One way to determine which circle our concern is in is to distinguish between the have’s and the be’s. The Circle of Concern is filled with the have’s: “I’ll be happy when I have my house paid off.” “If only I had a boss who wasn’t such a dictator…” “If only I had a more patient husband…” “If I had more obedient kids…” “If I had my degree…” “If I could just have more time to myself…” The Circle of Influence is filled with the be’s—I can be more patient, be wise, be loving. It’s the character focus.
