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November 24 - November 27, 2024
She was trying to protect me, just like all my other sisters-in-law did. Sierra was just a little more hands-on about it.
Fury rushes through me as I press my gun to Raya’s head. “You fucking bitch,” I whisper. “What the fuck did you do?” I snap, driving my gun into her temple hard.
“I should’ve fucking known. I never should’ve played house with you, never should’ve pretended to be a devoted husband — you’d never have gotten comfortable enough to pull this shit if I hadn’t. How fucking dare you touch my family, Raya?”
“What the fuck are you doing?” Xavier asks as Sierra runs up to Raya, dropping to the floor next to her. I blink in confusion, unable to comprehend what’s happening. Xavier pushes against my chest hard, and my back hits the closed elevator doors. “Have you lost your fucking mind? If you ever threaten your wife like that again, I’ll fucking incapacitate you.”
Fuck. What have I done? “Raya,” I murmur, and she flinches, burying her face against Sierra’s neck, taking comfort in my sister’s embrace.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m sorry, little fairy.” Raya draws her knees to her chest and shakes her head. When she lifts her face to look at me, her eyes are filled with heartbreak. I’ve never seen her look at me that way before. She’s always been the light in my life, but now her gorgeous eyes are cast in shadows, and I only have myself to blame for it. “I didn’t mean it, Raya. I just…”
“I’m not her,” she says, her voice soft. “I’m not Jill, Lexington. I don’t deserve to pay for her crimes when all I’ve ever done was love you.”
“Do you?” she asks. “Or did you just let the truth slip? I wondered, you know, if you were pretending. For months now, I’ve wondered if I was the only one falling in love, and now I have my answer.”
“Please,” Lex says. “Don’t do this. Please don’t leave me, Raya. I fucked up, little fairy. I know I did. Nothing could ever justify what I did, what I said. But I…”
“I just need some space, Lex. I have no intention of breaking the terms of our arrangement, but I need a few days to myself.” “But you’ll come back home?” he asks, his voice breaking. “Home,” I repeat, looking around the bedroom that’s never been mine as much as it’s his.
“Yeah, I’ll come back here. The terms stipulate that we have to live on the Windsor Estate, after all. I’ll be back at work next week, and your family doesn’t even need to know about this. I won’t worry your grandmother or do anything that could impact her health. I know you find this hard to believe, Lexington, but I truly love them like they’re my own.” “They are yours too,” he says, but I know he doesn’t believe it.
Lexington might have become my family, but I was never his. I probably never will be. You don’t press a gun to your family’s head before even taking a moment to think about what might be going on. He assumed the worst of me, not a single doubt in his mind, and I don’t know what to make of that. I need time to think, to process.
“He doesn’t love me, Adam. If there’s one thing he’s taught me, it’s that loving someone with all you have won’t necessarily make them love you back. The love you give isn’t a precursor of the love you receive.”
“Raya, that man looks at you like you’re a miracle he’s honored to be near. He’s mesmerized by everything you do and say. You don’t see it, because you’ve never experienced the cold boss he is when you’re not around. The difference is jarring, but you bring out something in him that I’m not sure anyone else could, and you always have, from the very start.”
“The question isn’t whether he loves you, because he does. The question is whether you can live with his distrust and his need to control everything in his life, including his wife. Could you be happy li...
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“Lola?” I repeat. Its little head bobs. “That would be me, Lex. Mrs. Windsor has graciously bestowed that lovely name upon me, and I have decided that I quite like it. I will answer only to Lola going forward.”
Its face changes into an excited emoji. “I could have Mrs. Windsor’s name written on my heart? I quite like that idea. That would make her smile, would it not?”
“Mrs. Windsor enjoys tinkering with household equipment, and new tools make her happy, especially if they’re gold colored. Thinking about new practical but unnecessary tools for everyday life also makes her happy, like her latest idea, an aerodynamic, thermal travel mug to froth, heat, or cool her drink on the go.”
“She also likes masala chai, chocolate and salted caramel milkshakes, coffee with honey, hot soups, dancing, singing off tune and making up song lyrics, and challenging me to races as she slides across the hallway in soft socks when you’re not home.”
She’s so fucking precious, and I miss her so fucking much. What t...
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“My analysis shows that above all else, there’s one thing that makes her happy. You, Lex. Mrs. Windsor is happiest when you are added to the equation, whether that’s when she’s dancing or tinkering, having her favorite drink, or eating dinner. Those things all make...
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“I don’t know how to make this right. I don’t know if I can be the man she deserves.” “You are.” My head snaps up when I find Celeste standing in the doorway of my kitchen.
“Is she worth it?” I nod. “She’s worth everything. She is everything.”
“Then be brave for her, Lex. Facing the past is tough, but it isn’t as tough as facing the mistakes you made and the pain you caused as a result of it.”
“Celeste, I put a gun to my wife’s head because I thought the worst of her when she’s never given me any reason to doubt her. She accused me of punishing her for someone else’s crimes, and she’s right. That’s exactly what I did, what I’ve done from the very start. I don’t know if I have it in me to fully trust another person again,...
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“Then be better, Lex. Never stop trying, never stop fighting. That’s what marriage is — you keep doing your best, you keep improving and growing together. There’s no end goal, you know? Marriage is all about the journey, the steps you take together to build a life unlike anything you could’ve had by yourself. That happiness you wish for her? It’s not a tangible thing. There won’t be one defining moment that you classify as happiness. It’s little moments, accumulated over time. It’s choosing each other, and knowing the person you chose to spend your life with will always fight for you, even
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“I don’t think I want to live in a world where Raya isn’t mine, but I can’t subject her to the darkness that lives inside me. I want to be the ma...
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“I missed you so fucking much.”
“Please sign them,” I tell him, my voice steady, devoid of emotion. “We’ll file as soon as our three years are up.”
“Over my dead body, Raya.”
“I won’t ever let you go, little fairy. I may not be worthy, and I may not be the person you want, but I’m yours, Raya Windsor. I’ll be yours until the day I die, and not even you can change that.”
“I won’t let you control me,” I warn him, my voice soft. “I won’t let you track my every movement; won’t let you treat me like I’m the one who betrayed you. I won’t live my life in someone else’s shadow, being punished for things I didn’t do, things I’d never do.”
“I want real love and unwavering trust. I want the kind of partnership where we have each other’s back, where we’re always the one person the other can count on. I’ve done everything in my power to earn that, and I deserve it, Lex. I deserve to be loved wholeheartedly, and I deserve a healthy amount of trust. I won’t accept anything less, and it’s clear you can’t give me that. You never even tried, never gave me a real chance. From the moment we met, you’ve curated every significant moment we’ve shared, never letting me out of your sight for more than a few hours.”
“When we first discussed our engagement, I told you that once our three years were up, you’d have to let me go so I could find the kind of love you could never give me. You told me you...
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“I’m not what you want, Lex, and you can’t be what I need.”
“The day we met, you told me you had no interest in love or relationships, and I just didn’t listen. Or maybe I did, and I just thought I’d be your exception… but look at us now. You never wanted this with me, and I should’ve accepted that then. It would’ve saved us both a lot of pain.”
“Just think about what I said today, Lexington. I’m offering you an out — a guilt-free way to escape all the pressure I put on you to turn this marriage into something it was never meant to be, all without losing your inheritance or the merger. I’...
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“Darling, I’m not going to say the words now, because I don’t want you to question them. I don’t want you to feel like I’m only saying it in an attempt to control this situation, because nothing could be further from the truth. What I will say is that I don’t need to try with you, Raya. Being with you is effortless, and...
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“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I haven’t been trying as much as I thought I was,...
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“I’ll leave work with you at the end of the week,” I say, my voice soft. “We’ll go to my parents together as usual. Regardless of what’s going on between us, I don’t want to worry anyone else, least of all our families. After that, I’ll move back home, and we’ll figure out how to get through the remainder of our marriage.
In the meantime, think about what I said. I’m willing to accept everything I wasn’t willing to consider when we got engaged, Lex. I’m done.”
Ask me if I miss you, I silently plead. Ask me if I love you, Raya.
“You told me you were sorry, Lex. There’s only one apology I’m willing to accept: changed behavior. If you can’t change, if you won’t change, you need to sign the papers.”
Bob leans against the car and smiles. “Lexington, you’re walking around looking like a sad puppy. It’s hard not to notice.”
“Marriage isn’t a box you get to check. Your status as my daughter’s husband is something you have to earn, every single day. It isn’t a position you can take for granted, Lexington.”
“I miss you,” I whisper, even though she’s right here with me.
“I hate how much I still want you,” she whispers
“I hate what you’ve done to me, Lexington. I hate that I let you.”
I bite down on my lip harshly as she straddles me, her silky nightgown riding up and settling around her waist.
“Keep them there,” she orders. “You don’t get to touch me unless I tell you to, Lexington. Not anymore.”
