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Although everything had gone wrong, in this moment, it felt so undeniably right to have her right there, against my heart. Her floral scent of magnolia and peony blossoms, complemented by the sweet tartness of lime, settled deep within my lungs with each breath. The sensation was one of which I had been craving since our moment atop the bridge. Gods, nothing in the world smelled better than her.
Nothing could ever prepare you for the brute force of grief as it suffocated the life out of your body, your mind, your soul.
“I too have lost someone I very much loved. That pain…that despair that you are feeling right now…that gaping wound…it will forever leave a deep scar. But even though you might not believe me now, you will survive it. You will be able to breathe freely again one day…Try to not let the grief drown you.” Like it almost drowned me.
Because, the truth was, sometimes good didn’t conquer evil. Sometimes, to win a war, to overcome the world—you’d have to be the biggest evil of them all.
The thing that I wasn’t sure about now, was how much I could trust myself to simply watch the woman that captured my heart put herself in danger. For me. For my people. And for those wicked fucking elves.
My heart went still for a moment, and the world quieted around me. Here, amidst the lifeless desert, the midnight sky and the silver moon, amidst the infinite red dunes now laid a clear fact. One that I could no longer deny, that I no longer wanted to deny. A simple truth. I was in love with Finnleah. Deeply, wholeheartedly, entirely.
“To the overwhelming feelings,” he said, as he motioned with his other hand, sending large sparks far into the skies, mimicking shooting stars. “And to the ability to feel them,” I quietly added, sending my copper sparks to join his.
I wanted her completely. Her heart, her soul, her body. I craved all of her. Nobody else but her. All of her for me. Only mine.
Something primal awoke within me; a feeling darker than night itself slithered inside. Because I was glad. I was glad her fiancé was dead. I would gladly burn them all—the good and the bad—if it meant I could keep her by my side. Gods, the world itself was doomed.
But I would be patient, for her. I might not have been her first love, but I would be her last. Even if it took me a damn eternity to conquer her heart.
I should’ve said fuck you too and yet, here I was, hoping to get so fucking drunk that I wouldn’t be able to walk down to her tent and beg on my knees for her to give me another chance. To beg her to love me, because I needed her so desperately that I felt like my lungs collapsed onto themselves at the thought of living without her presence.
“When I take you. When I have all of you, I want to know with absolute surety that you’d wake in my bed without a single doubt or regret. And that you want me too. Not just wine-driven sex, but that you want all of me, because I, my goddess, my queen, my little wildfire, I want all of you.”
“Guilt is a powerful emotion, Gideon,” he carefully answered. “I thought love was all prevailing...” my broken voice uttered through the disheveled darkness of the room. Orest’s eyes darted to the quickly disappearing figure of Zora. “Then you never truly loved.”
“Because I fucking love you, Finnleah! Because my whole soul trembles in your presence, my heart bleeds when you are away, and air burns like acid when you are not close. Because there isn’t a price I wouldn’t pay for you. I’d start a million more wars for you. I’d burn this whole fucking world down if it meant you’d be near.”
“So yes, I started a war for you, and I’d start a million more. I’d kill for you. I’d die for you. I would do anything you wish me to. You are the one I love, Finnleah. You are the one I desire. You are the one that holds the entirety of my body and soul. And if that’s not enough, then please tell me what is.”
I just wanted to be near her, like the cold moon pulled by gravity towards the earth, never able to be fully away, but never truly being close.
