Impromptu Match (Goliaths of Wrestling, #1)

by Lily Mayne

Then it hit me, and I had a mini existential crisis at my desk. This is it. This is my life. I spent ten minutes picking out my tie this morning. I ironed my underpants even though no one ever sees them but me. I’m going to die here.

I’d typed out the word ‘synergy’ so many times in the last twelve years that it appeared in my dreams. I still didn’t even really know what it meant, and at this point I was too afraid to ask.

Zero pints of ice cream consumed in over a decade. Zero orgasms at the hands of another person for four years. Exactly zero orgies attended.

Dick-starved, I decided. It was a miserable, dick-starved mouth. I hadn’t had a dick in my mouth in four long years. Whatever muscles were used for dicksucking had probably just given up. Resigned themselves to the knowledge that they would never be put to work again. Or maybe it was the ice cream-eating muscles that had given up. Now I was picturing a nice, hard dick covered in ice cream, and I was getting a sad boner.

I accepted a slice of cake on a paper plate from Sharon with a smile and a somewhat enthusiastic, “Thanks,” even though it was lemon cake, which was the cake choice of evil villain overlords hellbent on sowing chaos and destruction, in my opinion.

Are you, Mindy? Are you really glad, or is your eye twitching slightly as you eat it because deep down, you know lemon cake is what the devil would choose to torture all the damned souls in hell with?

“He specifically requested—” He squinted down at his clipboard. “‘—sad office worker forced to attend a colleague’s birthday party.’ I mean, that’s clearly you.”

“Um, what? I’m not a stripper.” Not that I had anything against strippers, but I highly, highly doubted anyone would ever pay to see my pasty white ass cheeks clench around a dollar bill.

“Mmm. No, you’re not, are you?” He gave me a coy smirk, and I quickly realised with horror that he thought this was part of my ‘act.’ “You’re just a sad little office drone who thought he might claw back some excitement in his life by stripping for strangers after work, aren’t you? God, that’s hot.”

“Sometimes when Larkin thinks I’m working, I’m really just colouring,” Holt told me. I stared at him, glass halfway to my mouth. “Huh?” He nodded and opened a desk drawer to pull out an adult colouring book. “It’s relaxing.”

“Aww.” Larkin nudged my shoulder. “You’re like two single dads finding a second chance at love in your twilight years. It’s adorbs, honestly.”

“I really like you, Holt,” I found myself croaking, once again fiddling with the hem of my tiny T-shirt as a wave of self-consciousness rushed over me. The smirk dropped from his face as his eyes softened. He leaned back in and cupped my nape, pressing a gentle, seeking kiss to my mouth. “Good,” he said quietly, nuzzling my cheek. “Because I really, really like you too.”

“Sure, babe.” He bent down to open the minifridge. The pet name, said in such an easy way, like it just slipped out of him, made my stomach clench with longing.

I smiled. “I’ll miss you too, Grace. Oh, and by the way…” I pointed at the break room, then nodded at the stack of photocopied balls clutched in Tim’s arms. “Those are my boyfriend’s balls.”

I turned and reached for the door handle, then paused again. “One last thing…” An expectant hush fell over the room, everyone waiting with bated breath. After a few intense seconds of silence, I tightened my stomach and let out a loud, almost perplexingly long fart that tapered off into a squeak. Then I waved and opened the door. “See ya.”

Big, fat sunflower heads had been arranged on the mat to spell something out. An H, followed by a love heart, with a T underneath. H hearts T Holt…

“You…” My voice came out wobbly. I took a step closer to him, my gaze darting back down to the ring and my belly fluttering when I read it again. “This is your secret?” He nodded, a delicate blush staining his cheeks a darker grey as his smile grew boyish. “It’s a newer one.” “Holt…” My breath escaped me in a rush. Legs unsteady, I strode forward and crushed my mouth to his. “I love you too,” I mumbled between feverish kisses.

“But I love you even more.” I melted, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning in for another kiss. “I love you, Holt Hector.”