“Seek first to understand” involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak. They’re filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people’s lives. “Oh, I know exactly how you feel!” “I went through the very same thing. Let me tell you about my experience.” They’re constantly projecting their own home movies onto other people’s behavior. They prescribe their own glasses for
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