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“When the leaves change color, do you call it magic? What about when you cut your hand and it heals? And when you put a pot of water on the stove and it boils, is it magic then?”
“I already feel like I don’t belong here. I think it might be easier if I weren’t … singled out.” “Are you so anxious to be like everyone else?”
“It’s funny,” I said after a while. “I always thought that being beautiful would make life so much easier.”
“I’ve been waiting for you a long time, Alina,” he said. “You and I are going to change the world.”
What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being a mapmaker.” “Of course not. And there’s nothing wrong with being a lizard either. Unless you were born to be a hawk.”
“Silly girl,” she said, looping her arm through mine. “There’s no such thing as too much champagne. Though your head will try to tell you otherwise tomorrow.”
“No, Alina. I told you that you were my answer. And you are.” “But after what happened by the lake …” I blushed furiously and hurried to clarify. “I mean, you said I wasn’t strong enough.” The Darkling’s mouth quirked in the suggestion of a grin but his eyes were serious. “Did you really think I was done with you?”
I drew back, startled. “You don’t want to be doing this.” “This is the only thing I want to be doing,”
“The problem with wanting,” he whispered, his mouth trailing along my jaw until it hovered over my lips, “is that it makes us weak.”
“Fine,” he said with a weary shrug. “Make me your villain.”
Again, the Darkling shook his head. “You two make it so easy. I prick him, you bleed.” “And you can’t begin to understand that, can you?”
“I’ll be certain you hear it when I make her scream.”
Fight, I pleaded silently. Once he has you, he’ll never let you go.
Mal crossed his arms and considered the privateer. “I can’t decide if you’re crazy or stupid.” “I have so many good qualities,” Sturmhond said. “It can be hard to choose.”
“Do you take anything seriously?” “Not if I can help it. Makes life so tedious.”
“My mother was an oyster,” he said with a wink. “And I’m the pearl.”
“You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list.”
The less you say, the more weight your words will carry. Don’t argue. Never deign to deny. Meet insults with laughter. “You didn’t laugh at the Fjerdan captain,” I observed. “That wasn’t an insult. It was a challenge,” he said. “Know the difference.” Weakness is a guise. Wear it when they need to know you’re human, but never when you feel it.
Don’t wish for bricks when you can build from stone. Use whatever or whoever is in front of you.
Being a leader means someone is always watching you. Get them to follow the little orders, and they’ll follow the big ones. It’s okay to flout ...
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“Oh, and the easiest way to make someone furious is to tell her to calm down.”
“You’re never going to survive at court if you don’t learn to hide what you’re thinking a bit better. You look like you just sat in a bowl of cold porridge. Close your mouth.”
No matter what I said, we both knew the hard truth. We do our best. We try. And usually, it makes no difference at all.
“It’s for the best, Alina.” I laughed bitterly. “Have you ever noticed people only say that when it isn’t true?”
“You know the problem with heroes and saints, Nikolai?” I asked as I closed the book’s cover and headed for the door. “They always end up dead.”
“I save my faith for Saints,” he said evenly. “Not men who send children to die.”
They will fight for you because to them you are salvation. They will starve for you, lay down their lives and their children’s lives for you. They will make war without fear and die rejoicing. There is no greater power than faith, and there will be no greater army than one driven by it.”
“Saints, Alina. I hope you weren’t looking to me to be the voice of reason. I keep to a strict diet of ill-advised enthusiasm and heartfelt regret.”
“I … I don’t understand half of what goes on around me. I don’t get jokes or sunsets or poetry, but I know metal.” His fingers flexed unconsciously as if he were physically grasping for words. “Beauty was your armor. Fragile stuff, all show. But what’s inside you? That’s steel. It’s brave and unbreakable. And it doesn’t need fixing.”
“Na razrusha’ya. E’ya razrushost.” I am not ruined. I am ruination.
“I wasn’t afraid of you, Alina. I was afraid of losing you. The girl you were becoming didn’t need me anymore, but she’s who you were always meant to be.”
“It’s a promise to be better than I was,” he said. “It’s a vow that if I can’t be anything else to you, at least I can be a weapon in your hand.” He shrugged. “And I guess it’s a reminder that wanting and deserving aren’t the same thing.”
He laughed then. “I know I’m supposed to say something noble—I want a united Ravka free from the Fold. I want the Darkling in the ground, where he can never hurt you or anyone else again.” He gave a rueful shake of his head. “But I guess I’m the same selfish ass I’ve always been. For all my talk of vows and honor, what I really want is to put you up against that wall and kiss you until you forget you ever knew another man’s name. So tell me to go, Alina. Because I can’t give you a title or an army or any of the things you need.”
“Suffering is cheap as clay and twice as common. What matters is what each man makes of it. Now,” she said with a rap of her stick, “lessons.”
“Understatement is overrated,” I said on a shaky breath. “I love it when you quote me.”
“And if he doesn’t?” Nikolai shrugged. “We put on our best clothes and die like heroes.”
“I never wanted him to feel the way I had as a child,” said Baghra. “So I taught him that he had no equal, that he was destined to bow to no man. I wanted him to be hard, to be strong. I taught him the lesson my mother and father taught me: to rely on no one. That love—fragile and fickle and raw—was nothing compared to power. He was a brilliant boy. He learned too well.”
I stopped short. If I was related to Morozova, that meant I was related to the Darkling. And that meant I’d almost … the thought made my skin crawl. No matter how many years and generations might have passed, I still felt like I needed a scalding bath.
There was no point to hiding my tearstained face so I just said, “Turned out I needed a good cry.” I braced myself for an insult, but all she said was, “Next time invite me. I could use one too.”
Fear came with it. Keeping them close was a luxury I would pay for. Now I had more to lose.
“Maybe you’re hungry,” said Zoya. “I always get mean when I’m hungry.” “Are you hungry all the time?”
“You can keep your damn scenery. All I want is a warm bed and a glass of wine.”
Tolya frowned. “This is a holy place.” “Great,” she retorted sourly. “See if you can pray me up a dry pair of socks.”
It was stupid. It was dangerous. But Ana Kuya used to tell me that hope was tricky like water. Somehow it always found a way in.
“Maybe,” objected Zoya. “But I’ve never seen anything like it. If he gets any more charming, men and women may start lying down in the street for the privilege of being stepped on by the new Ravkan King. However did you resist him?”
“I did tell Ana Kuya I would marry you.” I laughed. “You remember that?” “Alina,” he said and kissed the scar on my palm, “I remember everything.”
