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Anna and Groverbeth.”
Grover grinned from ear to ear, which made him look like he had extra AI-generated teeth.
Maybe that sounds self-centered, but the idea of anybody writing a book about me makes me super paranoid.
We were going to spend Halloween week in a creepy goddess’s house, and all my mom was worried about was my dental hygiene. I guess she had to focus on the things she could help with.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever had this experience—when you see someone you know from a distance, and for a split second you don’t recognize them. Your brain just registers, Oh, that person looks amazing. Then you realize it’s someone you’ve known for years—your girlfriend, in fact—and that sends a tingle of happiness through your whole body.
“One of us always speaks the truth!” said the horse. “One of us always lies!” said the lion. I was about to say, Wait, I know this riddle! Then the dog chimed in. “And one of us always says something completely random! RUTABAGA!” The horse and the lion glanced at the dog. “Dude,” said the horse. “We’ve talked about his,” said the lion. “CARBURETOR!” barked the dog.
To answer your burning question—What do gods wear at home?—I can now confirm: yoga pants and an oversize sleep shirt.
Annabeth often told me I would make a great dad, because I already had the right jokes—stupid, corny, and stupid.
That’s the weird thing about pets, I guess. Even when they’re a total pain, they still manage to burrow their way into your heart.
Like perhaps all goddesses were supposed to have three different faces at once. Perhaps toilets should be on the ceiling. Perhaps polecats were different than weasels.
LEO+PERCY 4EVER ♥, because Leo is a doofus.
As I may have mentioned, Leo is a doofus.
Maybe I should write an application essay about that. I want to go to your university because my dog lives there. Or maybe not.
“We’re going to die with a puppy, which is always how I wanted to go, but still—”
She’d been bugging me to pick a topic for my paper on a forgotten historical figure. I’d been avoiding it, since I’d met so many forgotten historical figures and killed them all.
I wasn’t sure if the moray eels were supposed to be a temptation—unless they were a temptation for me to strangle a moray eel. In which case, well played, Hecate.
My sword was better at slashy-slashy than stabby-stabby, and I did not want to slashy-slashy Annabeth. That would make her mad.
I caught a glance from Grover. He was beaming at me like, See? Annabeth will make a great mom! Dude, I thought. One thing at a time. I’m still working on college applications.
Hecuba looked at the puppy, who was doing what puppies do best—radiating sweetness, sending out a message on all channels: I am adorable. Take care of me.
Call me alarmist, but the idea of my friend dissolving into nothing seemed like a pretty big deal to me.
By then he had finished his cheesecake and both ice teas, because he eats when he’s nervous, or when he’s not nervous, or just when there’s food in the vicinity.
He seemed way too apathetic to spend energy lying.
I could, however, sense a water spirit close by. It wasn’t something I normally would have noticed. Like, I don’t walk down the street and see little glowing blue dots pop up like I’m playing a Pokémon game.
Did she think I was dumb? Had I ever given her reason to—You know what? Forget I asked that.
Wow…either I was starting to understand Polecat, or I was hallucinating from the six thousand magic chemicals in the air.
Why couldn’t Hecate be waiting at the intersection with a helpful map and a selection of refreshing beverages?
That was the most Sally Jackson thing to say ever. A goddess had scared her, changed her life, and then years later threatened to incinerate her son if he didn’t pet-sit her animals correctly. And my mom’s reaction was That poor immortal goddess must really be hurting. You should help her.
“It’s fine,” Annabeth told me. “It’s all fine.” Proof positive that things were not fine.
Suddenly only the left side of my body felt like it was dissolving in acid.
In the demigod business, we have a technical term for situations like this. We call them bad.
Fortunately, there was Annabeth. (That sentence describes a lot of my life, actually.)
“Well, joke’s on you, Pete. Some of us don’t have souls! I’ll just reincarnate…probably as a pumpkin patch if I die on Halloween, but that’s not so bad!”
You see, kids? Absentmindedness can save your life.
She discovered that plants ride free on the Long Island Rail Road because nobody notices them.”
Sometimes folks at camp asked if I avoided eating seafood because I was the son of Poseidon and could talk to fish or whatever. I always answered that no, I ate fish. Have you ever talked to one? They don’t have a lot to say. Mostly it boils down to Are you food? Am I food? Eating them is the only way to answer the question.
