The Secret Fiancée (The Windsors, #5)

by Catharina Maura

“I’m jealous of the way he flirts with you so openly, while your husband has to stand back and make up some sort of dumb fucking excuse to approach you.”

Adrian fucking Astor. I bite back a laugh when I realize what the fully enclosed desk is for, and why he so firmly insisted I’d thank him for it eventually. What a legend. “Are we entering offices without permission now, John?” I snap. “You have a habit of overstepping, don’t you?”

I tighten my grip on my wife’s hair to keep her still, but she doesn’t even acknowledge my attempts and latches on harder, her tongue swirling faster. Is she trying to make me come with this fucking guy standing right in front of me?

I bite down on my lip harshly when my wife pushes me over the edge, not giving a single fuck that we’re not alone in the room. She’s such a fucking brat, and she absolutely does deserve punishment.

I can’t tell what’s going on at all, but the descent put a real smile on Lex’s face, and I’d honestly go anywhere with him if it’ll make him smile like that.

The way he looks at me… it isn’t love, but it’s something that makes me hope it eventually could be.

“Mr. Windsor,” the oldest of the three men says, nodding politely. He barely spares me a glance. “We’ve prepared everything you asked for. Tom will operate the winch.” Lex nods and pulls me a little closer. “That’s wonderful. However, have you greeted my wife? I must not have heard you.”

Lex grins. “That, my sweet little fairy, is a glider. It’s an engineless plane, and you’re going to fly it.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” I ask as I take in the mechanisms. “This rope is going to be pulled back, and we’re literally going to shoot forward and pray this thing flies?”

Lex chuckles. “I just knew you’d love this as much as I do. Flying is the one thing that’s always only ever been mine, the one thing that’s always made any day better. It’s seen me through some rough periods, and I didn’t think I’d ever want to share it with someone. Yet somehow, you’ve made me want to turn it into something that could be ours. I hope you enjoy today, darling, and I’m sorry I made you wait so long for our first real date.”

“We danced in your city penthouse on our first date, drank too much wine, and played too many rounds of truth or dare. I wouldn’t trade that night for the world.” Despite the things he kept from me then, I wouldn’t have wanted our relationship to start any other way.

“Your turn, my little fairy,” he tells me once we hit the ground. “You’re going to fly us to the location of our date.” I turn back to look at him, surprised. “Wait, I thought this was the date.” This is arguably the most unique and amazing experience I’ve ever had. Surely it can’t get any better?

“Pressure,” he reminds me, and I watch as a change in pressure changes the direction of the plane, until we’re horizontal again, gliding on the airflow underneath us. “See,” he says, pride ringing through his voice. “That’s my girl, my clever wife.” “Oh my God,” I whisper, in shock. “I’m flying.” “You’re flying,” he reaffirms. “You’re doing this.”

“We’re going to a resort?” I gasp when we get a little closer. It’s beautiful — palm trees, a sandy beach, and big villas that look like they’re the epitome of luxury. “You taught me to fly so I could land in literal paradise?” “I taught you to fly because I want to share all the things I love with you. For the longest time, flying was what I loved most of all.” Loved. Past tense. “What is it that you love most now?” He falls silent. “Let’s stay steady, darling,” he tells me.

I follow his lead, the irony not lost on me. That’s exactly what he did to me. He made me fall so slowly I didn’t even realize it was happening. I just hope he keeps his words and catches me, because I see it now… I’m free falling.

On top of that, each time one of the boys in her class flirts with her, something that feels an awful lot like jealousy rushes through me, distorting my reasoning skills. More than once, I’ve caught myself behaving petty because I hated that I couldn’t publicly call her mine, like I did with John.

She shakes her head and cups my face. “Just stay here with me,” she pleads. “Look how beautiful everything is. How could you possibly walk away from all of this?” My gaze roams over her face, and I catch myself searching for a sign of insincerity. I instantly hate myself for it.

It’s a lesson I’ve learned over and over again, yet here I am, on the cusp of something I swore I’d never do again — falling headfirst.

She has no idea that she’s done what no one else has been able to do in years. She’s made me want to live again.

She rises to her tiptoes and kisses me so sweetly that my heart begins to overflow with something I don’t quite dare name — until she does it for me. Raya pulls back, her gaze roaming over my face, and then she smiles. “I love you, Lexington Windsor. You don’t have to try so hard, you know? You’re perfect for me, just as you are.”

I want to do more than try with her — I want to love her, the way she deserves.

“Only you, baby,” I whisper, needing her to believe me, when I don’t deserve her understanding.

“You’re dripping for me,” I whisper, my fingers making their way to her soaking pussy. “Tell me, Raya, is this all for me?” She looks into my eyes, her lips parted and her breathing shallow. “It’s always been for you, Lex. Always will be.”

Fuck. My heart overflows with something I’ve never felt before, and I just stare at my wife for a moment, overcome with emotions I can’t even identify. “Yeah?” I whisper, my fingers delving between her legs, until they’re coated in her wetness. “Tell me, baby. I want to hear you say it. Tell me you’re mine.”

I know right then and there that I need this image to be mine, only mine, always. “Yours,” she moans when I curl my fingers, hitting that spot deep inside her that makes her beg so prettily. “I’m yours, Lex.”

“You’re my good girl, my sweet wife, my little fairy… aren’t you, Raya?” She nods. “Your wife,” she moans. “Only yours, always yours.”

Her gaze roams over my face, her expression shifting into something that looks a lot like hope, like love. I don’t fucking deserve it, but I can’t help but relish it. My wife grabs my boxers and pushes them down, her eyes on mine as she grabs my cock, holding it firmly.

“Yours,” I whisper. “All yours, Raya.” She lines me up against her and smiles as she wraps one leg over my hip, her gaze provocative. “Then give me what’s mine, Lex. Give me all of you.” All of me… She has no idea, does she? Somewhere along the line, she took what’s left of me.

I look down, my heart wrenching. “We’re not arguing or anything. He and I… I guess we’re just not on the same page. It’s hard to explain, Dad.” Had I known how lonely it’d be to experience unrequited love for your own husband, I’d have kept my distance from the start, treated this marriage as the business deal it is. I’d rather he treats me coldly than whatever it is he’s doing now — being so kind that I can’t help but fall, when he’ll never feel the same way about me. Lying in bed with him as he whispers another woman’s name in his sleep broke my heart, and he doesn’t even realize it, doesn’t know the memory torments me.

“Sometimes love isn’t loud and obvious, Raya. Sometimes it’s in the little things, hidden behind layers and layers of exterior protection. Love isn’t always communicated verbally, but that doesn’t make it any less real.”

“Communication,” I murmur, understanding the point. Except it isn’t me who’s failing to communicate, and I can’t force Lex to open up about things he doesn’t want to tell me. Yet somehow, I can’t shake the feeling that Jill is standing between us, that she always will.

I sigh and resume working on the prototype, not exactly mad at Lex, but just feeling the distance between us more than usual. I miss him, but then again, I also miss him when he’s right there with me.

“Can we talk?” I nod, and Lex begins to pace. “I should’ve told you sooner, and I’m sorry for keeping this from you, Raya. I didn’t know how to address it, but it’s clear you need answers. Keeping things from you is just driving a wedge between us, and I don’t want to stand back and let that happen.”

“Jill was my girlfriend in college, and she’s the only woman I’ve ever dated.” My stomach tightens, and I wrap one arm around myself, trying my best to keep my jealousy from showing. It hurts to hear him say her name so softly, like she’s still ingrained in his mind.

“Jill confessed to everything in return for more lenient sentences for herself and her siblings. She’d stalked me to learn as much as she could about me the moment she realized we’d be attending college together, and then she approached me with one goal in mind: to make as much money off me as she could, along with her brothers. She wasn’t kidnapped. Jill was the one who slipped sleeping drugs into my drink the night prior, helping her brother orchestrate everything.”

I’m not in love with Jill or hung up on her — I’m fucking traumatized. Because of her, all these feelings I have for you terrify me, and darling, I don’t quite know what to do about it.”

“Raya… Lewis,” he says, grimacing like it causes him physical pain to say my maiden surname when he wants to call me Raya Windsor.

“Will you be okay?” he asks. “I know we haven’t really spoken about it much, but I’m not blind, Raya. I know you still like him.” I sigh and look away. “That would be putting it mildly,” I whisper. I’m helplessly and unconditionally in love with my husband, and it hurts. I love him so much that my heart aches at the thought of how hard he’s been trying to be a good husband to me, when it must’ve been so difficult to even let me into his life. All the while, I kept wanting more, not appreciating how much he was already giving me.

“Don’t look at me like that, little fairy,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want your pity, Raya. I only told you the truth because keeping it from you was hurting you and causing misunderstandings that I don’t want between us.”

I walk up to him and gently place my palm across his chest, his heart racing underneath. “I don’t pity you,” I tell him, my voice soft. “I just love you, Lex.” His eyes sparkle every time I say the words, and though he hasn’t said it back, I know he likes hearing it. “Yeah?” he whispers, pulling me closer.

“So much. I’m grateful you told me the truth. You’re right. Hearing you say her name in your sleep made me misunderstand, and I was jealous. I thought that someone else had your heart, when I…” “No,” he says, cupping my face. “There’s no one but you, Raya. I…” I draw a shaky breath, reading the emotions in his eyes. “You don’t have ...

He nods, his forehead dropping against mine. “I’m trying, you know? I won’t stop trying, Raya. You deserve the best of me, not just what’s left of me.”

“Raya Indira Windsor,” he whispers, pulling away. “I think you may well be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You do realize people think I’ve been cheating on my poor wife this whole time, thanks to your…” he gestures toward my hair, “ferrets.”

“I love how shy you still get, when you were begging me to let you come last night.” I glare at my husband, my face no doubt as crimson as my hair. “I had no choice,” I snap. “You made me delirious with need. You tortured me.”

Fuck. You’re my addiction, Raya. I’d live off your pussy if I could.” His gaze cuts to mine, and he raises a brow. “Do you think I could? How nutritious do you reckon your pussy is?”

And I… I just don’t know if I’m good enough to be here, and I know you’ll tell me that I am, but you’re biased, and even though you deny it, I know I’m only here because I’m your wife.” His thumb brushes over my mouth, and he sighs before leaning in to press a soft, sweet kiss to my lips. “Darling,” he whispers. “You own this company as much as I do. What’s mine is yours, Raya. No one has more right to be here than you do. Soon, once the merger goes through, there won’t be a difference between Windsor and Lewis Motors, and you’ll work with your father, just like you both always wanted

“Give me a dose of good luck,” I whisper, my lips brushing against his. “I’ll need it. I heard my boss is a right tool.” Lex bursts out laughing, and I shut him up with a kiss, loving the way he instantly unbuckles my seatbelt to pull me closer. His hand wraps into my wig, and he groans when I pull away, every bit as reluctant as he is.

“I can’t be late for work on my first day,” I tell him, pushing against his chest. His hands move to my waist, and he sends me the cutest pleading look. “Which part of ‘you own the company as much as I do’ did you not understand?” he asks, his voice soft, cajoling.

“Only Windsor family members and Silas Sinclair can get past that access barrier.” I stare at him incredulously. “So, you saw me get out of the car like some kind of weirdo and didn’t think to tell me that then?” He grins as he saunters up to me, clearly exceptionally amused with himself this morning. I’d be annoyed if this weren’t the first time in weeks that he’s seemed this lighthearted and happy. “I thought you were putting on a show for me. I never know with you, darling.”