The Best Kind of Forever (Riverside Reapers #1)

by Celeste Briars

“That sounds very…romance-y. Let me guess, he’s also a Mafia boss who’ll kill anyone who touches you?” Aeris gasps dramatically. “You read romance books?” “My sister does,” I correct. “Though I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t read one while taking a bubble bath before.” “Knowing you read has made you ten times more attractive.” “Ten times? That seems like a lot,” I mutter. She penetrates me with a fully loaded stare, one that would be frightening if she didn’t look so adorable. “Yeah, I subtracted four points for being annoying. And cocky. And freakishly persistent.” I feign hurt. “But those are all of my best qualities.” “Best might be stretching it,” she says. I click on the turn signal and take a right. “If you have a different opinion, I’d love to hear it.” “Nice try. I’ve already inflated your ego enough today.” “Fine, but I’m only letting you off the hook because we’re here.”

I’m not thinking about the calories, and I’ve noticed that seems to happen around Hayes. I’m not very used to it. It’s weird. I don’t remember my relationship with food ever being this…healthy…before. Not like conventionally healthy, but healthier than it’s been since I developed anorexia.

“Are you okay?” I ask, alarm dipping low in my belly. He gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m okay. Are you okay?” “I’d be better if you weren’t sitting so far away from me,” I say, gesturing to the three large, square lengths of blanket between us. He’s close enough that he can extend his arm to reach me, but his body itself is practically on the other side of the blanket. Upon my answer, he scoots closer to me, dousing me in that sandalwood scent of his. I’m close enough that I can see the soft, fluctuating pulse in his throat, see the swell of his chest as he breathes. The rays from the sun glisten over the strong arch of his cheekbones, painting his face in marigold brushstrokes. Most things are uglier up close, but not him. Not Hayes Hollings.

“You don’t need to be nervous,” I tell him. His Adam’s apple slides in his throat. “What makes you think I’m nervous?” “The way you’re avoiding me like I have the plague.” There’s no frustration in my voice, no judgment—it’s just a keen observation. “Okay, maybe you make me a little nervous,” Hayes admits, unwrapping his sandwich. “I do?” I cock my head to the side, genuine curiosity breaking over the syllables. “You do,” he reaffirms, covering my hand with his. “You’re amazing, Aeris. You’re one of my favorite people to be around. I’m not going to say you always know what to say, but you always know how to make me laugh. You make the dull days brighter.

I love how big your heart is, even when you wish it was smaller.”

“Was that too much?” I shake my head, wrapping my fingers around his hand. “No, no. It’s just…nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before. Not my ex, not my parents…” “I’m sorry that you’ve lived the majority of your life without knowing how extraordinary you are,” he says, pressing his forehead against mine, “but I’m glad that I got to be the first to tell you.” My heart graduates from a jog to a sprint. “I’m glad you got to be the first too.”

“I want you to touch me,” I say, which is something I never thought I’d be saying to anyone. “I thought I was touching you.” He nods at his hands, which are still very much on my waist. “I mean like…touch me, touch me.” “You think I don’t want to touch you, touch you?” I extract myself from Hayes’ grasp. “No? I don’t know. I mean, the night of our date, you⁠—” He cuts me off. “I wanted to do a lot more than just kiss you.”

“I thought you were repulsed by me,” I whisper, my arms involuntarily covering my midsection. Hayes blinks in shock, his jaw unhinged. “Of course not, Aeris. Jesus—no. That’s the last thing I would ever think.” “Oh.” “I’m so fucking attracted to you that it drives me crazy. I love everything about your body, and you have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to feel it on top of me. Drink or Dare was probably the worst and best night of my life. I was seconds away from saying fuck it and taking you into the bathroom to bend you over the sink.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.” Hayes immediately leans forward, marrying his lips to mine. Intertwined, the two of us are nothing but the most naked parts of our souls. My arms cling to him like he’s my salvation,

His mouth moves down the valley of my breasts to the length of my stomach, and I freeze, my hands flying to keep him from lifting my dress up. I keep them splayed over my belly, especially since I have a pudge from lunch. “Aeris, move your hands.” I shake my head and jut my lower lip out. “If you don’t move your hands, I’ll pin them to the fucking ground. You’re not hiding from me. You’re not keeping any part of your body from me. Right now, you’re mine. You’re going to let me worship every inch of you, and you’re going to like it. Do you understand?”

Oh, God. He helps me out of my thong next, rumbling his approval of the nude lace. His large hands support my lifted hips on either side, and he kisses one hip bone, then moves to the other with a languid pace, lips pressed softly against the flesh. He takes his sweet time teasing me, knowing how starved I am for his mouth, his fingers. “Fuck,” he pants, his fingers brushing against my damp cunt. “Look at you, soaking the blanket like such a greedy girl. How long have you been like this?”

He lifts my lower back up so I’m parallel to the ground, then kisses me with an intensity and brightness that until now has been a foreign feeling to me—the kind of feeling that love songs are written about, what romance novels are made of. I can taste my own salty slick on his tongue, but when it’s undercut by the sweetness of his mouth, it doesn’t bother me. Hayes Hollings just rocked my fucking world.

Instead of greeting me like a sane person, she immediately meshes her lips with mine. I sigh into her mouth, my arms tightening around her, and the hungry pressure from her tongue draws mine out from its hiding place. I know we just had lunch together today, but I didn’t realize how badly I’ve started to miss her when she’s not around. When we pull away—which is the last thing I want to do—my hair is tousled from the force of her hands, the residue from her lip balm is smeared over my mouth, and my cheeks feel flushed with a healthy glow. “What was that for?” I pant. “I missed you,” she says, straining to stand on her tiptoes. I crank my neck down to look her in the eyes, all while fingering a wisp of her hair and brushing my knuckles against her cheekbone. “You came to my house to tell me you missed me?” She beams from ear to ear, lighting up brighter than the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. “I’d cross the ocean to tell you I missed you.” A smile adorns my mouth, warmth crystallizing in my eyes.

“Do you want to do it?” she asks, propping her chin on my chest so she can look at me. “Tell the entire world that Aeris Relera is mine? Fuck yeah, I wanna do it.” “If you’re sure, then I’m going to support you,” Aeris promises, pride layered in her tone, a light-hearted smile tilting over her mouth. I hook my finger under her chin, pulling her in to me so I can kiss her.

“Thank you, Aeris. For always being there. For being so understanding,” I say, and a foreign feeling prowls out from the shadows of my tortured consciousness—a feeling dangerously close to love. She sits up on the bed, crossing her legs and placing her hands in her lap. “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.”

“He told me that he usually went for petite girls, and he reminded me constantly that I wasn’t his type. He always had an opinion on my body, and there are lingering parts of me that still believe his toxic words. It’s why I’m so…hesitant around food. I’m sorry I’ve waited this long to tell you, Hayes. I was just afraid that maybe you’d see me differently if you knew how damaged I was.” Wow. Aeris just dropped a lot on me, but I think what hurts the most is her not seeing herself the way I see her. If I ever see her douche of an ex—and I’m feeling particularly inclined to look him up online and give him a piece of my mind—I’m going to rearrange his face with my fist. Show him what damaged really looks like. “Oh, Aeris,” I whisper, grazing her knee with my arm. When she doesn’t flinch away, I settle my hand on her leg, hoping that the gesture will at least soothe her a little bit. “You’re not damaged. Not in the slightest. I’m sorry you went through that, and I feel so honored that you trusted me enough to tell me.” “I’m sorry I kept it from you. I know you’d never treat me the way he treated me.” The pain in her tone is strong enough to topple a small fleet of ships, and she dismisses the water in her eyes with a rub of her hand. “No, you don’t need to apologize for anything,”

“Never apologize for the way you feel.” “I was convinced that I wasn’t good enough to be loved. That my body wasn’t good enough to be loved. I’ve been eating more, and I’m gaining weight, and my jeans don’t fit around my flabby stomach.” Wrath kickstarts a fire in my chest. “Stop.” Uh-oh. There’s that notorious Hollings temper, rearing its ugly head. She pulls away from me to sniffle. “What⁠—” The growl in my voice is unintended, but I don’t apologize for letting it slip out. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to you talk badly about yourself.” Tears travel an errant path down her cheeks, watery pearls adhering to her lashes. A tiny sob sputters out of her, and she tries to twist away from me, but I hold her still. I wipe the wet space below her eye with my thumb, then delicately glide it over the dark circles.

I kneel down in front of her, resting my hands on her waist. “What do you see when you look at yourself?” “What do I see?” I look up at her, watching as curiosity eclipses her expression. “What do you see?” “I see someone who is deeply flawed,” she breathes, and in that one single breath is all the pain she’s ever experienced in her life. She’s quiet for a beat, but then her lips start to move. “My stretch marks are hideous,” she says, shuffling her feet a little, still holding her arms against her torso. I run my hand over her thighs, noting the raised texture of the scars, letting my finger stray over each individual branch of lightning. My lips travel over the marks, and I press a cluster of kisses against her flawless skin. “Your stretch marks are beautiful. Everyone has them in different areas of their body, and you wear yours like battle armor. Scars are reminders of what we’ve endured, but also reminders of what we’ve overcome.” “They’re still so raw and red. They stand out.” “They don’t stand out, Aeris. You stand out. Everything about you is captivating. You have this effect on people that I can’t explain. You light up every room you walk into. It’s like every emotion you feel projects off you. When you’re happy, it’s contagious. And when you’re sad, I feel it in my own heart. So when people look at you, they aren’t judging you, okay? They’re envious.”

Her next words barely come out. “My stomach is gross. There’s always this pudge that hangs over.” When her hand moves over the area, I gently push it aside. I plant an array of kisses all over her belly, feeling her shiver under my mouth. “I love your stomach.” “It’s not flat,” she cuts in. “Do you think I care if it’s flat?” I beat her to the answer by kitten-licking her piercing, and I move my hands down to stop her legs from trembling. “You have a soft belly. That’s all it is. You need to eat. You should be consuming at least two thousand calories every day. I don’t care where those calories come from. If you want to eat your weight in chicken nuggets, I’ll buy you every single bag.”

“I never want you to hide from me. I want every part of you, as you are. You’re beautiful, and I’ll remind you every day until you believe me.”

Tears break through her eyes. “I just won’t be able to…” I stand up and cradle the side of her face. “Hey, I don’t expect you to suddenly love yourself overnight. I just want you to know that I’ll do whatever I can to help you get there.”

“I don’t want you to touch my acne scars. I’ve tried everything to get rid of them, but nothing’s worked. I hate them, Hayes. I hate that I always feel the need to wear makeup. I can’t even go grocery shopping without putting concealer on.” My hand inches toward her scars, and I wait for her to give me consent to touch there. When she gives me a cautious nod, I familiarize myself with the pockmarked skin, seeing nothing wrong with the remarkable girl in front of me. “You don’t need to wear makeup, Aeris. Your rawness is gorgeous. Your scars are natural, and I love them because they’re a part of you. Trying to cover them up is doing a disservice to your beauty.” “You don’t need to say all of this stuff,” she mumbles. “I know. I want to. And since you’re my favorite subject, I’m never going to shut up.”

Hayes rubs his hand over my lower back. “You okay?” “Me? Oh, yeah. Good. Great. Having a blast.” A frown needles the tight line of his lips. “If it’s too much, we can always just leave,” he tells me. I shake my head vigorously. “No, I want to be here. I just haven’t been to a party like this since my freshman year of college.” “I wish I would’ve met you sooner. College you seems like the life of the party,” he jests, tracing his finger over the ridge of my spine. Scarlet melts into my cheeks, a barely there blush in the low light of the house. I would’ve died if I’d met Hayes in college.

“Uh-huh. Sure,” I mutter, waggling my eyebrows. “You know, I have a thing for shy, socially awkward girls.” “Oh, really?” Hayes gifts me a knee-weakening grin. “Yep. There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” “Is that so?” I volley. “Oh, yeah. I’m like one of those Tootsie Pops you have to lick to get to the center of.” “So you’re saying that I’ll eventually get to your ooey-gooey center if I keep licking enough?” “In the right places,” he drawls, cupping my face in his hands and planting a soft, slow kiss on my lips. He licks the silk of my mouth, tasting the acrid malt on my tongue from the beer, and my arms come up to braid around his neck, drink still in hand. When we pull away, my eyes fly open in surprise. “What was that for?” “I can’t give my beautiful girlfriend a kiss?” he teases as he thumbs the fabric of my dress. “Also, this dress is my new favorite. I’m going to need you to wear this from here on out. For every occasion.” “Every occasion, huh?” “Every occasion,” he repeats, making hot coals burn in the bed of my sternum. “Though I’m pretty sure you could turn me on even dressed in a potato sack.”

“I think you might perish if I don’t get some food in you,” he laughs, the cadence like unfiltered magic in my ears. “That sounds great,” I sigh dreamily.

“If you flex, I’ll walk out of here. Right now.” He winks. “Ah, you’re right. I wouldn’t want the gun show to blow you away.” I simply shake my head, chuckling under my breath as Hayes drags me over to meet a few of his friends from other NHL teams. I shake hands and smile as we rotate from cluster to cluster, finally ending our pilgrimage at a large, intimidating man. He’s gathered a small throng of people with whatever fascinating story he’s telling, and they all burst out into laughter like there’s some kind of cue card in the distance. The stoic-faced man greets Hayes with a smile, then glances at me.

Hayes rushes over to me, wisps of concern falling over his face. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asks, his tone toeing between concern and regret—regret for letting this happen to me. It’s not his fault, though. But I know he’s going to blame himself. “I’m okay,” I breathe, nodding. No, the situation wasn’t ideal, but it could’ve ended a lot worse. I’m glad Hayes got here when he did. He gingerly ushers me toward the exit, his soft touch making my heart glug along like an old-timey oil machine. It’s the kind of touch that silently says, I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. “Let’s go home.”

Hayes stands up—after having thoroughly smoothed the cramps out of my feet—and the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes match the dimples on either side of his cheek-splitting smile. “I wanted to thank you,” he says sheepishly. Confusion muddies my features. “Thank me?” “For wearing that dress tonight. I haven’t been able to stop staring at you. God, you’ve been driving me crazy.” I…don’t know what to say. So I just stare at him, unsure if the tears are going to make a very unwanted appearance tonight after all. I can feel my face start to burn under his piercing gaze, and I swallow down a wad of nerves that get stuck somewhere in my chest. I still haven’t really gotten the hang of this whole compliments thing. I’m almost always on the verge of crying whenever anyone says anything nice about me since I’ve pretty much been told the opposite my whole life. And Hayes is a walking arsenal of compliments, which maybe I should’ve heeded in hindsight.

“We can do whatever you want. If you want to go to sleep, we can just go to sleep. But we can also watch a movie, or just talk, or I can just hold you⁠—” He’s still talking and offering me endless alternatives, but my brain has malfunctioned. That heart-bursting feeling is starting to return, and I’m not sure how long it’ll be until I’m sobbing over how completely thoughtful Hayes is. He’s done so many sweet things for me in the time we’ve been together, but this is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Not only did he want to make me feel better, but he wants to make sure I don’t feel alone, either. Which is impossible with him. “Oh, Hayes. You did all of this for me?” I slide into the unmade sheets, staring at the spread before me, trying to digest the intention behind such a genuine and heartfelt act, trying to wrap my head around the amount of effort he puts in for me every day. “Of course I did. I couldn’t let the night end like that.” I pick up the mystery container and turn it over in my hands, and that’s when I realize that it’s a green tea face mask. I chuckle. “You’d seriously let someone put this on you?” Hayes brushes his hand over my knee, and his touch sends bolts of electricity that strike me with varying degrees of intensity. He forces me to look at him, to drown in those endless pools of blue, and his half-lidded gaze trails from my eyes to my lips. “No, Aeris. I’d only let you put this on me.” I think I’m blushing as red as a beet right now. Only me.

Aeris came by a few minutes before the game to give me a good luck kiss, and she was wearing my jersey. Mine. She looked fucking good with my number on her. I’m definitely going to have fantasies about railing her from behind with my number splayed on her back.

“Cadieux started talking shit about you, and I just lost it.” Hayes got into a fight because of me? “You can’t let those kinds of people get to you.” I grab the damp washcloth next to him and wipe away gouts of blood from his knuckles. He winces from the contact, but he doesn’t pull away. His tongue is sharp, like a double-edged blade. “If anyone hurts the people I care about, I’m going to do everything in my power to make them regret it.”

“Can I do anything?” I look helplessly at the bandage box and the bottle of painkillers on the coffee table. “Just be here. With me.” Even though the couch isn’t as wide and comfy as his bed, there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be right now. He lies down with a grimace and makes room for me. I squeeze into the space he’s carved out, gently pressing my back to his chest. “Thank you,” he mumbles sluggishly, tightening his grip on me ever so slightly. “For what?” “For staying.” Judging by the soft snores vibrating against my spine, I’m pretty sure Hayes has already passed out, so I whisper the last words to myself. “I’ll always stay.”

“Mm-hm. And would this ‘someone’ be your new girlfriend by chance?” Hayes flashes a high-voltage grin before answering, “Aeris Relera is my better half.” My better half. My pulse jump-starts, and my stomach lurches with a kaleidoscope of butterflies. Lila jumps up from the sofa, her ear-piercing squeal jangling my eardrums. Swiffer shoots up from her spot on the cat tower and scampers off into my bedroom. “Oh my God! Aeris, did you hear that? Look how proud he looks!” Did I hear that correctly? “And what is it about this girl that’s so special?” Hayes forks his hand through his hair. “Everything. There aren’t enough words in the world to describe how incredible she is. I’m pretty sure I’ve laughed with her more than I have in years. She has this softness about her that I don’t think many people are capable of, but she’s equally just as strong.” Yep, I definitely heard that correctly. I feel like I could cry. I might if he keeps talking about me like that. No, Aeris. Pull it together.

“We met at a bar. She was drinking by herself one night, and she caught my attention from across the room. I asked if I could join her, and I’m lucky she didn’t throw her drink in my face.” A flurry of laughter fills the studio. “Are you saying that a heartthrob like you has trouble picking up girls?” Hayes makes a face, but it’s good-natured. “Oh, definitely. It can be intimidating being the first one to make the move. I never used to get nervous around women before Aeris, but to this day, I still get butterflies when I’m around her.” The podcast goes on for a bit longer, with Deacon and Oliver asking about everything from his workout routine to his guilty pleasures, but I’m still hung up on every word he said about me. I need to see Hayes. Now.

I was planning on goading the guys into grabbing a drink, but I was surprised to find Aeris waiting in my bedroom instead. I hang up my jacket on the back of the door. “Hey, what are you doing here?” Aeris has her hands in her lap. “I saw your interview.” “You did?” “I did.” She walks over to me and lightly touches my arm. Pinpricks line my exposed flesh, calling out for her body to merge with mine—to the point where we can’t decipher where one of us ends and the other begins. “It was perfect, Hayes,” she says. I don’t know if she realizes it, but she’s donning some pretty irresistible bedroom eyes right now. “I mean, I was going for perfect,” I tease, my heart roaring as loud as an exploding landmine. Without another word, she attacks me with an earth-shattering kiss, raking my bottom lip with her teeth. She sucks the breath out of me, and when I come back up for air, lust fills me like flour in a measuring cup.

Aeris slaps me playfully, but then her expression sobers. “Thank you, Hayes,” she says quietly, her voice packed with exhaustion. I know she’s probably seconds away from falling asleep. “For what?” She nuzzles closer to me, a tiny sigh parting her lightly bitten lips. “For fixing me,” she mumbles, and those three words bludgeon me into a powdery dust. “You’re not broken, Aeris.” She’s not. What is she talking about? Why would she say that about herself? “I am, though. Nobody’s ever wanted me like you have.” It breaks me that she can’t see how incredible she is—not just her body, but her spirit, her soul, her mind. Anyone who can confidently say that they don’t want her is a complete idiot. There’s nothing wrong with her. If she’s broken, then I’m beyond saving. Trauma doesn’t make someone less lovable. Insecurities don’t make people’s bodies less beautiful.

I push myself onto my hip bones so I can look at her face, cupping her cheeks with my hands. “I know you’ll see yourself the way I see you one day.” A sea of emotions crashes into the shores of her brown eyes. She pauses for a few counts, contemplating, but eventually nods her head. When my steady lips stretch over her trembling ones, love rattles inside my body like bottled lightning—frenetic and blinding, but in the best way possible. My skin sings under her buttery touch, and it’s in that moment that I realize I’d trade everything in the world to stay in her arms a little bit longer.

“What?” “Nothing.” “You’re staring.” “I’m not.” My brow buoys. “You so are.” “Fine. I like staring at you,” he admits, a smile emerging. Butterflies go haywire inside my belly, and when he goes to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, I feel my body melt into goo. I could sink and stick to this cloud-soft mattress like a puddle.

I still can’t believe Hayes risked his career for me. That’s the biggest nonlove love gesture that anyone’s ever done for me. “How much trouble were you in after the game?” I ask, worry beginning to set shop up in my mind. A sigh falls from his lips, heavy, as if crippled with weight. “Coach wasn’t happy about it, but I kind of expected that. It’s nothing that you need to worry about.” “Hayes, I don’t want to stand in the way of your career,” I murmur, trying to curb the guilt that wants to pinch tears from my eyes. Hayes inches open the slats in my fingers with his and merges our hands together. “Aeris, you’re the only thing holding my life together right

“I never wanted to get you in trouble.” “If I had the chance to redo anything differently, I wouldn’t. Cadieux needed to be taught a lesson, and nobody was going to stand up and do it, so I did it myself. He had no right to talk to you the way he did—to touch you without your consent.” I instinctively glance at my unscarred arm. He hadn’t grabbed me long enough to bruise it, thankfully. “Thank you for saving me.” Hayes squeezes my palm, and the dark clouds in his eyes lift slightly, only enough to allow me a glimpse of the clear blue underneath. “You were holding your ground. Pretty sure you could’ve given him a gnarly black eye if you wanted,” he quips. Me? Fighting? I’d probably break my fist throwing a punch. “Oh, yeah. Definitely. I’m a force to be reckoned with,” I tease. “You are. It’s why I was so attracted to you in the first place.”

All of that seems so far in the past. Realistically, it isn’t, but I haven’t even thought about my life before Hayes since I’ve been with him. We lie with each other for a while, soaking up the warmth from the sun, exploring each other’s pliant bodies with gentle kisses and gentler hands. There’s no rush to do anything. There’s no pressure to fill the silence. We’re just existing with one another, and it’s the best morning I’ve had in years.

There’s no pain or scream of bloody murder, just a light, steady movement that has my bangs knocking against my temples. I’ve closed my eyes as a defensive mechanism, but when my nervous system registers that there’s no immediate threat, I open them. The goal line is growing larger, which means that we’re… “I’m skating!” I exclaim, the blades of my skates whittling lines into the surface of the ice, even emitting a satisfying hissing sound. Granted, I’m not skating fast (and it’s mostly Hayes doing all the work), but I’m not huddled over by the wall anymore. Pride paints a grin on his lips. “See? I knew you could do it.” “I’m strong,” I chant, feeling superhuman strength course through my mortal veins. “You’re strong,” he echoes. “I can do anything.” “You can do anything.” I begin to drift away from the bulk of his body, finding my own rhythm but still grasping his arm in case I overestimate myself and the ride gets too bumpy. “I’m sexy!” I shout confidently, my voice resounding off the spacious arena. “Not sure what that has to do with this, but yes you are!” Hayes yells just as loudly.

“And that’s because you’re the best goddamn teacher in all of Pennsylvania,” Kit says, straightening out a baby picture of Hayes that he got from God knows where. I never knew Kit had a heart, much less a soft side. It’s weird seeing him act all…loving. Faye chuckles, and I swear it’s almost identical to Hayes’ laugh. They really don’t look anything alike. Hayes is all blond hair and blue eyes, and Faye is brunette in every sense of the word. Once Faye realizes I’m in the room, she brings me into a bone-shattering hug. “You must be Aeris,” she squeals. “My brother always talks about you. You’re so much prettier in person!” “Oh, thank you. But look at you!” “I’m so happy you asked me to come out. The last time I remember celebrating Hayes’ birthday with him was before he entered the NHL.”

“Didn’t expect us to fly ya sister out, did ya?” Kit says, patting me on the chest. “You’re really here,” I echo back to my sister. Since she lives in Pennsylvania, we rarely ever see each other. Our schedules are so busy that we only get together for the holidays. “I’m here.” She hugs me again, and this time, I stay in her arms for what feels like forever. “Aeris wanted to fly me out.” My heart soars. Aeris.

give Aeris a quick peck on the lips. “You did all of this?” A dainty smile makes its debut. “With help from everyone. I just…I wanted to celebrate you. I hope it’s okay.” Wow. No girl has ever done anything for me like this. Initially, I was frustrated that the guys went behind my back and threw something, but after hearing that Aeris did it…it means something different to me. There’s no way she could’ve possibly known I wasn’t a fan of my birthday. She did it out of her own heart because she wanted me to be happy. Just like my mother did when she’d make me confetti pancakes and organize my gifts from biggest to smallest. “Thank you, guys. All of you,” I choke out.

Hayes rolls his eyes. “Yes, Gage, the party was a success,” he says in exasperation. “Even though a lot of you”—he fixes a narrowed look a Kit and Gage—“get on my nerves, you’re family. And I’m so grateful for every one of you.” Family. Not even second family, but family. I haven’t had a family in the longest time, and never in a million years would I have thought it would consist of a group of hockey players. But sharing in this love, being here with everyone, it closes the empty hole inside of me that my parents left when they abandoned me. And there’s a part of me that isn’t so scared of the future anymore.

“Be a good girl. Tell me all the ways you want me to fuck you.” “I want you to fuck me so hard that I forget my own name. I want you to bruise my cunt with your fat cock, and I don’t want to be able to walk straight tomorrow. I want to feel you for weeks after, not just days.” “Fucking done.”

I turn around to face him. “Hayes, I⁠—” “Aeris, I love you,” Hayes professes, stunning me into silence. My heart plays pattycake with my chest. His voice stands at the edge of my mind’s bluff, echoing throughout my body. Hayes Hollings loves me. I never thought I’d hear those words. I’d accepted that I probably wasn’t destined for love—not after Roden and Wilder. I’d accepted that I’d never have a wedding, I’d never get married, and I’d never have kids. But within weeks, all of my preconceived notions about love have been turned upside down. I don’t know if I would’ve met Hayes if I wasn’t at the bar that night. I don’t know if I believe in soulmates or love at first sight. I’d like to think that we would’ve found our way to each other eventually, that the universe knew he was out there for me. “Hayes, I love you too.” The look on his face is nothing short of complete and utter happiness. A spectrum of emotions spike through me, and I’m starting to worry if I said it weird, but then he kisses me, and everything suddenly makes sense.

I don’t want to play hard to get. I don’t want to pretend like these days apart haven’t been the worst days of my life. It’s taking every morsel of my self-control not to wrap my arms around him—not to give myself over to him, not to inhale that sandalwood scent of his into my bloodstream, not to commit the minty taste of his tongue to memory. I’ve always felt so safe in his arms, like nothing can hurt me. I want to feel that way again. I want to feel the feather’s edge of love in the way he strokes the back of my head or presses his lips to my forehead. Those radiant, blue eyes of his send a direct line of heart-stopping fear to my chest.

“No, I’m serious,” he says. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I’m not here to clear my conscience. I’m here to tell you that I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I don’t know if you saw…well, if you saw the interview. I really, really fucked up. I never wanted to hurt you. But I did, and I’ll be paying for that mistake for the rest of my life. I should’ve fought for you. You deserve the entire world, and I want to be the one to give it to you.” “Hayes—” He gets on his knees. His knees. “These flowers don’t even begin to scratch the surface to show how sorry I am. I want to earn your trust back if you’ll let me. If you want me to leave you alone, I’ll leave you alone. If you want me to prove my love for you, I’ll prove my love for you. I already bought you a nectarine orchard in South Africa, but I’ll buy you a vacation home out there, too. I’ll build you your own personal library, so you never run out of books. I’ll⁠—”