Take Me with You

by Catherine Ryan Hyde

People learned by what they experienced. It mattered little what anyone said to anyone.

hurt to watch children play. Despite the fact that he’d been doing so on purpose for some time.

The answer still felt like no. But he was out of logical reasons why it had to be. He wasn’t going to do it, because he didn’t want to do it. Because it felt weird. Because it disturbed the familiar patterns he needed to cling to.

But when nobody punishes you, you have to do it yourself, and there’s no release date on that. We’re always harder on ourselves than any governing body could ever get away with being.

I don’t want to judge her, but maybe at some level I judge her every day whether I want to or not. Whether I mean to or not.

It’s one thing to know the right path and another thing to take it.

But it’s funny how you can take something that turns out to be fatal and classify it as not worth fixing.

“You know you don’t have to be perfect, don’t you, Seth?” “What?” “You know you can’t be all things to all people. Right?” “I don’t know what you mean.” “No. I guess you wouldn’t.”

Only, now they knew more about his sadness and not much else. Then again, he thought, maybe that was all there really was to know about him. At least for the time being.

There’s nothing wrong with making coffee for me or walking the dog. It’s nice. But I get a feeling you’re doing it because you always feel like you need to do more. To be more. Like if you don’t make yourself useful, you’re not entitled to the air you breathe. Why not just relax and be a kid on vacation?”

“Just on the inside, though,” Seth said. “Like in my chest. Like I breathe air into my chest, and there’s more space in my lungs than before. But not my lungs really. I just feel like there’s more room inside me than there used to be.”

“Henry!” Seth screamed. “You have to get in here! August’s sad! We have to help him!” Then Seth wrapped himself around August, rising to his feet to get a better hold. August could feel the boy’s hair pressed against his face. He worked hard at holding in tears. So as not to alarm the boys. No, that was a pathetic excuse, he realized. He always worked hard at holding in tears. He would have to stop doing that. Someday. Not now. After a moment August felt Henry’s arms wrap around his chest, and the little guy’s face pressed up hard on his shoulder. “Don’t be sad, August,” the little mouse voice

Maybe the school was the problem, August thought. Maybe everybody wants a science lesson if they’re sitting in the middle of one of the greatest geothermal wonders of the world. Maybe we’ve removed all the relevance from the information we teach kids so they have no idea why they should care. Maybe it’s not the kids’ fault. Maybe we made the first mistake.

“Here,” he said. “For your hands.” Henry shook his head. “No,” he said in that little mouse voice. “It’s okay. He can stay.”

Everybody goes around missing all the best stuff because they don’t want anything bad to happen. But then when something bad wants to happen it just does. Anyway. No matter how careful you’re being.”

But I’ve seen a lot of people walk a lot of roads. Some not so happy. And it makes them what they are. So if you run around putting a pillow under people to cushion their fall . . . well, I’m just not sure it’s quite the favor we think it is.”

The truth is not exactly that you’re feeling it for the first time, even though I can understand how it might feel that way. The truth is that giving those kids back is making you feel the loss at a new level. In a new way.

Still, every one of us has something that makes him sad, August thought. And no one can save us from all of it.

“I weigh so much more than you do, though. Must be tiring.” “Like carrying a kid on your back up to Scout Lookout on Angels Landing? That kind of tiring? You did your part, August. Now it’s my turn to be tired.”

“Don’t you ever talk to August that way!” Henry shouted. “He’s August! You never talk to him like that! Never!”

Everybody is a good person and a bad person at the same time. The only real variation is in the balance.

touch. Now I wish we had. But still. It changed everything. It changed us. Whether we talked to you or not. Before we met you, we were always scared that our dad was just about to let us down. But after that summer, we knew if he dropped us you’d be there to catch us. You have no idea how much of a difference it made.”