Redeemed (Dirty Air, #4)

by Lauren Asher

One word hits me like a battering ram to my skull. Amputation. Amputation. Amputation?

It takes one second for my world to crumble around me. One second to realize my life has ended before it ever truly began. One second to wish I could take it all back.

My pride. My manhood. My dignity. All of it robbed after one mistake. One devastating, career-ending mistake. Fuck that. Life-ending. One life-ending mistake.

I wish to find someone who appreciates my presence instead of destroying it.

“You’re not being fair to yourself.” “Life isn’t fair. Just because we’ve protected you from that lesson doesn’t mean the rest of us survive unscathed.”

I’m not ashamed of my leg. I’m ashamed of my life.

A flicker of hope fills me. It’s microscopic, yet strong enough to overwhelm me. Chloe the criminal has devastation written all over her, and I need her to run in the opposite direction. Because now that I’ve been around her, I don’t know who’s more dangerous—her or me.

The perfect idea of him was shattered in the best way. It made him more down-to-earth. Because while he looks handsome, he’s still a human with flaws. It has me interested in learning more about his story, even if he is ashamed of his leg.

This is how we get in trouble, Chloe. Resist the man with a damaged past and a heart to match.

I take advantage of his silence. “Next time you think I looked at you with disgust, remember that kiss. I’m not a unicorn because I’d much rather be a dragon in the story. They’re more badass anyway.”

“I’m seeing a trend here. Do you like wildflowers?” “There’s something beautiful about chaos.” “They remind me of you.” The words escape my mouth before I can stop them. Where the fuck did that come from? Her cheeks flush. “Some people would be offended about being compared to a bunch of weeds.” “I have a feeling you don’t fall in the same category as those people.” “Why?” A hint of a smile crosses her lips. “Because those who see beauty in chaos also see flowers instead of weeds, and that’s a gift in a world like ours.”

“No. Iron Man is special because he owns who he is, no matter what people think of him. He is unapologetic and people are drawn to him like a magnet. Personally, I don’t care if it takes you a minute or an hour to get up. All that matters is that you do.”

“I don’t care about something like a prosthetic leg, but you refuse to accept it. Your injury doesn’t define you. Your decisions do.”

Here I am getting angry at Santiago when I’m just as much of a liar. A stupid, cowardly liar who can’t face the one obstacle getting in the way of what I want. But I have a good reason to lie. I’m afraid of being rejected by another parent.

Sorry, Santiago Alatorre. He might be the King of Lies, but I’m the Ace of Spades. And that only means one thing for him. Game over.

“Because you didn’t look at me like I was that guy. You treat me like the man I am now, rather than the one I once was. And that was something special to me that I wanted to hold on to for a bit longer. My reasoning was purely selfish, but I didn’t mean to hurt you. I came here today to admit the truth to you because I couldn’t stand lying to you anymore about it. Because you value honesty, and I value the way you act around me.” The words pour out of me, raw and earnest.

“Because I don’t like showing any kind of weakness. Especially to my family.” Chloe frowns. “It’s not a weakness to need something like that. Iron Man would agree.” She nods her head towards Marko.

“Why do you even want my trust anyway? That’s not a requirement of fake dating.” “Because some people in life are worth the extra effort.”

She revives a part of me I’ve neglected over the years, pushing me to be a better version of myself. Chloe Carter has me hooked, and I can’t exactly say I’m sorry about it.

“You have two choices. You can go out there and show them what they’re missing out on, or you can hide in here and I’ll tell them to go.”

“Why would we do that?” “Because I’d rather see you smile than cry.”

“If you knew the old me, you’d take back that statement. I don’t like losing.” Her eyes soften. “I don’t need to know the old you.” “And why is that?” My thumb moves toward her cheek, stroking the soft skin. None of this is fake now. Her reaction, my interest, the way both our bodies respond to each other’s touch. It’s all so fucking real, I can practically taste the attraction between us both. “Because I find this version of you intoxicating enough.” Her eyes flutter shut as she leans into my touch.

I’m not the kind to harbor grudges because life’s too short to spend it angry at people who genuinely care.

“I wanted someone to appreciate my presence rather than destroy it.” I frown, hating how she needs to wish for something like that in the first place. “Why did you wish for that?” “That’s a story for another day.” Fuck another day. I want the story now. “Come on.” “Nope.” “Fine for now. But how do you know the wish came true?” “Because I met you.”

“Why are you sharing this with me?” That’s the best you can come up with? The girl is basically telling you she likes you, and you’re fucking it up. I’m an idiot. That’s the damn truth. She laughs again, her smile banishing my thoughts. “I wanted to share the one thing that makes me vulnerable.” “Why?” “Because we all have weaknesses, Santiago. You believe yours is how you’re missing a leg, and I think mine is my crippling loneliness and preference for wishing instead of doing. I make wishes to combat the emptiness I feel from all the disappointments in my life. Wishes are the closest thing I have to magic.”

She describes her loneliness as a weakness, but I only see it as a strength. While people like me shrivel away in the shadows, people like her create their own light. She’s like the moon who shines bright despite the never-ending darkness. And she makes me want to wish that daylight never comes again.

“‘Fine’ is code for I’m not fine and if you ignore it, I’ll tell you just how not fine I am a few hours from now and you’ll wish you had asked more from the get-go.”

“Why do you do that?” “Do what?” “Make everything seem like it’s okay?” I shrug. “Because it is. I can’t do anything to change the past, so why continue to let it bother me?”

A realization hits me. I’m becoming reliant on a woman who has every opportunity to walk away. And damn, I want her to stay, even if it’s for a little while longer.

It hits me that playing guitar isn’t the only music that feeds my soul anymore. Chloe’s laughs are the sweetest melody, a harmony of sounds that can’t be recreated by any strings or notes. They fill me with a warmth, banishing the darkness that grew and festered over the years after my accident.

“Oh my fucking God, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done!” Chloe cries out. “Oh, Chloe. If this is the stupidest, you’re clearly not living.” I look over at her, smiling at her.

“You shouldn’t have doubted me.” “I never did.” “Then why make a bet in the first place?” “Because how can you focus on being anxious if you’re too focused on winning something you want?” My gaze darkens as I focus on her lips. “I won more than a race today.” She winks. “And don’t you forget it.” If I didn’t already know I liked this girl, today would’ve sealed the deal.

Let someone else take care of you for once. Something about his simple words makes my chest tighten. I

And my starved heart will suck up any kind of love it can get, even if it’s poison.

“Well, I can’t turn back the clock, and I don’t want to.” The last thing I want to do is relive those years of my life. “You’re right. For the first time in a long time, I don’t want to turn back the clock, either.” He looks up from his hands, hitting me with a stare filled with mixed emotions. “Why?” “Because you make me want to live in the present rather than kill myself by focusing on the past.”

I refuse to leave Italy without helping Santiago return to his former glory. Whether it’s racing or living a life out of the shadows, I want to help him. And nothing can stop me from accomplishing what I put my mind to. Not even a grumpy, six-foot-something male who seeks to be invisible when he’s meant to shine.

She makes me want to wish for love, and that’s the most dangerous thing for someone like me. Not because I don’t want it, but because I desire it to the point where I’m willing to do anything to make it happen. Absolutely anything. Sacrifices be damned.

“It’s all right. There’s no reason to get upset. It’s in the past.” “Is it? How can anyone move past that?” “Because then I’d lose sight of what’s important.” By this point, I’m sure Chloe can hear my heart pounding wildly in my chest. “And what’s that?” “Life is about creating the memories that matter, while forgetting the ones that don’t.”

I want to experience the world through Chloe’s eyes because it’s like seeing color for the first time. It’s breathtaking and spectacular, fundamentally shifting life as I know it. She’s my kaleidoscope in a world of gray.

“You can’t be serious. You’re willing to let the world see you as the gutter rat you are?” “Sure. Maybe other little girls like me can also wish to escape monsters like you.”

“Chloe, you better listen to me—” I cut her off. “No, Anne, you better listen to me. I’m moving on with my life. You’re nothing but a past memory that I have no interest in reliving ever again. I hope you live a happy life, and good luck with Ralph. You’re going to need it because I’m done supporting your addiction. Goodbye.”

Chloe’s hand covers mine. “I just want you to know I’m really freaking proud of you right now.” A blush creeps into my cheeks. “It’s just a game.” “It’s more than that.” “How so?” “This is your redemption.”

She’s like a rainbow after the storm, and I’ll be damned if she fades away once the sun breaks through the clouds.

“Thank you for not running away, even when I give you every reason to,”

“What kind of promise?” “Don’t run away again. When things get hard, stick it out with me. I can’t help you fight whatever holds you back if you retreat at the first sign of trouble.” “I will, but only if you promise the same.” “Deal.”

Damn. Chloe didn’t just steal a piece of my heart. She carved her initials into it, branding me for life.

“You got in the car and drove. You. Did. It.”

Chloe Carter destroyed me in every way I needed. She broke me apart before gluing me back together, repairing me from the inside out. I’m not letting this girl get away. Not now and not ever.

Santiago Alatorre reclaimed a part of his soul, and I never want him to lose it again.

“Since when did you get all enlightened and stuff?” “Since you came into my life.” That feeling inside of me? Where my heart races and my chest grows uncomfortably tight? It’s not something I’ll forget in this lifetime. It feels a lot like love, and I’m not sure what to make of it. Dammit, Santiago Alatorre.