Lost and Lassoed (Rebel Blue Ranch, #3)

by Lyla Sage

I helped her out of the stream, and she leaned on me the whole way home. We’ve been leaning on each other ever since.

It was a beautiful thing to watch your best friend be loved in the way you know she deserves.

thought it looked good on him, the first thing out of my mouth was “Hey, pornstache. Nice of you to join us.” “Fuck off, Theodora,” he said without even glancing my way.

It just feels like everyone is moving on…without me.

Growing up, I was always ahead of everyone else. I made my own path, and I forged ahead fearlessly. I was the leader in my life.

And in Meadowlark, I shone. People loved me, and I loved to be loved. There was only one Teddy Andersen. Here, I was ahead of the game. So how did I get so behind?

And I thrived on being needed.

“Not just in money, but in time and energy. Sometimes things just run their course, and you have to let them go. That doesn’t mean that it wasn’t worthwhile and wonderful, it just means that maybe we should try something new.” Cloma sighed. “It’s time for a change. For both of us.”

“You are many things, August Ryder, and some of those things aren’t great, I’ll be honest,” I said. “But a bad father isn’t one of them.”

I prided myself on taking care of my people, and it felt like the two people I loved most in the world didn’t trust me to show up for them.

“He shouldn’t have to ask me,” I shot back. “I should just be there.” “You don’t have to be everywhere all at once to be a good rancher,” Teddy said. “It seems like you’re just carrying weight you don’t have to.”

It was quiet for a few minutes, and I focused on the book in front of me. One of my favorite things that my dad did when I was a kid was read aloud to me, and I wanted to do that for Riley. But because I was dyslexic, I had a hard time reading new material out loud without stumbling, and it made me feel like a fucking idiot, so when we bought new books, I read them to myself a few times before I read them out loud to her. It helped.

asked. “Nothing. It’s just…I thought I would be settled by now. Not like married or with babies, but I thought…I would have a better idea of where I was going.”

“Don’t you get any healthy food?” Nicole asked Riley. “All that sugar is bad for you.” Fuck, no. This woman was not about to lecture my six-year-old on what foods she should and shouldn’t have. “We don’t think any foods are good or bad,” I jumped in. This was something Cam was passionate about, and I was happy to support her in it. “It’s all just food.”

“That’s not true,” she said. “It is at our house,” I said firmly, hoping she would take the hint. I looked at my daughter, who was happily sipping on her chocolate milkshake.

“So the Rocky Mountains are Rebel Blue’s grandpa?” “Kind of,” I said. Amos Ryder would love that description, I thought.

I was focused on Teddy’s freckles and her laugh that sounded like wind chimes on a summer day.

Because I knew Teddy now, and not just the Teddy that everyone else knew. I knew the Teddy that was just as fierce when she was soft and just as fun when she was comfortable. She was loyal and kind and funny. She was so much more than I ever knew.

“Listen to me. I am in possession of all my mental faculties, I’m not sleepwalking, I’m not possessed, and I’m not walking away this time. Okay?”

It had always been my dad and me against the world. He’d always said that he and I were a two-man band—the favorite band he’d ever been part of, and he’d been in a lot of them.

After a few minutes, my dad went back to sleep. His breathing got slow and even. I stayed awake. I watched his chest rise and fall, and I listened to his heartbeat—the kick drum that I couldn’t live without.

Amos Ryder was steady as a river, as grounded as a deep-rooted tree, and as calm as a pond on a sunny day. But he did have the nose scrunch thing—his tell that his emotions were overwhelming him.

My dad felt things deeply. I think all three of us had a little bit of that in us.

“Sounds like a party in here,” he said. As Emmy, Teddy, and Hank turned toward him, it hit me. Look at this special thing Amos Ryder had created—all by giving a wide-eyed drummer a job.

When he cut the engine, neither of us got out right away. Instead, we sat in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable like it was earlier today. It was nice. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt comfortable sitting with Gus like this. At the hospital, I had to be a daughter, a caretaker. I had to be on point there, around everyone else. Here, in the cab of his truck, I could just be.

“Don’t cry, Teddy,” I accidentally said out loud. My lip quivered, and my throat hurt. Gus tilted his head and brought one of his hands up to my face. “You can cry, Teddy,” he said. “I’ve got you.” “I’m so tired,” I whispered. My voice was trembling. I felt a tear slip over my cheek, and Gus wiped it away. “I know,” he said.

When I curled into his side, I felt his lips in my hair. “You can cry, Teddy,” he said. And so I cried. And cried. And August Ryder held me the whole time.

Riley was jumping and clapping and dancing in the middle of the garage, and I pushed off from the garage door to meet her on her makeshift dance floor. She squealed when I grabbed her hand and gave her a twirl. Her delighted giggle was the only thing that sounded better than the music Teddy and Hank were playing. As my daughter and I danced together, I knew this moment would be one of those memories that I thought back on at every big moment in her life—when she got her driver’s license, graduated from high school, college—when she got married, if that’s what she wanted. I’d put it in the same place as all the other memories I had of Riley, as well as of my mom, my dad, and my siblings, holding it close to me. I’d think about the time my daughter and I danced together in Teddy Andersen’s garage.

who he was in relation to me—someone who understood my fears and wants and burdens and didn’t scoff at them or even try to take them away—I think because he knew that they could be heavy, but it was the heavy things that I loved the most.

“No, it isn’t,” Emmy said. She was feeling defensive too. I saw it in her tense shoulders and narrowed eyes. “Yes, it is,” I said. “And I don’t think it’s an inherently bad thing. I think it’s what happens when people grow up and end up in different places—physically or otherwise. You and I are in different stages of life, Emmy. And it might not be obvious to you, but you don’t need me the same way you used to. You’re getting married. Brooks should be the person you feel the most comfortable with, the most safe and secure with. But I don’t have that. I have you, and you have someone else.

“It just really sucks to be on unequal footing with your best friend. It sucks to feel like you don’t need me anymore, and it sucks to feel like I can’t talk to you about it because I don’t want you to feel bad for focusing on building a life with the person you love.

“Maybe I’ve never taken anybody else seriously because no one has ever taken me seriously, but Gus does. Both of us take care of other people, our families, our friends—you—and that makes us the only people who know how to take care of each other.

“And it hurts that you don’t see that. It hurts that you’re more worried about how this relationship is going to affect you than how good it has been for me.” I looked up at the blue sky and took another deep breath. “Because it’s been the best thing, and I thought you’d be able to see it. I thought you could see me.”

“Do you have time to talk something through with me?” I grinned even bigger because it felt so ordinary, but also a big step toward a relationship that felt real—the type of relationship that would last.

“What can I do, Teddy baby?” I’d do anything. “Nothing. Telling you helped. Thanks for listening.” “Anytime,” I said. I wanted to listen to Teddy talk forever.

She said hi to everyone as they moved out of her way, making them feel special that they got to bask in her light for however long they were talking to her. If I wanted this thing with Teddy to go anywhere, I’d have to remember that she was built to shine and glow and shimmer, and I couldn’t take that piece of her only for myself. She didn’t shine just for me. I got a different part of her—the part that was comfortable enough to turn down the brightness when we were alone, the part that wanted me to see past what everyone else was blinded by.

“It’s okay to love her, Gus. It’s okay to want her. It’s okay to want. You have so much love to give, Gus. I see it in the way that you love our daughter and in the way you care for your family—me included—and I just want you to have someone who can love you back the same way.”

“And Teddy—our lion—might be the only person I know who loves as fiercely as you do.”

I wanted Teddy to have it all—a job she loved, purpose, a family, whatever she wanted—and

“One of your best qualities is that you go all in—you get that from your mom,”

“First,” he said, “I want you to know that I’m okay—that I am the luckiest man alive to have a daughter like you who has made so many sacrifices to make sure that I’m taken care of. But I need you to know…that I don’t expect you to be here forever. I’m scared I’ve let you do so much for me that you’ve forgotten to take care of yourself. And if that’s the case, I’d never be able to forgive myself.”

“Hey,” she said when she was close. “Hey,” I responded. I set my plate on the grass and stood. Emmy and I made eye contact and then made our way to each other and collided in a hug. We held each other the way we always had. “I’m sorry, Teddy,” Emmy said in my ear. “I know,” I said.

“I think you are miraculous, Teddy. I think that your existence—the way you care and fight and love and live—is a miracle. There is no one else like you,

I know that you feel things deeply, that you would do anything for the people you care about, and that you love hard.”

it makes so much sense, because both of you love and live the same way—with your entire heart.

else would you be painting the view from his back porch on your garage?” I pulled back immediately, and my head snapped to my painting. Shit. She was right.

“Wait,” I heard her say. “Is that…? Riley, look!” And then Riley shouted, loud enough for all of Meadowlark to hear: “It’s rock fucking jasmine!” And I had no one to blame but myself for her impeccable use of the F word.

I looked down and saw camel-colored fabric—vintage suede with fringe. “How did you get this?” I asked. My hand immediately went to the side where the hole was, but when I went to feel for it, it was gone. I whipped the jacket off my shoulders, not caring about the cold anymore, and looked at the inside of the jacket. There was a line of small, clean stitches that I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t looking for them.

“Just a quiet life with a grumpy man from a small town, but I can promise to love you every day.” “You love me?” I said. Don’t cry, Teddy.

“And I want to show you how much I love you every single day. I want to do everything with you. I want you to be part of my daughter’s life. I want you at every soccer game, barrel race, and art show. I want you there when she sneaks into my bed in the mornings”—he kissed one of my cheeks then. “I want to marry you. I want to have babies with you—little copper-headed demons running around wreaking havoc”—a