Call It What You Want

by Alissa DeRogatis

I think the worst part was realizing that somewhere deep down, I knew it the entire time. I knew he wouldn’t be able to get where I wanted him to. I just hoped that I was wrong.

No, we never dated. He’s not an ex-boyfriend. He’s an ex-almost. Maybe that’s all we’d ever be—an incomplete sentence or a book that someone put down halfway through and never picked back up, finished without an ending.

Life got so much better when I stopped looking for love in every guy I met.

You can’t love someone into changing—you shouldn’t have to. I knew that. So why didn’t I believe it?

I didn’t care that I was settling for a fraction of a relationship with him when I knew I deserved so much more. I was willing to settle for whatever he would give me, because a fraction of him was better than nothing at all.

“Come on. Do you hear yourself? A relationship isn’t supposed to be this hard. Sure, every couple has arguments and makes compromises but the lead-up shouldn’t be this long. He should know what he wants, and if he doesn’t, maybe that should be a sign that it’s not you.”

you need to stop losing your mind over someone who doesn’t mind losing you.”

I’ll never regret him.

“Some love stories aren’t epic novels. Some are short stories, but that doesn’t make them any less filled with love,”

You can’t beg someone to love you, as much as I wish you can, you can’t. You shouldn’t have to convince someone that you’re good enough or you’re worth it. That’s something I’m still learning.

I don’t want calls that go unanswered or texts that are never read. I don’t want to spend holidays, or any day, begging someone to choose me. I deserve someone who chooses me without question. Someone who loves me without doubt. I want someone who shows up,

I mourned the idea of him that I created. I mourned the future I built in my head using our best moments. I mourned the potential I saw in him, and the life that I saw for us.

the only person we really have at the end of the day is ourselves. You’re the one that gets yourself out of bed every morning and tucks yourself in every night. You’re the one that picks yourself up off of the bathroom floor after a few too many. You should always love that person more than someone who broke your heart.

Unconditional love is someone breaking down the cage of your ribs to get your heart and you trusting they’ll protect it just the same.