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and I'm going fucking crazy without seeing her.
I thought I understood love. I've loved hard. I've loved to the point of blinding pain. And I love my brothers. But the day my stunning, gentle sister-in-law walked into our house with a bundle of pink blankets in her arms and a baby tucked protectively inside, I loved harder still.
Kelly... the third great love of my life.
He has eyes like the sea, blues and greens shifting and sparkling as though his irises are adorned with their own mood gems. Strong chocolate-brown brows cut straight above thick black lashes.
Then a slow cocky-arse smile slides across his lips, and he mouths, “I love you.”
We got to stop meeting like this, nutcase.
I can’t tear my eyes away from his because there is this little freckle within his left iris that is neon emerald. And it means he’s on a knife’s edge of some emotion too powerful for him to handle. I used to call his eyes, ‘his mood rings’.
“Where are you taking me so I can talk to you like that? And I’m not a cheap date. I want romance, baby. Or I’m not putting out.”
catching her eyes in mine, wanting to study all the different colours of orange and amber in them. A flame. I see embers and sparks and she’s just... fuck. Beautiful.
I know that a man needs to be present. I know this to the depths of my marrow.
After years of searching for her. She’s here, saving my life again.
“You move like magnets. When you are together, it’s like—" Her eyes dart around, searching for words. “Like, no one else in the world exists to you. It’s dangerous and unnatural.”
I hear that distant, high-pitched laughter again. The same laughter I always hear when I’m about to lose my mind.
I feel a hand on mine, but don’t look down, already aware she is taking the fork from me and placing it in her scrub pocket. How she knew... Of course she did.
I love touching this face. Staring at it. She is mine. She was mine the moment I saw her five months ago. She’ll be mine ‘til the day I die. But I’ll be hers for even longer. Fuck, I’m a romantic dipshit.
Me. For not being in that house to protect them. I hear laughter See black.
His mood gem irises are now two thin glowing turquoise rings around large pitch-black holes, making him look menacing.
Maybe it’s having Bronson close that reminds me how love can make your heart skip and fly and scream with bliss.
He didn’t leave...
“You’ll like sensory deprivation. You can hide in the darkness of my making. Relying on all your other senses. All the feelings I offer you because you deserve them. Because you’re such a good girl. So grown up. So strong. So beautiful.” He slides his hand away from my mouth slightly, allowing me to speak. “Have you been told that lately, baby?”
He tightens his grip around my mouth. His tone seems to have deepened as he whispers, “Each time you let him touch your skin, your hair.” He cups me between the legs, and I press myself shamelessly against his palm. “This pussy, you have cheated on me. He owes me a debt, baby. As do you.”
“What do you let him do to this body? My body? Do you let him run his tongue over it?”
We were so beautiful together. So intense. He knew my body. Knew when I wanted him.
Sadness seeps through me. I breathe in fast. Out. In. “I’ll cook dinner for you every damn night. We’ll never eat in front of the TV. We’ll sit at the table and talk about our day.”
So much love and loyalty for his family. But I was his fucking family! We were family!
I open my eyes, peering up through lashes beaded with tears. “You still loved me?”
His eyes are pools of pain masked by cool detachment. “Did you think I’d just stop?”
“Yes,” he says, lifting my chin with his finger. “I still love you. I never stopped. Not for a second.”
I don’t know where the time went or how I learnt to breathe without him, but I can’t start over again. Can’t go through that perpetual grief. That loss. This is goodbye. It has to be.
He catches my tears on his thumb and licks them from his finger. “Mine. Every part of you, baby.”
“I’m going to claim every part of this body. Remind you who you belong to.”
I was looking, Max. I’ll keep looking after you.
She shone hope on my existence. I liked being someone else with her. How I became more... But without her, I don’t want to be more. Without her, I have a place. Beside them. Protecting them. Making their lives better.
“I know you’re a lioness. I think he may have caged you. I don’t want to cage you... I want my wild girl back. But I really want to spend tonight making my lioness purr. Making her remember.”
“You. Are. Mine. Even your breath. Mine. Say. It.”
My world spins as I whimper, “I’m. Yours.”
“So why does he have our Anubis on his torso?” my inner Akila asks. “It’s larger than his Butcher bird tattoo. Larger than the word Butcher on his neck.”
At the sound of a gun shots, I barrel around to protect her. One thing on my mind. One objective.
I’ve been keeping an eye on her for you. It is a good thing, se.
“We made a life. And he won’t be angry or sad or broken.”
My baby and our baby nestle deeper into me. “What about me? Aren’t I a good thing?”
“You’re the best,” I state. “But this means I get to keep you forever. And him. And more babies. So many babies.”
“It’s all good anyway. I got this, baby. I’m going to take care of you. I actually got what I wanted, and I’m never fucking letting you or him go.”
“My brother breathes for you.”