Undulate (Alchemy, #2)

by Elodie Hart

‘I’m not your girlfriend.’ ‘I said secret girlfriend,’ I remind her. ‘But all we’re doing is fucking.’ She bites down on her lip, and I wait. ‘I mean—we talk, and stuff,’ she continues. ‘But I thought this was just physical.’ ‘If it feels purely physical to you, that’s okay,’ I say carefully. ‘It’s not for me. Not now.’

She sighs. ‘God, Zach.’ Again, I wait. ‘It’s not just physical,’

That’s my girl. ‘No,’ I say quietly. ‘It’s not.’

‘I didn’t think you wanted a girlfriend,’ she says. ‘I didn’t think so, either,’ I tell her. ‘And then I started spending time with you.’

Her entire face lights up. ‘I didn’t want to let you ...

‘I didn’t want...

‘I felt so shit as soon as I turned ...

lock. My flat’s so dark and empty. But how woul...

‘If I was there,’ I whisper, ‘I’d curl in behind you as tightly as I could, and I’d wrap you in my arms and suffocate in your hair while you fell asleep using my bicep as a pillow.’ ‘I’d like that,’

‘I need to spend a night with you.’

said I’m supposed to be sowing my wild oats. Not that I want to.’

‘Do you want to? It’s a straightforward yes or no, Mads. We’ve had some fun at the club, and you’ve opened my eyes to some new stuff, for which I’m grateful. But if you’re to be my girlfriend, we’re monogamous. I don’t want another guy laying a finger on

you. I don’t want anyone even looking at...

‘I don’t want to be with anyone else. I just want you.’

‘You sure, sweetheart? Because you need to be sure I’m enough for you. You’re a hell of a lot more adventurous than I am. If you need that lifestyle, then I understand. You shouldn’t make any sacrifices for

me that aren’t worth it. I need to know being with me alon...

‘You’re more than enough for me,’ I manage. ‘You’re everything. I don’t want any other men—I don’t even want to think about it, to be honest.’

‘Then we’re

good. That’s the only thing I was worried about, that you’d get bored with me.’ He pauses. ‘That I wouldn’t be able to make you happy.’

But lately, I feel more found than lost.’

All I know is that I’m utterly besotted with Madeleine Weir, and whatever it looks like, I want her close. I want it to be official.

He’s officially the sweetest, swooniest man in the world. Thank fuck he sees something in me that makes him happy, because he makes me feel revoltingly ecstatic and safe.

‘I love you,’ he says, his voice almost breaking with emotion on the word love, before crashing his lips against mine.

I am loved. This man loves me.

Zach loves me.

Oh Jesus fuck, I love him so much. I, like, adore him. I hero-worship him.

‘I love you so much.’ My entire face contorts, and I burst out crying again as I collapse on his shoulder.

‘Did you mean that?’ he asks. ‘Because you don’t need to say it back.’

‘That’s why I was crying. Because, you know, you said it, and then I was like, oh my God, he loves me, and then I was like fucking hell, I love him too, and woah woah woah, that’s why I’ve been feeling so shitty and insecure.’

‘Fucking hell, sweetheart, I am so fucking sorry. I would never have invited her if I’d thought she’d in any way disrespect you like that—it’s unforgivable.’ ‘I think she has her eye on you,’

‘Like, I can’t tell if she even fancies you, but she definitely wants to get her hands on the girls’ upbringing. There was a lot of talk about the Eleven Plus. And speech therapists?’

‘Repeat after me, Madeleine. It will last between us.’

‘I told her I had not one but two trust funds and that I wasn’t interested in your big, fat bank balance but only in your big, fat, cock.’

‘You little fucking beauty. Oh my God.’

‘I can’t believe you said that. What did she say—fuck, I’d have killed to see that.’

‘I don’t know. I sashayed off like a queen and left her mouthing like a fish out of water,’

As if Zach French and his broken, beautiful little family wouldn’t be the epitome of a bright future for any woman lucky enough to win their love.

It’s not out of any reticence on my part. I’m all in.’

She’s mine.

Fucking hell, Claire, I ask the sky silently as we wait. Did you see this coming? Because I didn’t. I did not see myself with this beautiful young woman. I barely saw myself having the strength to parent after we lost you. I had no fucking clue how half a man would do a job meant for the two of us.

She makes me so happy, darling, I tell her. I have no idea how it’ll all pan out. Whether we’ll

be enough for her. But it feels like she’s come into our lives at exactly the right time, and I want her to stay. I really fucking want her to stay so badly. Do you like her? Or would you be like the other mums here? Judging me for taking up with someone her age? Forecasting our breakup before we’ve even given this thing a proper go? Would you think I was a sad, lonely man running after a beautiful, flighty creature instead of focusing on our kids?

Or would you give us the benefit of the doubt? Would you be generous en...

My eyes are stinging. I think you would, darling. I really fuck...

See, darling? I beseech the sky silently. I think this will be good for us. I just wish you could tell us we have your blessing. I need your blessing so badly. And then it starts.

In perfect harmony. The song they’re singing? I Want it That Way.

Claire’s favourite song.

If I’m right, my late wife has just commandeered an entire children’s choir to give her husband and his new girlfriend her blessing.

While being brought to orgasm by a hot, competent man is pretty fucking amazing, being brought to orgasm by a hot, competent man you’re hopelessly in love with, and who seems to be hopelessly in love with you, is a high like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

‘We’re only getting started. I swear to God I’m going to find a way to get you to utter that immortal word in this bed one day.’