Unbind (Alchemy #6)

by Elodie Hart

What must it be like to ruin a life—several lives—and just walk away? To show up at a place like Alchemy in a suit that costs more than I make in a year, idly wondering how many women to fuck and in which ways you’ll violate them while a fellow human goes about his day with a life-altering injury?

Adam Wright lives here? It’s official. There is no justice left in this entire bloody world.

Adam Wright sulking into his giant bags of money in a cold, sleek and charmless bachelor pad I can handle. This is a far harder pill to swallow.

‘Once a bully, always a bully, I see. I’m going to bed. Thanks for dinner.’

It was before I reminded myself that Adam Wright, a guy who’s been in prison, for fuck’s sake, has achieved success and recognition and the lifestyle to go with it in a way I never, ever will.

I bet that guy fucks anything that moves. But the fact that he doesn’t have to lift a finger to do so pisses me off.

‘It wasn’t fun,’ is all I say. It was my cross to bear, and I ruined Natalie’s family as well as my own, so I have no intention whatsoever of allowing her to feel any more sympathy than necessary.

God knows, I’m a total newbie at this stuff, but I want to be the woman who turns him on more than anyone else. I don’t want him holding himself back, treating me with kid gloves and then fantasising about—or worse, going to—other women for the stuff that gives him his real kicks.

There’s no doubt I’m falling hard for Nat. I’m unspeakably grateful for every part of our fledgling relationship. I want her on her terms, and I’ll do everything in my power to ensure she feels safe, cared for, when she’s with me. But if she enjoys what I have in store for her tonight, if it unleashes some part of her that’s remained hidden even from herself until now, then God help my heart, because the sky is the limit for what she and I can share together.

‘Look. I didn’t know my childhood was fucked up for a long time. Kids tend to embrace their own lived experience as ‘normal’. I’ve never been able to decide if that’s a blessing or a total travesty.

‘But as it turns out, I was essentially neglected for a long time—we all were. So this is how I deal with it—by making sure I’m well looked after by people who I can rely on to show up for me, and by making sure that I in turn look after them well. It’s a wonderful covenant. It works for me, anyway.’

‘You need to learn,’ she says softly, ‘that there are people in this world who will take care of you because they can think of nothing more they’d rather do. Open.’

‘I’m not uncomfortable,’ I hasten to reassure her. ‘I just feel guilty. It’s shitty for you. We’ve only been together for a few weeks—you didn’t sign up for this. And you’re missing work. I look like shit, and I’m all sweaty and snotty and revolting. You should beat a hasty retreat and come back when I’m my usual, sexy self again.’ I wink at her, but she doesn’t rise.

‘I don’t want to be anywhere else.’ She clears her throat self-consciously. ‘I just want to be here with you, in any capacity.’ Her beautiful, expressive eyes keep flitting from my face to the napkin she’s wrecking. ‘I’d rather be here than at work,

‘Listen to me. I care about you, you idiot. I’ll take you any way I can get you, and there’s no way on earth I’d leave you when you were ill. I hate that you’re feeling crap, and I’m going to do everything I can to make it all the slightest bit less grim for you. Do you understand what I’m saying?’

‘Adam. This is really important. I know you didn’t have anyone to look out for you when you were younger, and it makes me so fucking furious that that’s your frame of reference. But this is what people do when they care about each other. They look after each other because they want to. I promise you, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be today than right here with you. Oh, and you may be sweaty and snotty, but you still have my absolute favourite face. So stop trying to get rid of me, okay? Because I’m not going anywhere.’

But it doesn’t matter, because my North Star is as follows: My relationship with Adam, and his importance to me, deserves to be legitimised in every single way.

Clearly Anna has not received the memo that being told to calm down has never, ever resulted in anyone actually calming down. Not in the entire history of humankind.