Throttled (Dirty Air, #1)

by Lauren Asher

“I really like you, Maya. I want to spend every day with you, both in here and out there once you let me. Will you be my girlfriend? Officially?” The way she smiles at me makes my heart skip and my dick ache. She pulls me down for another kiss that speaks volumes because who the hell needs words when their body does the talking?

I could get high off the smell of her alone.

“I love seeing you in a tux. It’s one of my favorite things.” I can wear a tux every day if it makes her happy.

Love the way she pushes me for more. To feel, to live, to breathe her in and never let her go. To keep Maya all to myself because fuck the world, they don’t deserve her. Shit. I don’t either. But I can’t help my selfishness, the possessiveness I feel around her. A desire to mark her up and leave a trail of bruises from my lips.

She can take over my whole life with a smile on her face and I’d thank her for it.

I suck and mark her because I want every fucker to know she drives me wild.

Turns out I tend to be selfish everywhere but in the bedroom.

Our relationship is more than a physical attraction, not limited to a lust-induced fuckathon. I don’t fear the emotional tie linking us, instead choosing to embrace it because I’m the only one who fucks her and loves her like this. Love. One word I didn’t understand until Maya.

I want to brand her, make her mine, drive her as crazy as she makes me.

“I think you shave off a year of my life every single week,” her voice croaks. “What a year well spent.”

We both take care of ourselves. I help smooth out her hair while she fixes my bow tie. We’re quite the pair, she and I.

I make it a goal to make her laugh like that every single day of the rest of my life. She turns me into a sappy motherfucker who can’t help it around her, endlessly searching for ways to make her happy and satisfied.

“I love you.” My voice rasps over the music. Maya always looks beautiful to me. But the moment I admit I love her? She gives me what is hands down the most gorgeous smile I’ve ever seen, one meant only for me. I keep saying that. But I’ll never forget this one. “I love you, too.” Her voice carries over the sweet melody. I pull her in close after she says the three words I’ve wanted to hear for weeks, committing the moment to memory.

Back in the ballroom, he caught me off guard, looking excited to say those three words. Now he never goes a day without saying them.

He shows me how he cares, doing sweet things that make me appreciate him even more. Like buying me one of every candy bar when I got my period and sex was off the table. Or how he made sangria when I felt homesick, which led to us getting drunk and playing another round of two truths and a lie.

Noah shows an interest in my camera, asking people to take photos of us, claiming he wants memories of our first trip together. He hates every camera except my own.

“Not all of us like to visit the gym at five in the morning. This is the most I’ve worked out all year.” He shakes his head at me. “Don’t discount all the times I’ve fucked you. Better than any cardio you’ll do at a hotel gym.” “Look at you solving all of my problems.” I genuinely smile up at him.

And damn him for making my heart melt onto the pavement as he played with kids, throwing them in the air and catching them. A total dad move that makes my ovaries happy.

Cameras film me, making it impossible to hide my scowl at the unwanted attention, unlike any type of filming Maya does.

“I was terrified. I’m glad you’re okay,” I mumble into his chest. “I’ll always be okay and come back to you. Those cars are built for a bomb. I love you.” He squeezes me as he whispers the words in my ear.

“I didn’t fuck around with her. I love her. I’ll keep loving her through everything, no matter what you or anyone else says, or whatever you try to do to break us up. It’s insulting for you to even think I’d be with Maya to fuck around with your racing. She’s the end game. I don’t hook up with her for a shitty trophy, and sure as fuck not for a Championship win. I want everything with her. Everything after this.”

“Maya, let’s go.” He grabs onto her hand like a child. My heart clenches as fear pumps through my veins, unable to handle her rejection if she finds this relationship not worth the trouble, not worth pissing off her brother, not worth a risk flooded with cons and promises that have yet to be followed through on. Except her feet remain cemented to the floor. “No.” A simple word fills me with hope.

No more lies, no more secrets, and sure as hell no more people telling me what to do or how to live my life.

“I’m sorry for hiding it, but I’m not sorry for doing it in the first place. Don’t expect Maya to be either. I want to put it past us, because I love her, and I want to be with her. Forever. I can’t help my crappy past and decisions, but I can control my future. And she’s it.”

“Did you lose your balls between Brazil and here? Because if so, my chances of winning the Championship just got a whole lot better.” Noah drops his head back and laughs. “I think Maya found my—” I rush to cover his mouth, standing on the tips of my toes to reach him. “Nope. Absolutely not. Dirty jokes are off the table forever and ever.”

“I hate to say it, but I may prefer broody Noah versus lovey-dovey Noah. That guy kept to himself during race weekends rather than shoving his tongue down my sister’s throat at every possible opportunity.”

These two have never been friendlier, with us all eating dinner together each night this week. They even hung out on their own when I went to interview Liam. I came back to the suite to find the two of them playing video games, duking it out with an F1 simulation. I sat between them and spent the night watching TV with the biggest smile on my face.

Noah’s poor decisions don’t hang around us, not after he admitted the truth about his dad to my brother two days ago. My boyfriend, the same man who acted like the whole world could go fuck itself, gave my brother a hug and told him thank you for punching his dad. A freaking thank you. If I didn’t already love him, I would have offered my heart at that moment.

“Another strike and a prime example of how stubborn you both are.” “You do know it took you like eight months to figure out you liked my sister, right?” My brother flicks his blue card for emphasis. Noah smirks at the camera. “Not as bad as you taking ten months to realize you wanted me as a friend rather than an enemy.” Oh, shit.

“Well, at least we can agree on how we both love you,” my brother says with a telling smile. My chest tightens at the two of them looking at me. I never in a million years would have imagined them getting along like this, willing to put aside their differences to make me happy.

They couldn’t agree on who deserves a World Championship more, with Noah raising a red card while my brother raised a blue one. Yup, that happened. Jax and Liam may have won the game, but these two won each other over, a seemingly impossible task. And if that doesn’t deserve a trophy for the Constructors’ Championship, I don’t know what does.

Being around Maya has made me a forgiving person.

And if I learned one thing in therapy, besides the fact that crying makes my face puffy as fuck, is how love doesn’t come with conditions. No ifs, ands, or buts. It should make you a better person—not because you have to be, but because you want to be. I want to be the fucking best for Maya and myself. Need to love myself and all that jazz.

Closure is a funny concept. Everyone talks about how cathartic it feels, but no one describes the pain you experience before. The courage needed to push through tough situations. How much it rips a person up to know they need to let go, not because they want to, but because they have to.

My whole life, I lived chasing an unattainable prize of my parents’ love. I sped down racetracks and life, willing it to go faster, but now I want to slow down. Enjoy the moments with people who matter, who want to remember my birthday, or who know five facts about me that can’t be googled.

I needed to face my past to embrace my future. Looks like I went to hell and back, scoring an angel along the way.

“Don’t answer a question with a question.” “Can I answer with a kiss instead?”

“Under all that attitude, you sure have the biggest heart.” “Sh. Don’t let anyone in on our secret.”

I love everything about this man. He continues to throw me for a loop and surprises me whenever he can.

“I told them my parents aren’t coming, and it would mean a lot to me to have my girlfriend’s family here, no matter who wins. Because I would like to get to know them before I whisk you off on a two-week vacation. But most of all, it will make you happy, which in turn makes me happy.”

“You know when I gave Maya some rules about our trip, I didn’t anticipate Noah being an issue.” My brother flips through his menu. “Isn’t the first rule to never underestimate your enemy?” Noah holds back a smile.

“Noah won’t run. He’s liked her since Barcelona.” Noah and I look at my mom with wide eyes. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. The way you looked at my daughter is one I recognize in my own husband. You two were just too stubborn to admit it.”

“If he breaks her heart, I’ll run him over with the car he loves more than anything.” “Loved more than anything.” Noah sends me a wide smile that I save for my memories.

My heart swelled at the look of appreciation my parents offered him, both of them unaware of how much it means to Noah to have someone rooting for his team. Noah, a man denied of love and affection, craves my family’s acceptance more than anything.

Noah deserves the World Championship, and honestly, I want him to win, hoping it can help us overcome these worries. Sorry, Santi. I’m loyal to my boyfriend, too.

“Hi, this is Maya. Do you copy?” I try to imitate team radio videos that Noah and I have watched online. Noah’s chuckle sounds through the headphones. “Hi, this is Noah. I copy.”

“Tell me more about this great driver. I don’t know if I see him out here.” His voice strains. My heart dips at the thought of him panicking in the middle of a race. “They say Noah Slade’s basically the best. Likes to break records, on the racetrack and in the bedroom. You gotta be careful with him.” He lets out a hoarse laugh. “This is going to be a terrible team radio video. I’ll end up on YouTube, perdónenme Mami y Papi. Ignore this.”

“So anyway, please stop distracting me. And quit the seductive laughs too. Did you know this guy agreed to help the girl grow her vlog? He may be part of the reason she has over a million subscribers now. But I don’t think the guy knows he’s stuck with her. Stage-five clinger. She’s already signed a contract with the team to come to the races next year since they want her to film more behind the scenes action to promote the brand. A whole ordeal.”

“Pretty crazy. Imagine the girl’s surprise that number twenty-eight doesn’t want to drive faster. Take more risks. He took a chance on their relationship, and it all panned out. I wonder if he could do the same thing today?” I imagine fans commenting about how cliché I am on our video. Oh well, I won’t be crying myself to sleep. At least not in that way.

“It’s pretty insane. Can you imagine that kind of love? I can because I experience it. The story doesn’t end with a happily-ever-after because it starts with it. Because they have the rest of their lives to finish their story. Crazy, huh?” Noah speeds up at a turn, pushing his car to the limit, sparks flying from his rear wing. He overtakes Liam in one of the last corners. “Great job, babe! That was an amazing one. I knew you could do it.” “Maya?” his voice rasps. “Yup?” “Keep talking. I love hearing your voice.” Happy to oblige.