly. That’s all it is. You need to eat. You should be consuming at least two thousand calories every day. I don’t care where those calories come from. If you want to eat your weight in chicken nuggets, I’ll buy you every single bag.”
he lights up like a proud little kid showing their parents the hand-painted turkey they made in art class.
I never used to get nervous around women before Aeris, but to this day, I still get butterflies when I’m around her.”
“Not sure what that has to do with this, but yes you are!”
“If they give me shit for this, I’m going to start spitting in their food.”
It’s like I’ve been following a broken compass this whole time, pointing me east, west, and south, but never north. Never true north. Never home. Aeris is home.
“Frankly, I don’t think you were harsh enough. I mean, if you weren’t still madly in love with him, I’d pop all the segments of his spine out like pieces of Pez.” “That’s…disturbingly specific.”
I can’t imagine any other woman taking my last name. Or she can keep hers, or hyphenate, or fuck it, I’ll take her last name.
“Stacks, I’m here to grovel for your forgiveness.” That’s…straightforward.
“Hayes—” He gets on his knees. His knees. “These flowers don’t even begin to scratch the surface to show how sorry I am. I want to earn your trust back if you’ll let me. If you want me to leave you alone, I’ll leave you alone. If you want me to prove my love for you, I’ll prove my love for you. I already bought you a nectarine orchard in South Africa, but I’ll buy you a vacation home out there, too. I’ll build you your own personal library, so you never run out of books. I’ll—”
“Loving you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” he says. The easiest thing.
“Aeris, will you—” “If you get down on one knee right now, I’ll knee you in the balls,” I bumble, a shot of panic entering my voice.
Hayes lowers to one knee, taking my shaking hand in his steady one,
So, are we just gonna gloss over the fact that bitch almost died?!?!?
Tears rage behind my eyes, but I’m not sure if it’s because of his speech or an aftereffect of nearly choking to death.
without putting this ring on your finger and promising to love you until I take my last breath.”
Do you know who almost took their last breath? Her, 30 seconds ago when she was choking to death!!
“Yes, Hayes. I would love to marry you.” The minute that band slides over my finger, my future is sealed.
Pretty sure it’s slid so easily on to your finger because it’s covered in spit because you almost just choked to death on it!! Getting the Heimlich straight to a marriage proposal with not a single person asking are you okay girl is wild.
