The Third Gilmore Girl

by Kelly Bishop

If I sound as if I’m trying to justify the fact that I married this man, it’s because that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.

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I knew all that before I married him, so what was I thinking? Well, stop me if you’ve heard this one, but I guess I thought I could fix him. I forgot to ask if he wanted to be fixed. And why would he?

as hard as I tried not to think about it, sooner or later I might be living a form of Emily’s life myself… the life of a widow. I prayed for “later.” I was given “sooner.”

It was a tough time. If you’ve ever lived with a loved one whose health is declining, you know the drill: You’d sell your soul to make them better, but that deal’s not on the table. Along with the doctors and caregivers, you’re doing absolutely everything you can do to help, but some part of you knows that, unless you’re suddenly given the power to work miracles, nothing you can do is really going to make much of a difference. When you find yourself feeling kind of trapped, you recognize that the only way out is for that person you love to your core to check out, and the thought of that is unbearable.

It was December 16, 2018, when Lee left. I’ve never said, nor will I ever say, “He’s gone,” or “He died.” It was, and always will be, “Lee left.”

He was here. Then he wasn’t. He never would be again, and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.