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This one is for those of us that crave happiness with every heartbeat but don’t dare reach for it. Don’t let fear dictate your future.
“Your turn, Lex. Are you single?” I hesitate for a moment, my conscience weighing heavy on me. I hadn’t expected to speak to her just yet, hadn’t planned to spin a web of lies. “There’s no one but you, Raya.”
“They’re the ones that keep our family running. They keep us together,” he says, clear reverence in his voice. “Each and every one of those women truly have become sisters to me, and I’m not sure I could see our lives without them anymore. They saved me, and they don’t even know it.”
“That’s what my family does — we love fiercely, and there’s nothing we won’t do for those we love. I’d never let anyone hurt them.”
“Yet somehow, your eyes keep me far more captivated than the starry skies above us ever could. I’m not sure I like how easily you’ve put me under your spell.”
“You make me feel entirely out of control, Raya. I swear this isn’t what I had in mind when I asked you to leave with me. I don’t want you to think there’s only one thing I’m after, but fuck, baby, I can’t tear myself away from you.”
“My turn,” she whispers against my lips, before leaning in for another kiss. “Choose Dare, Lex.” I smile in between kisses, surprisingly happy to obey my future wife.
“I suggest you end whatever it is you started before I find out who he is.” His gaze roams over my face, lingering on my lips for a moment, before returning to my eyes. “You’re mine, Raya Lewis. You just don’t know it yet.”
“I’ll agree to that, so long as we’re clear on one thing: you’re mine as much as I’m yours, and I do not share. You can hide our marriage as much as you want, but it doesn’t make it any less real.”
“Let me make one thing abundantly clear,” he says, his tone sharp and his eyes locked with mine. “I’m engaged, and I won’t tolerate any rumors that could even remotely upset my future wife.”
“It would make me so happy if you’d give us a real chance, Lex. I’m not asking you to change, you know? I’ll take you as you are.”
“I know you think you hate him,” Grandma tells Sierra. “But he’ll love you like you deserve to be loved, Sierra. Xavier will protect you, and he’ll continue to be by your side when I’m no longer able to. I know you don’t want to marry him, but sweetheart… this is my last wish.”
“He might know how you like your coffee, but he doesn’t know what makes you moan. You’re mine, Raya. Remember that.”
“Sit down next to him with your husband’s cum soaking your panties, little fairy. Drink his coffee, smile at him, make me jealous. Do whatever you want, Raya, but do it with my cum dripping out of that beautiful pussy.”
“I have had the great honor of raising you, Raya. I was there when you were born, and I was there when you took your first steps. I walked you down the aisle, and I’ll love you until the day I die. I just… I just didn’t have the honor of bringing you into this world.” He looks away, and I watch as his eyes fall closed, his breathing uneven. “Nothing will ever change the fact that to me, you are my daughter,” he says, his voice soft, pleading. He turns to look at me then, his eyes filled with sorrow. “Nothing could ever change that, you hear me?”
“I wasn’t sure I made the right decision until a couple of days ago, when you held my daughter as she fell apart, and I realized how much you love her, how much she relies on you. I didn’t think an arranged marriage could work, but it did, and as always, your grandfather was right. He always had a penchant for being right, didn’t he? Drove your grandmother nuts.”
“No! Yes? Maybe? I…I don’t know. I just… I was just thinking that I’d have liked to honor my mother’s culture more, and I’d have wanted a bigger wedding with more people present. Then there’s that moment, you know? When you see the person you love, the one person you chose out of all other people in the whole wide world. I just… I’m sorry. It was a selfish thought. Please, forget what I said.”
“You know, if we’d been dating like two normal people, this is the exact conversation we would’ve had once we started considering marriage. The answer I’m trying to give you, very ineloquently, is yes. Yes, Raya. I want to marry you. Yes, you are the woman I see a future with, that I want to spend my life with. If our situation was different, I would still choose you.”
aching. I just thought you’d started to trust me, that you were trying to overcome the past with me. I’m hurting today, and this is just another thing that adds to my pain. I need you, and you can’t even see it.
“He doesn’t love me, Adam. If there’s one thing he’s taught me, it’s that loving someone with all you have won’t necessarily make them love you back. The love you give isn’t a precursor of the love you receive.”
“Raya, that man looks at you like you’re a miracle he’s honored to be near. He’s mesmerized by everything you do and say. You don’t see it, because you’ve never experienced the cold boss he is when you’re not around. The difference is jarring, but you bring out something in him that I’m not sure anyone else could, and you always have, from the very start.”
“The question isn’t whether he loves you, because he does. The question is whether you can live with his distrust and his need to control everything in his life, including his wife. Could you be happy li...
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“Mrs. Windsor enjoys tinkering with household equipment, and new tools make her happy, especially if they’re gold colored. Thinking about new practical but unnecessary tools for everyday life also makes her happy, like her latest idea, an aerodynamic, thermal travel mug to froth, heat, or cool her drink on the go.” Lola rolls back and forth a bit. “She also likes masala chai, chocolate and salted caramel milkshakes, coffee with honey, hot soups, dancing, singing off tune and making up song lyrics, and challenging me to races as she slides across the hallway in soft socks when you’re not home.”
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“My analysis shows that above all else, there’s one thing that makes her happy. You, Lex. Mrs. Windsor is happiest when you are added to the equation, whether that’s when she’s dancing or tinkering, having her favorite drink, or eating dinner. Those things all make her happy, but they make her extra happy when she does them with you.”
“You said: it’s obvious that things aren’t easy, but real love never is, is it? It’s messy, and it’s ugly at times, but it’s always worth it.”
“Celeste, I put a gun to my wife’s head because I thought the worst of her when she’s never given me any reason to doubt her. She accused me of punishing her for someone else’s crimes, and she’s right. That’s exactly what I did, what I’ve done from the very start. I don’t know if I have it in me to fully trust another person again, and while I love her with all I am, I’m not sure that’s enough. Raya deserves better.”
“Then be better, Lex. Never stop trying, never stop fighting. That’s what marriage is — you keep doing your best, you keep improving and growing together. There’s no end goal, you know? Marriage is all about the journey, the steps you take together to build a life unlike anything you could’ve had by yourself. That happiness you wish for her? It’s not a tangible thing. There won’t be one defining moment that you classify as happiness. It’s little moments, accumulated over time. It’s choosing each other, and knowing the person you chose to spend your life with will always fight for you, even
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him. “I won’t ever let you go, little fairy. I may not be worthy, and I may not be the person you want, but I’m yours, Raya Windsor. I’ll be yours until the day I die, and not even you can change that.”
“I won’t let you control me,” I warn him, my voice soft. “I won’t let you track my every movement; won’t let you treat me like I’m the one who betrayed you. I won’t live my life in someone else’s shadow, being punished for things I didn’t do, things I’d never do.”
“I want real love and unwavering trust. I want the kind of partnership where we have each other’s back, where we’re always the one person the other can count on. I’ve done everything in my power to earn that, and I deserve it, Lex. I deserve to be loved wholeheartedly, and I deserve a healthy amount of trust. I won’t accept anything less, and it’s clear you can’t give me that. You never even tried, never gave me a real chance. From the moment we met, you’ve curated every significant moment we’ve shared, never letting me out of your sight for more than a few hours.”
“Just think about what I said today, Lexington. I’m offering you an out — a guilt-free way to escape all the pressure I put on you to turn this marriage into something it was never meant to be, all without losing your inheritance or the merger. I’ll start doing what you’ve done all along. I’ll pretend with you.”
“Darling, I’m not going to say the words now, because I don’t want you to question them. I don’t want you to feel like I’m only saying it in an attempt to control this situation, because nothing could be further from the truth. What I will say is that I don’t need to try with you, Raya. Being with you is effortless, and it has been from the second we met. I see where you’re coming from, and I hear you.” He brushes my hair out of my face and takes a deep breath, his expression vulnerable. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I haven’t been trying as much as I thought I was, but that changes now.”
“Why did you do it?” she asks, her voice breaking. “Why did you make me fall for you, Lex? Why pretend to try with me when you never had any intention of giving our marriage a real chance?”
“Look at me,” I whisper. “Do I look like a man that’s pretending to be anything but yours? Place your hand over my chest and feel how my heart beats for you, Raya.”
“I fucking wish I could’ve controlled my feelings for you. I wish this was all pretense, that the mere thought of you no longer being mine didn’t hurt as much as it does.”
“From the moment we met, my carefully constructed life began to collapse, brick by brick. You took each discarded, useless piece of me, and you built me back up, Raya. You made me want to live again, made me want to become the person you thought I was, and fuck, if you’re willing to give me a chance, I’ll show you that I can be.”
“It may seem silly, but something like this is tough for me. I’m used to always being in control, being behind the wheel. I thought that today I’d try to concede control for once, to you. Not monitoring you isn’t enough, Raya. I truly want to be the man you deserve, so this is me taking a small step toward that, toward normalcy.”
love you, Raya. More than anything — more than flying, more than breathing. I love you with every fiber of my being, with all I am, all I’ll ever be.”
“I want this with you forever,” he whispers, grabbing my hips. “I will always be yours, Raya.” He pulls out almost all the way, only to thrust back into me, our eyes locked. “Forever and always. I will love you for as long as my heart beats, and longer still.”
“Our time is up, little fairy. You gave me four weeks to prove to you that I can be the husband you need, and I tried, baby. But with each attempt, it only became clearer that I’m not the one for you. You deserve real love — a coincidental meeting, a dinner date that doesn’t end up in the papers. You deserve a man without demons that compete with you for his attention… someone that isn’t broken.”
“What if I don’t want coincidental meetings? What if I want spilled shots and rounds of truth and dare? What if I want to wear wigs and mess with the press? What if I want to be the one you fight for, the one that stands by your side as you continue to heal and grow? What if you’re all I want, Lexington, flaws and all?”
“I love you, Lex. Every single thing about you, but especially the way you kept your word, the way you tried not just to make amends, but to change for the better, forever. You say I deserve true love, but if that isn’t true love, what is? I love you, but more importantly, I choose you — forever and always. Will you let me? Let me choose you, Lex.”
“I am not a man of many words, and for weeks, I’ve been trying to think of what I’d say to you today. It was an impossible task that left me feeling defeated, because the truth is that no words could ever be sufficient to explain how I feel about you. I can’t begin to tell you what you’ve done to me, for me. You are my sun, Raya, and everything I am, everything I’ll ever be, revolves around you. It always will. You’ve changed me, healed me, and you continue to inspire me to be a better man. There is nothing in this world I’d want more than to spend the rest of my days with you, doing
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“Raya Indira Windsor, I love you more than words will ever be able to convey. Will you make me the happiest man on this earth and marry me? Of your own accord this time?”
“You know how I told you I didn’t believe in fate when we first met?” he whispers as he applies the sindoor, marking me a married woman. “I changed my mind. Meeting you, marrying you… none of that could’ve been anything short of fate. You, Raya, are my destiny.”
“The way you looked when you said her name. You looked tormented, like only a man in love could. I knew, even then, that you’d taken a teaching position in an attempt to get to know her. The way you felt about Raya was written all over your face. Even if I hadn’t let you, you’d have found a way to make her your wife.”
