PRINCE OF LUST

by Lucien Burr

When I spoke to my peers, my story never aligned with theirs. They described their love of God. The light. The various visions they received, or the whispering of angels urging them to do holy work, to commit themselves fully to our God above. Not me. If I was hearing anything at all, I was hearing the Devil.

Which is why I want to ruin my life, you see. I am older. I am jaded. And I no longer think God is merciful.

But where had shame gotten me?

Let Hell take me. Let my soul burn forever. Let me be disgraced in the eyes of men and God. I knew what I wanted. The only thing that remained for me to do was take it.

What was my soul worth? I had thought about it for hours. What was it worth, all of this? What was the point of Heaven if it would be eternal suffering? Not this bland Hell.

Stronger than any covenant God ever made, that feeling. Stronger than shame, too. I said it like a prayer: make me a ruin.