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“I want you to know. I’m not with Jimmy... I’m against him.”
You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again.”
“You’re not alone. Neither of you. I’m going to take care of you. You just have to fucking let me.”
“You are perfect. My perfect Shoshanna.
“Stay with me,”
“Stay with me. I’ll do anything, everything for you. I’ll do whatever you ask.”
“I’ll take care of everything. You just need to trust me.”
“Will you come for a ride with me? Clear the shit out of your head?”
“If I cleared all the shit out, I’m not sure what...
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“Don’t clear it then, baby. Just organise it... Come on, I have something I want to show you.”
“It was right there, baby. Our palace.”
“I care about a lot of them. But you’re my girl.”
“You said you wanted me to stay with you.”
“Did you mean—"
“I meant ...
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“Be with me. Bring Akila home. I’ll take care of both of you like...
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“I think I should take care of myself from now on.”
“Fine.”
“Take care of ...
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“I need looking after, baby.”
“Ever think of that?”
“That maybe...maybe I needed you much more than you...
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“I’m scared.”
“Me too.”
“Do you think we can just pick up where...
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“Just... I don’t know. Mov...
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“We can...
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“I love you, Shoshanna. I love you.
“He can still have siblings. A bit of you. A bit of me. We’ll give him siblings.”
“I’m so sorry,”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, baby. I’m sorry you went through that alone. I’m sorry you thought I blamed you. All these years. I didn’t blame you.”
“Welcome home, Shoshanna.”
“Daddy loves you. Daddy won’t forget you.”
“Are you okay? Have you checked for other issues?”
“So, are you saying you want to have kids with me?”
“Yes. I’m just not sure that—"
“We’ll try everything. I’ll be fucking you until you can’t breathe, baby. And then we can try IVF or fuck... you want to have a baby with me! We’re going to give him a sibling. A bit of you. A bit of me. So close to him in every way.”
“We’re going to try,”
“They have him.”
The gun’s nose touches my forehead, and I push against it, wishing I had more time with my baby, dreaming about an alternative reality where I never walked away from her that day in the park but instead, held her, kissed her, told her I was there. Swore my devotion to her. With or without our son. Gave her my heart. My time. My everything. Lived for her. Watched her become a doctor or not. It wouldn’t matter. Just watched her become something that made her happy. Then, when she was ready, we would have another boy. I would be so proud to be his dad because he’d be a hell of a lot smarter than
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“I do need you, baby. But not just now, always. You’re it. You’re my peace. My quiet place.”
“And you’re my life,”
“I’m bones, blood, muscles, and movement, but nothing else, nutcase. With you though, I’m loved and loving and aware and awake. And I can be, me. Crazy. A bitch. An angel. Me.”
“I love you.”
On my other side, our son sleeps in his baby seat.
