Until Him (Inevitable, #1)

by Cora Rose

I can do this. I have to do this. And if I really think about it, whoring myself for tutoring isn’t even the most embarrassing thing I’ve done. Probably doesn’t even make the top five, if I’m really honest.

“After services are rendered, we’ll fuck,” Theo says suddenly, and I flinch, my asshole clenching tightly. Shit. Is this guy for real? He’s more efficient than the local drug dealer back home…and that guy even has a website.

Fuck, he’s unnerving. Why does he keep staring at me? I don’t think he’s checking me out, either. I think he’s probably measuring my skin for lampshades.

I snort and feel my body relax. So maybe it isn’t touching another dude’s dick that’s making me nervous. It’s how impersonal this all is.

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

He suddenly pushes himself up and stands in front of me, his fingers reaching out and brushing against my cheek, and my skin positively flames. I’m standing too close to the sun right now; I’m going to get burned.

Either this dude has the best poker face I’ve ever seen, or he really doesn’t like me. My stomach twists slightly at the thought.

“Look at you stuffed full of me,” he says, one of his fingers tracing my upper lip. He fucks down my throat again, and I swallow. “Such a fucking cock slut,” he mutters. “You don’t even gag.”

Why does he have to go and be rude? Especially after all I just did for him.

Everything with him is so impersonal. It bothers me a little. I looked up his social media but his profiles are private, so I can’t find out anything about him. Maybe this guy should just stay a mystery…but I had his cock down my throat yesterday, and my dick gets hard when I think of him, so it’s becoming a little personal on my end.

Avoidance must be another curse on the family. We never like to bring up the stuff that makes us uncomfortable. We’d rather live our lives walking on eggshells. We love our fucking eggs. My parents even have chickens.

“Why the fuck are you buying my cat toys?” I shrug. “Dunno. Wanted to win her over or something.”

I shrug, feeling annoyed he’s so prickly when I’m just trying to be nice.

It makes me uneasy to fuck around with you and not know anything about you. It might work for you, being all detached and shit, but it makes me feel weird.”

“Theo’s sick. Gonna make sure he’s okay.” “Hold up, the guy who’s tutoring you? Why the fuck do you care about him?” Finn asks, looking seriously confused. Yeah, dude. So am I.

I’m a grump. The asshole ruined my double date. All I could think about was Theo, wondering if he was okay—if he put his damn sheets in the dryer—and I don’t know why I even care. He doesn’t give a shit about me. I’m just a body he can use to get off.

“Boundaries aren’t a bad thing.” “Pfft,” I mutter. “Those aren’t boundaries you have. Those are hundred-foot walls with motherfucking space lasers.”

I stand there frozen because I should not be entertaining this. I need to leave, but then flashes of Logan gently wiping my feverish skin with a washrag infiltrate my mind, and my heart melts a little. Why did he do that? Why did he insist on taking care of me when I’d been nothing but awful to him?

Why does he have to be so fucking perfect when I’m such a hot mess?

I glower up at him because I’m pissed, but still, my dick twitches in my pants. I’ve been jacking off to thoughts of him for the past few days and my dick obviously doesn’t know how to be mad at him. It still wants him. Stupid dick.

You’re smarter than you think,” he says. “I have a GPA of 2.0.” “Intelligence isn’t always measured in academics.”

What we’re doing is a little fucked up. I can admit that. But I’m not really complaining, either. I don’t mind a little weirdness in my life—makes things interesting.

One of his hands slips into my curls, and he tightens his grip, and I moan loudly. God, I love this—rough, needy, unfiltered sex.

I’m striding out the apartment door, my mind reeling from everything we did together. But more importantly…what is Theo hiding? And why does he hate the idea of me so much?

I can do this. But fuck, my lips tingle and my heart breaks a little at the sight of him. Our kiss still replays endlessly in my head—the best kiss of my life. From him. Fucking Logan Lewis of all people. It was so different from the others. So much better.

My heart sinks, because as much as I detest what a temptation he is, the thought of not seeing him does horrible things to my stomach.

Theo reaches out and links his pinkie with mine. Fuck, he’s sweet in his own way. He reminds me of a cold wild animal that snaps at you when you try to pet it, but really, it just wants you to curl up with it and keep it warm.

“Yeah?” I say, feeling kind of excited and mostly relieved. The thought of not seeing him this weekend bummed me out more than I cared to admit.

I’m wriggling my way into his heart…or under his skin, not sure which one. I don’t really care; I just want to get inside of him any way I can.

“Is it because you aren’t attracted to me?” I blurt. That’s never actually happened to me before, but with Theo, anything seems like a possibility.

Not everyone can have such a big brain with a side of giant dick.

This is, by far, the best blow job I’ve ever had. Nothing can compare. Nothing. How the hell am I supposed to walk around life like normal now, knowing that Theo and his mouth are cruising around out there? I don’t fucking know. I am ruined.

I need a moment to let what just happened fully process, and as the blissful haze clears, something niggles at the back of my mind. Shit. Was that a pity blow job?

When we pull away from each other, a small line of spit hangs from the tip of my cock to his lips. Oh shit. He’s so hot. So fucking hot.

His shining brown eyes meet mine. “You taste good, Theo.”

Ugh, I’m such a sucker for him. Can he see it, my desperation?

I can do this today. I am strong. I can keep my walls up. I’ve crafted them so carefully; one man cannot possibly knock them down.

Guilt is a barrier that keeps all the goodness out. It eats you alive while you writhe in agony.

“Nothing’s changed for you, huh?” “No. This weekend was a…distraction. Like we said it would be. It has to go back to normal now.” What the fuck is normal? I open my mouth to ask but Theo just closes the door in my face. I stand there staring at it, and I can hear him shuffling around, and then nothing. Silence.

It’s silent in this apartment except for our moans and the slick, slapping sound of me entering his body. It’s filthy and so fucking hot that I’m starting to combust.

I shouldn’t have bailed on him after letting him fuck me, but I needed to. The way he touched my face, the way he felt beneath me. That was the best sex of my life. I am never getting over this man. He is goodness personified and I am just too broken for someone like him.

I stand in the middle of my lonely apartment, waiting for him to come back inside. To take me, to take what he wants. But he doesn’t come back. And for the first time, I worry that Logan will find someone who won’t treat him like a business deal. And then he won’t come back at all.

Fuck. I don’t want to be his friend. I want to be his everything.

“I want you to have a surprise in your life that’s good, even if it’s small.”

“He’s going to think we’re together,” I say. “So?” “Logan,” I begin, but he just tugs me closer to the swing. “I couldn’t give two shits what they think. What other people think doesn’t matter. I live for me, not for anyone else.”

I don’t blame people for flocking to him. I want to flock to him. I have currently flocked. Oh my god, I’m a stage-five clinger.

I feel his hands in my hair, pulling gently on the strands and I cling to his wet sweatshirt for dear life as he tilts his face and deepens the kiss. My knees are weak and my brain is practically mush, but I know, without a doubt, this is the most romantic moment I’ve ever experienced. What is it about kissing in the rain?

He breaks our kiss, looking into my eyes. “I need you to know, I’m not like those other guys, Theo. I’m not them. You can trust me. I just want you to give me a chance and trust me. I won’t hurt you.” My eyes sting and I nod, because I know this. I know it.

“Look at how hot you are.” No man has ever said that about me, but Logan says it like he truly means it. He’s slowly stitching my heart back together with his words.

I’d gotten the tattoo a few weeks later, a reminder of the torment I’d endured and a promise to myself to never let anyone hurt me like that again.