More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Nadia Lee
Read between
November 4 - November 4, 2022
“Really? How would you feel if Amandine had spent your anniversary with an ex she almost married?” The muscles in Gavin’s cheek flexed, and his grip around the bottle tightened. “You just proved my point,” Mark said and drank his beer. Silence stretched between them. “Shit,” Gavin bit out finally. “Want some advice? Forget Catherine and the family scandal. Focus on Amandine for a while, unless you really don’t care what happens to your marriage.” “I care.”
For once, he was actually scared. He didn’t know what to do to convince Amandine to stay with him. He realized that she hadn’t been exaggerating at lunch. She truly wanted to get rid of him.
“Give it back.” “No. I plan to make a scrap-book.” “You?” “I’m sure Hilary can find somebody who’s skilled.” Amandine shook her head. “The point is that you take the time to do it. Otherwise it has no meaning.” “Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t have to do everything ourselves. We have to spend our time wisely.” “The way you spent it wisely on our anniversary?”
Except Amandine didn’t want all the millions. She wanted him. The sexy him, the generous him, the wonderful him. But she had a feeling she was losing him. He was drifting away to a better-bred, more beautiful, more sophisticated upgrade: Catherine.
“I don’t want to raise my child—” “Our child,” he corrected, his voice without inflection. “—in a cold, loveless household. You’re emotionally unavailable. Ditto for time. You’re too busy for everyone.”
“Gavin, marriages with stronger foundations than ours fail all the time. A baby isn’t enough.”
“A baby is easily a strong enough reason to give us another chance,” he finally said. “Besides, we have an incredible foundation. We’re comfortable, have a good life.” He spread his hands. “We like each other.” Like. What a convenient word.
“You’re the only woman I know who could equate an attempt at reconciliation with a declaration of war. It’s love, not war.”
She wished she had the confidence to demand more from him, somehow just…commandeer the love she deserved, but every time she started to open her mouth, she froze. Just thinking about what he might say if she asked him point-blank made her break out in a cold sweat.
“What a shamelessly poor-mannered child she is. Never grateful for what she’s been given, but always demanding more.”
“You need more than ‘no hard feelings’ for a marriage to work.”
“What would my client get out of agreeing to a reconciliation?” “Avoiding personal defeat.” Gavin leaned back in his seat and steepled his fingers. “A divorce is a failure.”
“If I have to stay with you for four months, I want everything you just offered plus I expect you to give up all parental rights to the baby if things don’t work out.” Amandine put a hand over her belly. “Since you’re so confident about the outcome, surely you can gamble that much.”
“You just raised the stakes to the point where I’d lose more than I could afford.”
He’d promised a lot to get her to stay…everything but love.
“I can’t be happy living like an accessory in your life. I want to be an integral part of a family.”
“To be wanted by the people I care about. I want them to never even consider not having me in their lives.” Not to be cast aside because he was found lacking. Because somebody else was “more.”
Making money was the only way he could be “more.”
How could Amandine doubt that he wanted their baby? Did she think he only saw it as a way to keep her with him? He didn’t have the words to express what the little life inside her meant to him. It was the most precious thing anyone had ever given him. It was a part of her binding with a part of him that would become something bigger than either. He already loved it so much his heart ached, and what he felt for Amandine made his knees weak.
Tell her. Tell her how you feel. His throat froze. Whenever he’d expressed his feelings, one way or another he’d lost the person who’d inspired them.
Better to keep the words and show her instead.
“Must be love.” Amandine could feel herself prickling with envy. She’d wanted something like that. Instead what she had was a one-sided relationship. No matter how delicious Gavin was in bed, she couldn’t help but think it wasn’t the same thing as love.
“Why do you have to divorce Gavin? He’s rich, young, and faithful to you. What more do you need to be satisfied?” “What Mom had with Dad.”
“Love is a luxury for people who can afford it, and you can’t.
“We aren’t divorcing because he’s a bad guy.” He’s not there for me, and he doesn’t love me, and I don’t know how to change that.
Love is a luxury for the rich. Horseshit. Everyone deserved a chance at love. She deserved it. Her child deserved it. She put her hands over her belly. People could always make more money. They could also lose it. But love—that lasted. And she wanted something lasting, both for her and her baby.
Let him know what you’re thinking, what you’re afraid of. He’s your husband, and it’s his job to make you happy.”
“If divorce is what she really wants, she’ll eventually get it. If not now, then later.” “Not without a fight. And I fight dirty.”
“She… She makes me calm and content. Peaceful. I want to make her as happy as she makes me.”
“The idea of losing her makes me sweaty with panic. It’s not like the kind of…distasteful bitterness I felt when Catherine chose Jacob.”
“What women say, what they do, what they think and what they actually want… Almost never the same.” “That’s why I’ve always given her what all women want.”
You didn’t marry Amandine because she was just like every other woman out there. So don’t give her what you would give every other woman out there.”
I want to be the one to make him happy. Make him smile like he has nothing to worry about.
Don’t let this destroy the rest of the day. You can salvage it. Gavin’s not the type to hold a grudge. Give him time to decompress, then apologize and you’ll be all right. But every word she said seemed to undermine their relationship and slice him, despite her best intentions. And she didn’t know how they could make their marriage work if they couldn’t talk about something as inoffensive as college without hurting each other.
“You’re okay, right?” “What else could I be?” My wife wants to leave with my baby, and I have less than three months left to convince her to stay.
“Girl, dating a string of rich guys doesn’t take any special ability. It’s called youth and beauty. And she didn’t date rich man after rich man out of some deep soul-searing love. I mean, other than for their wallets.
If Gavin really wanted to, he could utterly ruin her. She could never fight him and his twenty billion. “It’s great that your second honeymoon was nice, but you can’t spend all your time in Thailand. Time to get back to real life, and it isn’t going to be easy. But if your heart tells you that you want Gavin, don’t give up on him out of some stupid sense of inadequacy. Fight dirty. Keep him. Play to win.”
Taking somebody’s charity isn’t easy. It destroys your sense of worth.”
Peace, he realized with sudden clarity. This was peace, bone-deep satisfaction and the sense that everything was right with the world.
Was this love? The poets made it sound like it was some kind of gut-twisting, heart-ripping emotion. Gavin didn’t feel that way. What he felt was soul-calm and happy. He realized he was smiling.
He had no control over the situation, but for once didn’t care. It was as though the control freak in him had surrendered.
He wished he could tell her how he felt, but he was no poet. There weren’t words eloquent enough to express what was in his heart. So he merely said, “Thank you.” For being in my life. For giving us another chance. She snuggled closer. “My pleasure.”
“Aren’t you happy with Gavin?” “I love him so much that there are times my heart aches. But…it’s not that simple.” “I’m listening.” “He doesn’t love me. Not the way I need to be loved.”
“He loved the fact that he had a woman willing to put up with his bullshit. Telling her ‘I love you’ was a small price to pay.”
“It’s easy to tell a woman you love her, but the follow-through is tougher. You gotta provide for her, make sure she never lacks anything, that she’s happy, cared for… It’s hard, and that’s why men—well, the ones who are worth a damn, anyway—won’t make that kind of commitment lightly.”
“Because…” She grasped for a good comparison. “Art is like hot dogs.” There was a pause. “Hot dogs.” “Yes. Everyone likes the end-product, but nobody wants to know what goes into making one.”
“Why do you want to save our marriage?” “There are many reasons,” he began. “Our baby, your complicated pregnancy, my…my feelings for you.” “What are they?” He toyed with a pickle spear then finally said, “Affection. This need to care and provide for you and our child.”
Something inside her withered. She’d made a mistake by marrying him without making sure he loved her. She’d hoped love would blossom as they spent more time together, but she wasn’t sure anymore. After all these years, affection was a poor substitute for love.
If he stayed and gave her endless orgasms for their remaining time, would she change her answer?
Well, Amandine’s an adult, and she can understand how work can come first. But children won’t, and it’ll wear her out, making excuses for you to the child.”

