Until Him (Inevitable, #1)

by Cora Rose

“You need a tutor if you’re going to pass this class.” My chemistry professor’s voice echoes in my head, and it’s only overpowered by my coach’s gruff one. “If your GPA falls any lower, we’ll have to bench you.” Fuck me. This is impossible. I run a hand through my damp, curly hair and sigh. You would think I’ve made it this far at UC Berkeley because I’m smart. Nah, I’m only here because I was recruited to play on their competitive water polo team and I’m the motherfucking best at what I do. I can swim faster than all those assholes out there. I can chuck the ball across the entire pool. I can tread water for hours. I’m a winner. Winning is all I know how to do. Except, when it comes to academics, I am drowning. My head is barely above the water, and I am sinking fast. I need a life raft.

I need this. I need him, and only him. Theo Reign. The best science tutor on campus. It is said that he works miracles, and at this point, a goddamn miracle is the only thing that will save me. If I fail chemistry, I lose my spot on the team, and then I have nothing left. I am nothing without water polo. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I quickly glance at it. Shit, my mom. I’ll call her later—if I work up the courage. I hear the soft thud of footsteps make their way toward me, and the door is wrenched open. My eyes land on a tall, lanky guy with messy brown hair and pale blue eyes. He’s not wearing a shirt, allowing me to take in the lean muscles of his abdomen and a large script tattoo that stretches across his entire right side. “Who the fuck are you?” he rasps, irritation lining his voice. He shoves the pencil he’s holding behind his ear and folds his arms across his chest. His sweatpants are hanging low on his narrow hips and they look like they’re in danger of falling right off. “Uh, hi there. I’m looking for Theo.” I say, forcing my gaze up to his eyes.

you came highly recommended, and I can’t fail this class. I can’t drop it, either. It’s past the withdrawal period. I don’t think I have any other options.” I mean, I do have other tutoring options, but none are as good as this guy. He helped one of my teammates pass chemistry last year, and that guy was the real lost cause. Like incredibly lost—out to fucking sea with the sharks. I can still see the shore at least. “The hell,” he huffs, his light blue eyes inspecting mine, and for a moment, I think he’s going to give in, but then he just arches an eyebrow at me. “That’s not my problem, is it? Sometimes the weak just need to fail. It’s a good life lesson for those of you who think you’re invincible.” I frown at those words. I’ve heard that one too many times, but I’m not giving up yet. I’m not a quitter. This is my life on the line here. Water polo is everything to me. It’s what I was born to do. “Come on, name your price. Everyone has a price. I’ll pay double. I’ll pay anything.” He narrows his eyes and moistens his lips, his gaze moving slowly from the top of my head all the way down to my toes. He’s sizing me up, I realize, and my back straightens a bit under his scrutiny.

“I don’t want your money.” I open my mouth to protest but then he says, “I’ll agree to tutor you if you let me fuck you.” My jaw drops open and my muscles tense. He’s smirking, his steely gaze boring into mine, a challenge twinkling in them.

I’m not even gay.” He just shrugs and leans against the doorjamb. “That’s my price. One sexual favor for each lesson. Take it or leave it.” I eye his casual stance and wonder if he’s actually serious. He could just be fucking with me. But what if he’s not? Could I actually agree to this? I’ve never been with a guy before. I mean, yeah, there were some mutual jack-off sessions in high school with a couple of teammates, but we never touched each other’s dicks. I may have discretely looked at them while beating my meat, but I’ve never actually done anything with a dude. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely repulsed by the idea. My dick is awesome, so I assume all dic...

“I have no idea who the hell you are, and even if I did, I couldn’t give two shits about you. But I am in need of a good fucking, and I’ve been too busy this semester to put in the effort of going out and finding someone.” Well, he’s entirely too honest. I glance around the dim, empty hall warily. “You swear this isn’t a joke? You’re not just teasing me?” He pulls the pencil out from behind his ear and flicks it between his fingers. “Bye.” The door starts to close in my face, but I quickly press my hand to it, holding it open. “Wait! Not so fast. I didn’t say no.” I swallow, and Theo taps his bare foot on the floor impatiently. He’s twirling the pencil around his fingers as he watches me. Shit. If I don’t take this deal, I could fail my class, and there goes my time in the water. I’ll be kicked off the team, and I’ll lose my scholarship and have to leave school. Hell.

I could just say forget it and walk away now. But my heart rate triples and my stomach hurts from just the thought of losing my spot on the team. The fucked-up truth is I need him, desperately. I can do this. I have to do this. And if I really think about it, whoring myself for tutoring isn’t even the most embarrassing thing I’ve done. Probably doesn’t even make the top five, if I’m really honest. “Fine. Fine. I’ll do whatever. Just help me out, man. I’m begging.” The pencil freezes in his hand and he cocks his head, eyes slightly widened. I’ve surprised him by agreeing, I know it, but that little reaction disappears the next second, and his mask of indifference snaps back into place. “Fine. Come back tomorrow. Six o’clock. Bring your study shit with you. And a copy of negative test results.” I blink at him, speechless. “I assume you have those.” “Yeah, but—” The door slams in my face before I can finish my sentence, and I just blink at it. Well, that was interesting. I look up and down the hallway, half-expecting to see video cameras hidden somewhere. Maybe my teammates are playing a practical joke on me, but when no one makes an appearance, I just move toward the rickety stairs that lead down to the parking lot. They groan and creak under my weight, but I barely notice. Because, seriously, what the fuck did I just get myself into?

“I’m sorry, you did what?” my best friend, Finn, asks as I sink into the couch in the small living room we share. It’s a small one-bedroom apartment off campus that’s sparsely furnished. Not that we really spend much time here. I’m usually in class or in the water, and Finn spends every free second with his other best friend—my brother, Landon. I groan and rub a hand down my face. Finn is never going to let me live this down. Hell, I don’t even know if I will let myself live this down. I am selling my body for tutoring services. Is this a new low? Because it kind of feels like it. Although, I’m not as upset about it as I probably should be. “You heard me the first time. Don’t pretend like you didn’t.” He sweeps a lock of his shaggy brown hair out of his eyes and then crosses his arms over his broad chest. The two of us play on the same team and have been friends since middle school. We’ve been inseparable for years, even choosing to be college roommates. So, he knows me, and it shouldn’t surprise me how well he can read me. “How the hell did you manage to get yourself into this?” he asks, cocking his head and watching me intently. Take a good, hard look, buddy. I’m just as confused as you.

“So, let me get this straight—no pun intended—you’re going over to some strange dude’s place, and you’re going to fuck around with him in hopes of maybe, hopefully passing a chemistry class?” I sigh. “Yeah, it’s the only way he’d help me.” Finn just eyes me like I’ve grown two heads. I probably have. I’m obviously not thinking clearly. Maybe neither of those heads have a brain. “But you’re not gay.” “Yeah, so? Sexuality is a squiggly line, right? Maybe I am a little gay or bi or whatever. I just don’t know because I’ve never tried it. I have an open mind. Dicks are cool, and I’m willing to try anything. Hell, maybe I’ll even enjoy it. He’s not bad-looking, you know? His eyes are kind of…eerie, but he’s sort of…hot?” Finn blinks at me like he can’t understand the words coming out of my mouth. “Fuckin’ hell,” I mutter, growing just a bit frustrated at how dense he’s being. If anyone is the dense one, it’s me. Not him. Stop pretending to be me, Finn.

He can’t coerce you into sex. That’s sexual harassment or something.” “Nah, I don’t think it’s illegal. His tutoring services aren’t affiliated with the school, so I think he can do whatever he wants. He seems a little rogue anyway. But he’s not coercing me and we’re not exchanging money. We came to an agreement. Whatever we do, I’ll be a willing participant.” Finn plops down next to me and eyes me. “What if you can’t get it up or something? What then?” “I dunno. I’m not going to worry about that until it happens.” I try to envision it, bending Theo’s lithe body over and pushing my way inside his tight hole, and my dick twitches in my pants. And then, when I reverse the roles, and I’m the one bent over and taking it up the ass, my dick leaps to attention. Oh, for fuck’s sake. I am so screwed.

“When do you go over?” he asks suddenly, and I jump. Shit, I’m nervous. If I think too hard about it, I start to sweat. It’s not a good look. “Tomorrow at six.” “Wow,” Finn says, and then a small laugh bursts from him. “Hell, man, only this kind of stuff happens to you. I swear to God. You have the worst luck.” I rub a hand across my jaw. “It’s the family curse. That’s what this is.” He leans back and laughs loudly because he thinks it’s a joke, but it’s no joking matter. My family is fucking cursed. No one believes me, but it’s a real thing. I’m like the kid in that book Holes. The cycle never ends. Just look at my motherfucking luck. My virgin hole is going to get railed by some science nerd just so I can keep my spot on the water polo team. And then look at my brother… Shit. My brother. My heart clenches in my chest, and I rub at it. I need to call him or text him or something. I can’t keep avoiding him. It’s been a year since the accident, and I’ve been acting all shifty, and he knows something’s up. “You should go see him. He misses you,” Finn says, reading my mind. Asshole’s always doing that. “I just saw him last month.” Finn nudges me, and I huff. My brother, Landon, and I used to be close. We talked almost every day before the accident, but the immense guilt has kept me from reaching out. Seeing him reminds me of that day and it’s suffocating. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll call him. I will. I promise.” “He doesn’t blame you.” I rub my chest again and then nod. “Yeah, alri...

“What’s its name?” I ask, holding my hand out and making little kissing noises toward it. The cat just stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. Yeah, I kind of have, but what am I supposed to do, huh? Don’t judge me, cat. “Why the fuck do you care?” Theo asks sharply. “Just want to know, is all.” He sighs loudly. “Her name is Curie.” “Oh….” I say, trying to figure out if this is like a play on words or something. I come up with nothing. Maybe he likes Indian food or some shit. “Marie Curie was a female scientist.” When my face registers that I still don’t know what the hell he’s talking about, he rolls his eyes. “Never mind.” I eye the cat once more and she suddenly turns and jumps onto the bed. She turns her neck to look back at me and flicks her tail as if proudly displaying her butthole. Ok, maybe I was wrong about the cat. Maybe the cat is just as odd as Theo. Maybe they feed off of each other’s strangeness. “After services are rendered, we’ll fuck,” Theo says suddenly, and I flinch, my asshole clenching tightly. Shit. Is this guy for real? He’s more efficient than the local drug dealer back home…and that guy even has a website. I wonder if Theo has one too. Will tutor for anal. I bob my head all casual, even though my heart thumps wildly in my chest. “Cool. Sounds good.” “We’ll shake on it,” he says and then holds out his hand. I stare at it before slipping mine inside of his. He has nice fucking hands—warm and strong with long fingers that curl around mine, and I sudd...

I slide onto the floor and lean back against the edge of the bed. Then I extend my legs and set my laptop and chemistry book on my thighs. They’re pretty thick thighs, if I do say so, like a nice little tabletop. It’s from treading water all day long. Oh, and I can’t forget those killer squats Coach makes us do. He’s a bit of a sadist, I think. I wonder if Theo is impressed. The women I’m with usually are, but what about this guy? What does he think when he looks at me?

Fuck, he’s unnerving. Why does he keep staring at me? I don’t think he’s checking me out, either. I think he’s probably measuring my skin for lampshades.

“Tell me what you’re struggling with, and we’ll go from there.” The cat moves over to where we’re sitting and splays across the floor in front of us, her yellow eyes slowly blinking at me. Asshole cat…acting all nonchalant about this whole situation. I wet my lips and then explain to Theo what I don’t understand, which is basically everything. I don’t even know if he can understand the shit flowing out of my mouth right now. I ramble on for a couple minutes and whatever I’m saying sounds like gibberish to even my own ears. I’m not sure I’m even speaking English. “So—” he stops me mid-sentence, “you need help with pretty much everything,” he mutters, running a hand through his hair. “I should have known. You better be really good with your mouth.” “I’ve never had any complaints,” I reply. “One girl even said, ‘Logan, your mouth was made in heaven.’” He looks mildly disgusted. “Oh Jesus, no more, please.” “Yeah, yeah,” I mutter. Theo takes a deep breath and then delves right in. He doesn’t even ask if I’m ready; he just starts talking and drawing on his board, and I’m left scrambling to write everything down. But once the initial panic wears off, what he’s saying starts to actually make sense. The concepts that seemed so foreign to me in class sound completely logical with how he explains them. No wonder he came so highly recommended. No wonder he’s booked out a year in advance. He’s fucking amazing. He also seems a hell of a lot more personable when he’s teaching about chem...

my cheeks begin to flush because I’ve just remembered that my tutoring session is over, and it’s time for fucking. “Alright,” I say, just wanting to get this over with. I run my sweaty hands over my thighs and exhale shakily. “What do we do now?” Theo doesn’t answer me right away. I look up at his face and he’s just sitting a foot away, watching me, assessing me. His arctic blue eyes are unreadable, and I start to squirm. What the hell is he thinking? He reminds me of a cat, actually. Maybe Curie is his spirit animal. “You’re making me nervous, man,” I mutter, and he blinks slowly, almost as if coming out of some kind of trance. “I need to see your test results.” Oh shit, yeah, I forgot all about them, and it’s important. My hands tremble slightly as I pull them up on my phone and show him. He eyes my screen and then pulls his up on his phone. The words swim and shift on the paper, but I see enough. He’s good to go. So, as crazy as this is, we’re not being reckless. “Alright. Now, on the bed, shirt off, face up,” he says. My heartbeat is in my ears as I push myself off the floor and sink down on his bed.

“All the way back,” Theo says, and I flop the rest of the way down. My fingers clench the soft fabric of his comforter, and my eyes are fixed on the popcorn ceiling. Curie has hopped onto the bed and sits on the pillow directly next to my head, watching me intently. Oh, fuck this. Two sets of eyes on me are making me nervous, like I have to perform or something. I’m never this nervous. I always perform so well under pressure, but for some reason, my entire body is thrumming with nerves now. This cat watching me is pushing me over the edge. “Can you move the cat?” I ask. “It’s just a little weird.” Theo tosses the pencil onto his desk. It clatters noisily against the tabletop as he moves toward me. He crawls up the bed and straddles my thighs. “No.” “Shit,” I mutter, trying to block Curie from my vision, but that puffball is all I can see. She’s lying down now, purring. It’s fucking distracting. Shit on a stick. What did I say about the family curse? It can’t get any more terrible than this.

Beneath my palm, I can feel his soft cock through his sweatpants, and I just press against it, not sure what else to do. I mean, I should know what to do. I’m a dude. I jack off ritually. But I’ve never touched another guy’s junk before. I don’t know what he likes. This guy seems like he has standards, and I’m not sure I can live up to them. “Well, come on then,” Theo says, his hands fisted on his thighs. “Get me hard.” “You should be hard already,” I say. “I’m Logan Lewis.” He huffs a humorless laugh and shakes his head. “Jesus, guys like you always think you’re something special, but you’re just ordinary.” Well, no one has ever told me that before, and it makes me feel a bit defensive. “I’m not ordinary.” He eyes my bare chest and then grabs ahold of my hand and slides it against his dick. I feel it start to slowly lengthen and harden in his pants. “The only thing not ordinary about you is your abs. They’re ridiculously cut.” He runs a hand across them, and I flex a little more so his fingertips bounce across them.

“Pull me out,” he says, his voice strained, and I freeze, my hand still cupping his dick over his pants and my other clutching onto the comforter for dear life. He rolls his eyes when I don’t move, hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his sweatpants, and tugs them down. They stretch across his thighs as his cock emerges long and thick before me. I do absolutely nothing but stare at it. It’s humongous, and it’s making eye contact with me. “Go on,” he says, and I wet my lips, my mouth feeling extremely dry. My hand moves as if on autopilot, and I grasp onto him. It feels so fucking different. Different from holding onto my own dick. Maybe because he’s bigger than me, but damn. I’m holding another dude’s cock in my hand. It’s fucking with my mind. “Come on. Jack me off. I have shit to do after this.” I give a clipped nod and pump my fist, watching as his tip emerges between my fingers. Jesus, it’s saying hello, isn’t it? Playing peekaboo. “Tighter,” he says, his cheeks flushed pink, his breath a little stuttered. I do as he says, grasping him a little firmer. He’s smooth as silk, and his dick almost throbs in my palm. A drop of precum beads at the tip and I swipe at it with my thumb. I wonder what this would feel like up my ass, stretching me out. The visual makes my dick take notice, and it stirs in my pants, but my nerves keep it from hardening

Theo leans back a little, his hands still grasping onto his thighs, his eyes moving from where I’m holding onto him, to my abs, and then finally to my eyes. “Faster,” he mutters. “Why do you suck so much at this?” My mouth turns down in a frown as I pump him more vigorously. “I’ve never done this to another guy before,” I retort, feeling defensive once again. “I can tell,” he grumbles and begins arching his hips a little, fucking himself into my fist. “You may owe me something else after this if I can’t get off.” I narrow my eyes at him and squeeze him roughly. Asshole making up new rules. He can’t change them now. I will get him off. I’ll fucking make him come. I might not be a lot of things, but I am definitely determined. I begin adding a little twist with my wrist at the end of each stroke, and oh yeah, he likes that. I can tell. A small moan slips from his mouth the first time, and he bites down on his bottom lip to keep them in, but I can tell he’s close. “Shit,” he groans when I reach down and stroke his balls with my free hand. I’ve always liked w...

Never had another dude’s come in my belly button before. It’s like a tiny swimming pool. I should set up a small diving board or some shit.

“Let go of me,” he says gruffly, his words sounding almost angry. What the hell? I just gave him a fucking orgasm of epic proportions. He should be thanking me, not snapping my head off. It’s like he’s mad I went through with this. Well, think again, fucker. I don’t back down from anything. How do you think I got to where I am today? By giving up? Fuck no. I persevere. I unwrap my hand from him, and he slides off of me, tucking himself back in his pants. A box of tissues is tossed at me, and I grab onto it, wiping myself up as best I can. Curie never moved from her spot on the bed, but now her leg is straight up in the air, and she’s licking her butthole. She’s probably just reminding me that soon my butthole is going to be wrecked by her human’s monster dick. Thanks, asshole cat. “So that was good, yeah? We’re even?” I ask, clutching the used wad of tissues in my hand and looking for a place to toss them. This guy came a lot. He has big balls or something. Big balls. Big dick. And, right now, I smell like his come, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. “It was subpar, but we’re even,” Theo says, tossing me my shirt and then pointing to the trashcan. “Subpar,” I scoff. “I played with your balls.” “So?” he says, folding his arms across his chest. “Prick,” I mutter, tossing the trash into the can and pulling my shirt on. “Whatever.” He can be a negative Nancy if he wants. I don’t care. As long as I pass this class.

“When can we meet again?” “Next week.” “Nah,” I say. “I need to meet as often as you can squeeze me in because I have a test coming up.” “You do realize that just because you think you’re important, doesn’t mean I give two shits about you and your perceived needs.” What the hell is he talking about? How is this guy such a great teacher and yet, such a fucking jerk? “Come on, man. Can you meet tomorrow?” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Fine. Tomorrow at six a.m.” My eyebrows rise at that. “Hell no.” “Take it or leave it. I have plans tomorrow night.” I rub a hand over my face and sigh. I guess I could get up a little earlier before practice and squeeze in a bit of studying. Hopefully, my brain works that early. Usually, it’s mush until about four in the afternoon. “Fine. And do we have to do that again?” I ask because I need to get my asshole in shape if he plans to stick anything inside it. He shrugs. “Depends on what I feel like doing. Could be that, could be a blow job, could be me bending you over a desk.” My cheeks flush crimson at the image that pops into my head, and I avert my eyes. They land on Curie again. That cat is everywhere, always judging. I stick my t...

I stumble up the steps to Theo’s apartment and pound on the door. My eyes are still bleary from lack of sleep because I’ve been replaying that hand job repeatedly in my head. I was obsessing over it. It kept me up until two in the morning. And then I may have watched some gay porn too. I didn’t hate it. I watched quite a lot of it and got all sorts of ideas. At three a.m., I trudged into the kitchen to look for a cucumber I know we had—a cucumber that looked to be about the same size as Theo’s dick—but Finn had eaten it. Who eats a whole fucking cucumber in one day? Finn, that’s who. But it’s probably a good thing he did; I was going to do awful things to it. The grocery man would see the guilt on my face and know when I went to buy veggies next time. They’d ban me from the produce department, fearful of what I might do to a head of lettuce. And honestly, what if my sphincter had sucked that thing right inside, and it disappeared entirely? I’d have to go to the ER, and Finn would never let me live it down. I’d end up on one of those reality TV shows where doctors laugh at you and call you an idiot. I opted, instead, to order a dildo with a nice thick base to keep myself out of the hospital. It comes next week. I plan on using it often.

“You’re late,” Theo says as soon as he opens the door and sees me leaning, hands against the frame. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, and the haze of fatigue slowly dissipates. Does this guy just get more and more naked each time I see him? Next time he answers the door, he’ll just be wearing one sock. Maybe he’s just fucking with me or something. I don’t think he likes me, so I wouldn’t put it past him. He cackles about this when I leave and talks about it with his friends, I just know it. “You look like shit,” he says, and I mutter curses at him. “I’m tired. I was up late.” Looking at dudes fucking each other and ordering sex toys.

“Okay, so let’s start up where we left off…” Theo begins, and once again, like magic, he explains everything so simply. He’s brilliant, even at this ungodly hour. In between gulps of coffee, I’m writing as fast as I can. I interrupt occasionally to ask questions when I need more explanation, and he elaborates. Theo is ridiculously good. He needs to start a YouTube channel so that chumps like me stand a chance in the real world. When the book slams shut an hour later, I just blink at him in complete awe. “You should be a professor,” I blurt, and Theo eyes me. “I’m going to be a pharmacologist.” My eyebrows meet. “Oh.” Don’t know what the fuck that is. I think it’s kind of like a drug dealer, but fancier.

Theo watches me for a moment and then stands up, stretching his long limbs. “Alright, on the bed again. On your side this time.” My hands start to sweat as I ask, “Shirt off?” “No.” I bob my head as I push myself up and then lie down on the bed. I prop my head up with my hand, watching as Theo peels himself out of the boxers. His balls swing heavily between his legs as he crawls his way over to me, and then he lies down in front of me, his back pressed against my chest, his ass against my crotch. “Jerk me off again,” he says, and I lean a little closer, my knees knocking into the back of his as I reach over and cup his flaccid dick in my palm. I wonder why he’s never hard to begin with. Is he not attracted to me? He did say I was ordinary. Maybe he doesn’t like my face. Maybe that’s why he’s facing away from me this time. For some reason, that kind of hurts my feelings. I mean, I think I’m kind of hot, and I have curly hair which chicks dig. But Theo isn’t a chick. Maybe I’m just not his type. I play with him a little and he gets hard, but it’s a slow process and takes a lot of work. When he’s fully erect, I begin pumping him feverishly like last time, and I make sure to add in that little twist at the end, my thumb brushing against his tip. I can tell he likes that because he presses his ass into me, and lets out a soft moan. I do it again, and he leans back further, his head falling against my bicep and I’m helpless to do anything but stare down at his face. The more I ...

I move my gaze toward where our bodies connect. It’s so different doing this with him. He’s all hard with sharp angles. There’s nothing soft about him…except his dick before I start playing with it. And maybe his balls. Speaking of…I let go of his dick and roll his balls in my palm, and he inhales shakily. I tug on them like I know he likes, and he hisses, his eyes popping open. “My dick only,” he snaps, and I sigh, grabbing onto him again. Damn, he’s so bossy and controlling. Does this guy even like to experiment, or does sex always have to be his way? Theo’s eyelids flutter closed again, and he nibbles on his bottom lip. “Tighter,” he adds, his tongue peeking out and wetting his lips. I clasp him firmer in my grip, jerking him off with a purpose, and he groans. His ass moves against my crotch over and over as he arches into my palm, and my dick rouses from all the friction. It’s semi-hard now, and he must notice because his eyes snap open. I stare down into those blue depths, my hand still pumping him. He doesn’t say anything, his eyes just flicker from mine down to my slightly open mouth and then back again, as he rolls his ass against me. When he comes, my dick is fully hard...

My legs and arms burn from training today. Usually, we practice four days a week, but our coach threw in an extra one because we have a game coming up. I lean up against the wall of the shower to take some of the pressure off of me. Hot water sluices down my back as the heat soothes my aching muscles. My eyes close in exhaustion, but as soon as they do, my mind conjures up Theo pressed up against me yesterday morning. Shit. I look down at my dick, and it twitches between my legs. After I left his apartment, I ended up sitting in my car having some kind of mini-identity crisis. I’d pressed my forehead against the steering wheel and took deep breaths through my nose because my dick was still as hard as a rock. So hard it hurt. When I couldn’t get it to go down, I ended up jacking off right there in the parking lot while people made their way to work, throwing a discarded sweater I’d found in my back seat over my lap to hide my dirty deed. And let me tell you…I came so quickly and so hard that I blacked out. When I came to, I had a mini-anxiety attack because experiencing a shift in worldview is serious business. Afterward, as I was sitting in my mess, my brother called me. Needless to say, I didn’t answer. I just couldn’t handle it. Not right then. I’ll call him later today. I gotta give myself a pep talk first, though. Fuck, I’m losing my mind.

“You took a long ass shower,” Finn says, eyeing me when I step out of the stall. My towel is wrapped tightly around my waist as I stride past him. “I ache,” I tell him, moving toward my locker and pulling it open. “Nope, that’s not it. Training this morning was normal. So, it’s something else.” He waits for me to tell him something, but I clamp my mouth shut. Finn leans against the lockers and watches me. “You never told me how it’s going with your tutoring.” I let my towel drop onto the floor and pull on a pair of athletic shorts. I don’t even bother with underwear. Sometimes that shit is more work than it’s worth. “Nothing to tell. The tutor is good at explaining shit. I may have a real chance.” Finn leans a little closer to me and nudges me with his knuckles. “And you’re still paying him, right?” His eyes widen as he says it, and I slam my locker shut. “Yep.” He punches my arm when I don’t give him more than that. “Come on, Logan. Tell me something.” “No,” I say and push past him, pulling my backpack over my shoulders. I have to get to class. This is one of the easier ones too. The Rise of Digital Culture. My counselor said it would be a piece of cake, and they weren’t wrong. I have a B in it. Not too bad, if you ask me. But still not good enough to bring my entire GPA up. My other two classes are C’s. So, as it stands, I need a passing grade in chemistry to make sure I can still play. “Hey, why all the secrets?” Finn asks jogging alongside me. I stop abruptly and face...

I slip into a seat in the back of the class and pull out my laptop, setting it on the desk. I open up a new document, and my fingers clack loudly on the keyboard as the professor begins to lecture, and I try to stay focused, I really do, but my mind wanders into dark alleys and lurks about mischievously. I end up thinking about Theo—the shape of his hard body, the feel of his dick in my hand, that mysterious tattoo on his side, his smell—and about how I don’t hate any of it. When I finally shake my thoughts free of him, I glance around and realize my cheeks are burning. Shit. My dick is hard too. I shift in my seat and stare intently at the computer screen. Focus, Logan. I need to keep my grade up in this class. Easier said than done.

I’m sitting on the floor of Theo’s apartment, my book in my lap as he explains a chemical formula I can’t for the life of me make sense of—mainly because I keep thinking about his cock. I can’t help it. All I can smell is him and it’s making me horny. I wonder what kind of deodorant he uses. Or maybe it’s his soap. Or maybe it’s just him. He’s wearing more clothes today than I’ve ever seen him in. Tight jeans and a checkered tank top that hangs loosely on his thin frame. At one point, he shifted, and I could see his nipple. It just peeked out and said hello. I stared at it a little too long. I wonder if he likes them sucked on? No one has ever done that to me. I wonder if I’d like it too? Another guy was leaving Theo’s apartment just as I arrived. Did he have his lips around Theo’s nipples? Does Theo have other people jerk him off in exchange for tutoring? The thought makes something unfurl deep inside of me. “Does that make sense?” Theo asks, snapping my gaze up to his. “Uh, um, no.” None of this makes sense. My eyes flick to the book in his lap and then back up to his eyes. “You’re not paying attention. You’re wasting my time.” “Sorry, man,” I say with a whine, running a hand over my face. “I’m so distracted.” You, Theo. You’re my distraction. He stares at me for a full minute, making me squirm, and then sets the book aside. “Tell me why you’re distracted so we can move on.” I swallow and look away from him. No way in hell I’m telling him shit. That is for my brain and ...

let me know when you’re ready to start. But just know that I have plans in about an hour.” I take another sip of my soda. “What plans?” Fuck, here I am, trying to make small talk. “None of your business,” he mutters, and I sigh. This guy is a fucking mystery. “What do you like to do for fun?” I blurt. He slams the book closed and folds his arms across his chest. “Why the third degree?” he asks. I run a hand through my hair and laugh a little. “This isn’t the third degree. I’m not interrogating you. Fuck, I was just making small talk.” “I hate small talk. It’s pointless and trivial. We’re not friends, you don’t get to know me.” I blink at him and then I finish off my drink, crumpling the can in my hand and tossing it into the garbage. “What the fuck ever,” I mutter, shaking my head. I start to move back to our spot on the floor when a cabinet door opens, and Curie pops out, leaping onto the counter in front of me. It scares the ever-loving shit out of me, and I let out a little squeal. Theo chuckles, and the sound is so unexpected that I find myself smiling just a little. Yeah, laugh it up, buddy. You need some smiles to cheer up that unhappy brain. I skirt around Curie, back to where Theo sits, and lower myself onto the floor. The cat, of course, follows me, invading my space and plopping herself directly into my lap. I can feel Theo’s eyes on me as I grumble under my breath, trying to pretend like this cat isn’t melting my heart as she headbutts my arm and silently deman...

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

When we’re finished and he finally shuts the book and sets it down next to him thirty minutes later, I feel my nerves start up again. But it’s more excitement than anything. I close my laptop and set it over my crotch to hide the growing erection underneath it. God, why am I so horny for this? Maybe it’s because this is new and exciting, or maybe it’s because I haven’t gotten laid in over a month. “What do I owe you?” I ask, my voice embarrassingly squeaky. He taps his pencil on his pursed lips and then sets it on the floor. He suddenly pushes himself up and stands in front of me, his fingers reaching out and brushing against my cheek, and my skin positively flames. I’m standing too close to the sun right now; I’m going to get burned. The vein in my neck pulses violently, as does the one in my dick. It knows, positively knows, what’s going to go down right now. And I am so fucking ready. Theo’s thumb presses against my bottom lip, pulling it down slightly, and then he pulls away, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. I’m practically panting as I watch him, but his face is impassive and expressionless. Either this dude has the best poker face I’ve ever seen, or he really doesn’t like me. My stomach twists slightly at the thought. He yanks down his pants, his cock jutting out right in front of my mouth, and I exhale shakily. Jesus, never have I ever done this before, and I am fucking tense. It doesn’t help that Curie is sound asleep next to me and purring, loudly—damn cat sou...

“Suck,” he says. “Go easy on me,” I whisper, and he gives me a clipped nod. My lips part and I lean forward, pressing them to the tip of him, then flicking my tongue out to trace his slit. His breath stutters above me, and it spurs me on. I suck his entire head into my mouth and the taste of him explodes on my tongue—slightly salty, musty, and clean, like soap. I shift a little closer, and his fingers thread through my hair as he pushes his cock further into me. My jaw aches from how wide I have to keep it open, and we’ve barely even started. My hands reach up and clasp onto his hips, my fingertips digging into his skin as he continues to stretch my mouth around him. It goes on and on, and my eyes water as he bottoms out, my throat working around his thick length. Apparently, I don’t have a sensitive gag reflex, because he goes in quite nicely. Shit, who knew? He pulls back out slowly and his cock drags over my tongue until he’s almost fully out and then he pushes his way slowly back inside, carefully entering my throat again. I swallow around him again, and he moans, his fingers tightening in my hair, tugging roughly. “Fuck,” he whispers as he gently fucks into my mouth and throat. I’m drooling now, my jaw aching as I breathe through my nose. He bottoms out with every thrust, his balls hitting my chin, and I dig my fingers into his thighs as he softly rocks into me. My eyes are drawn to his face, and when I look up, his eyes are on me. His pupils are blown out, his cheeks...

“I need your number,” Theo says suddenly, and I glance up at him from where I’m seated. “Yeah, okay,” my throat raspy and a little sore. I gulp and wince a little. “Just in case we need to reach each other. Because I assume you will need my services until the end of the semester?” “Yeah.” Fuck, six more weeks until this is over. Not sure how I feel about that. My dick doesn’t seem to mind because it’s hard and pressed against my pants. Yeah, I guess I know how I feel about it. I adjust my cock and grab onto my laptop and chemistry book, standing on wobbly legs. My fingers press against my sore lips, and I massage my jaw. “Are you okay?” he asks. I nod. “Just sore.” He rolls his lips between his teeth and then holds out his hand. “Give me your phone.” Reaching into my pocket, I pull it out, enter the code, and set it in his palm. He peeks up at me after he enters his number and then hands it back to me. “Only text me if you can’t make it over. Do not text me for any other reason. We aren’t friends.” My eyebrows narrow, and I shove my phone back into my pocket. Why does he have to go and be rude? Especially after all I just did for him. “Why the fuck would I want to text you?” I mutter, and Theo visibly flinches. I’m surprised when I see it because it’s the only clear sign of emotion I’ve ever seen from him. Now I feel like shit because maybe I hurt his feelings? I didn’t mean to, but man, this guy is so frustrating. I just reacted without thinking. He confuses me, and I do...

Tutor: Opening today at 6 p.m. Theo’s text stares up at me, and I clench my jaw. The asshole didn’t even put his actual name in my phone; just put tutor. I could just change it, but I don’t. Everything with him is so impersonal. It bothers me a little. I looked up his social media but his profiles are private, so I can’t find out anything about him. Maybe this guy should just stay a mystery…but I had his cock down my throat yesterday, and my dick gets hard when I think of him, so it’s becoming a little personal on my end. Last night, I looked up that poem he has on his side. It was by some lady named Mary Oliver. The poem is about overcoming intense hurt or grief and becoming stronger because of it. I’m scared to ask him more about it, though. I’m still surprised he told me what the tattoo said in the first place. I think Theo likes to remain a mystery.

I grab the bag of takeout containers and walk out of the hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant near Theo’s place. I bought a ton of food because I’m hungry, and this guy eats jelly for dinner, apparently. Maybe that’s why he’s so thin. I could probably lift him into my arms easily. I could wear him as a backpack. I push those thoughts away as I drive

My phone rings from the cupholder, and I glance down at it. Mom. Fuck, I forgot to call her back. I quickly fumble for the phone and press the green button. “Hey, Mom,” I say, and my heart jumps a little. “Hey, Logan. I was just calling because it’s been a while since we chatted and I miss you. And so does dad. You know how he is.” My ribs are going to snap with how tight my chest feels. “Yeah, um, I’ve just been busy,” I say. “I know, I totally know. I just…I wanted to make sure you were okay.” I know what she’s referring to, and no, I’m not okay. Not really. But I don’t want to go there either. I’ve been avoiding my family for a reason. “I’m fine. Doing really good,” I say. “I’m actually on my way to meet my tutor for chemistry.” “Awesome. So glad to hear you found help.” “Yeah, me too.” “I just wanted you to know that I love you, and I would love for you to come home and visit if you want.” “Yeah, I would like that,” I lie. It just rings false to my ears, and she knows it t...

I’m striding into his apartment, feeling kind of dumb for bringing all this extra food with me. But whatever, this dude needs to eat. I pull all the takeout boxes out of the bag, setting them on his counter in a nice little row. “I had a long practice and was starving. Brought some for you too,” I say, opening each of the drawers in his tiny kitchen before finding the forks. “Why are you bringing me food?” he asks, seemingly offended that I brought something other than myself and my chem book. I just roll my eyes. “So, you’ll let me suck your dick and drink your come, but sharing a meal is too much?” He blinks at me, the pencil stilling between his fingers. “Fine,” he says in a clipped tone, grabbing a fork, opening one of the containers, and peering inside. He seems to like what he sees because he stabs a piece of meat and shoves it into his mouth. His eyelids flutter a bit, and I bite back a smirk. The asshole was hungry, I knew it. Curie walks over to me and brushes against my ankles, and I pull a toy mouse from my pocket. I chuck it onto the floor, but Curie just eyes it like it has an infectious disease. “Go on,” I say. “Play with it. It’s yours.” She turns to me and gives me a look like I just insulted her mother and then struts away. “Why the fuck are you buying my cat toys?” I shrug. “Dunno. Wanted to win her over or something.” Theo devours another large bite and then mumbles, “Don’t buy her stuff.” I shrug, feeling annoyed he’s so prickly when I’m just trying to...

We eat in silence for a few minutes when I ask, “How old are you?” Theo sets the box of food onto the counter and folds his arms across his chest. Oh, here he goes again, getting all defensive. “Come on, man. It makes me uneasy to fuck around with you and not know anything about you. It might work for you, being all detached and shit, but it makes me feel weird.” He ponders that a moment and then says, “Twenty-four.” Ah, so he’s a little older than me. “You undergrad?” “No, graduate.” Fuck, that’s impressive. This dude is super smart. I mean, I knew that. But now I know that. “I’m twenty-two. A super senior. Had to retake some classes because, as you can tell, school isn’t my thing.” Plus, there was that one semester I was home with my brother, but I don’t want to go there right now. Theo doesn’t notice my behavior change and picks up his food again, slowly chewing as he eyes me. Well, he isn’t telling me to go to hell, so I decide it’s his way of telling me to go ahead and ask more questions. “What’s your favorite color?” I ask. He licks his lips. “Grey.” I roll my eyes and laugh softly. “Mine is yellow. Favorite food?” “Cock,” he says, and I choke a little on my food. When I manage to clear my airways, I look up at him and see his lips twitching. Fucker. Thinks he’s so funny. “Come on, stop fucking with me…favorite food? Mine is pizza. Pepperoni, sausage, and pineapple.” He grimaces. “Waffles.” I beam. This guy is giving me a peek into his soul, and it makes me fucking e...

When we’re done, Curie is fast asleep on his lap and Theo leans back and rubs his temples. “You okay?” I ask. “Yes,” he says, glancing at me. “Want some Advil? I have some in my bag….” “No, I’m fine. Just…get on the bed. Shirt off. I’m tired and want to make this quick.” “Hey, man. If you don’t feel good, we don’t have to….” He narrows his gaze at me, and I lift my hands in surrender. Fine, fine. He makes these transactions like they’re life or death. I whip off my shirt, lean back on the pillows, and Theo straddles me. My hands run up his thighs as he pulls his pants down, and because I’m getting the hang of this, I just reach out and grasp onto his semi-hard length. His eyes flutter closed, and his nostrils flare as I pump his cock in my hand, but he doesn’t really seem into it. If anything, he appears to be annoyed. “Harder.” “Faster.” “Tighter.” Nothing seems to make his guy happy, and I’m starting to panic. What the hell am I doing wrong? “Fuck this,” he says suddenly, slapping my hand away and crawling up my chest. “Open,” he says, the tip of his cock hitting my mouth. I open my mouth, and he slides himself inside. My hands move up to grasp onto his ass as he fucks himself in and out of me. He’s rougher than he was the first time and I huff and gurgle around him as he pounds into me. It’s hard to breathe, but I still pull him into me each time. Maybe I’m into breath play or some shit because my hips hump the air as he slides in and out of my throat, and when I groa...

Tutor: Sick. Don’t come over. I eye my phone and then shove it into my back pocket. I knew he didn’t look well yesterday. For a minute, I’d wondered if maybe he was just over me in general, but nah, he just wasn’t feeling well. That’s why it took him so long to come. “Hey, Logan, I’m going to drive down to Santa Cruz and chill with Landon,” Finn tells me, slapping me on the back. “You want to come? We could watch a movie or something.” I pull my backpack over my shoulders and shake my head. Shit, I should go and see my brother, but the whole thing with Theo is bugging me. Some would say I’m using him as an excuse to avoid bigger issues. And yeah, maybe that’s so. “I can’t. I have tutoring.” It’s not just my younger brother I’ve been kind of, sort of avoiding. It’s Finn too. I haven’t told him what’s going on with my dick. Or my brain. It’s all a scrambled mess. Last night, I caved and jacked off to thoughts of Theo standing over me, his dick down my throat. It couldn’t be helped; my balls were aching. I came so hard that I had to wash my sheets. Then I did it again in the shower. I had one finger up my ass while I did it, too. Finn’s eyes narrow in concern. I really hope he can’t read my thoughts right now. “Look, I’ll tell Landon you’re busy with school, but he won’t buy that excuse forever. He knows you, Logan. And he knows you blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault—” “Yeah, but it was.” “Logan…” my best friend protests, but I just shake my head, my hand running across th...

I set the water down on the floor and press the back of my hand to his face. He wrenches his head away, but I do it again anyway, feeling his feverish, clammy skin against mine. “You have a fever.” He coughs a little. “No shit.” “I have Tylenol,” I say, moving to the bag and rustling through it, pulling out an unopened bottle. I shake two out and hand them to him. He stares at them warily, and I just shove my hand closer to his face so he’s forced to grab them from me. He places them in his mouth and swallows them dry. Impressive. I’ve always wondered how people did that without choking. I tried it once and the pill got lodged in my throat and just dissolved there, creating a putrid, burning sensation until I vomited. My pill-swallowing skills are obviously not up to par with my dick-swallowing skills. “I have cough drops if you want some and Vicks Vapor Rub. Oh, and some NyQuil.” “Jesus,” he says as he flops back on the bed and curls into himself. “You need to leave.” “I’ll go after the fever breaks. This could be serious. That smart brain of yours could turn to soup.” And I need a reason to not go see my brother. I’d rather be here. That makes me a bad person, huh? Shit. “Don’t want you here,” he grunts as he closes his eyes. “Want you gone.” “Too bad,” I mutter and lower myself onto the other side of the lumpy bed, crossing my ankles and pulling up a movie on my phone. He looks over his shoulder at me, his eyes looking tired and almost sad, and he sighs heavily. “Fin...

“Why the fuck you still here?” he grumbles, his words coming out slurred. I press my hand against his cheek and can tell he’s still burning up. For a moment, I debate calling a doctor and then discard it. There’s no way he’d let me cart him around anywhere, and I don’t even know if this guy has insurance. “You’re still sick, that’s why,” I say, and he rolls away from me with a groan. “Go away,” he says, but I don’t listen. I stand up and move toward his bathroom. I can feel his eyes on me as I disappear inside, and they’re still on me when I return with a wet washrag in my hand. I press it against his skin, and he lets out a contented sigh. Dude is trying to act all tough when he really just wants someone to take care of him. “Feels good, huh?” I say and then continue pressing it against his overheated face. “Mmm.” A cough bursts from his mouth, and I reach over for the glass of water and help him drink. “Do you have anyone you want me to call? Family?” I ask because I always want my mom when I’m sick. It doesn’t matter that I’ve technically outgrown it, there’s just something about her presence that makes it all better. “You make it sound like I’m dying.” I sweep a strand of hair from his forehead and shake my head. “I just meant that maybe you want your mom here or something. Maybe someone related to you, dunno. Someone other than me.” He glances away, and he covers up the bottom half of his face with the blanket. “Don’t have family,” he says, his words mumbled benea...

Maybe I should clean up or something. His apartment is pretty small, but it’s never a bad thing to tidy up a bit. I move around his space, wiping down counters and sweeping up the floor. I even clean out Curie’s litter box. She takes a dump right after too, actually making eye contact with me as she pushes a log out. Shaking my head at her, I turn my gaze and it lands on his desk where I notice a stack of papers. I press my finger against the top one and lean a little closer. It’s an application for a legal name change. Interesting. I wonder why he wants to do that. My eyes slide from those and land on a leatherbound book sitting on top of a stack of textbooks. I pick it up and flip it open before slamming it shut quickly. Shit, it’s his journal. I could tell what it was after my eyes swept over a few lines. Never was good enough. Am I trying to prove that I am? Why do I still care? I shouldn’t have done that. I should probably hide that journal somewhere so I’m not tempted to read more, because if I do, he’ll be pissed. He’ll probably ban me from his place and refuse to tutor me anymore. Or he’ll stick his cock in my mouth, which honestly, would be the preferable punishment. I creep away from his desk like the villain I am and move back to his bed, pressing the cool washcloth to his face once more. He sighs in his sleep, oblivious to the fact that I’m skulking around his apartment, looking at shit I shouldn’t. I just pray he doesn’t notice that his stuff has been moved a...

Landon: Finn told me you’re being tutored for chem. My heart stutters in my chest. I don’t know why I feel like this. I shouldn’t. He’s my brother and my best friend, but guilt can eat a person up from the inside out. It’s going to destroy us if I let it. I glance at the text again and sigh. Fuck Finn for blabbing. I mean, I knew he’d tell Landon. The two of them are close, but still. Some things should remain private. Me: Yeah, desperate times and all that. Landon: We have a lot to talk about when we see each other. Landon: When will that be? Me: Soon. Landon: Can’t evade me forever, bro. You gotta see me sometime. Me: Next weekend, I promise. Landon: You better not ditch. Or I’ll have to come to you. I run a hand over my chest and push myself up off the bed. I know I can’t put it off any longer. I saw my brother right before the fall semester started, so it hasn’t technically been that long since we’ve hung out. But it’s noticeable because we were always so close growing up. We were inseparable. It’s one of the reasons Finn is so close to him too. Everything I did growing up, I did with the two of them. But then the accident happened, and things got weird. So yeah, my absence has been noted and Landon knows why, so he’s calling me on it—like he should. I sigh and press the palms of my hands into my eyes. I can’t think too much about this, or I’ll really stress out. And I can’t be late for practice either. I need my head in the game today. I can’t be distracted. I tip...