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I am strangely reminded of Mom’s utopia, gazing into the depths of Sid’s eyes.
“You know, most college nicknames are ridiculous, but yours tracks,” he says.
Wait, did he just say that I’m pretty? I accept the compliment instead of clarifying the true meaning of my moniker.
We’re all haunted in some way—whether by the secrets we protect, the truths we deny, or the inexplicable ugliness life throws our way.”
I come to the image of me taking Sid down my throat. What the actual fuck?
How do you describe being stripped—locked off—from everything that feels good?
Honestly, people go to therapy for different reasons. You don’t need to hit some kind of secret trauma threshold before it’s okay to go. You can go because you want to improve your life.”
Fuck my life. He’s such a wet dream. He’s my dream.
He possesses a nourishing warmth that seeps into my bones and reminds me of what it’s like to be untethered from grief.
“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Washington, I pray for your souls to rest in eternal peace. Those who are loved live on in the hearts of those who hold them dear. Though it feels like I’ve known him for a lifetime, I’ve only known your son for a short while, but it’s clear he loves you deeply. It’s said that true friendship is rare. Then, I shall count my blessings daily and cherish the friendship that I have with your son, who I imagine is a reflection of all of your light and love. May peace be upon you. A friend of your son, Sidney King.”
God, if there was ever a time when someone could point to a moment and say “And that’s when I knew for sure that I was falling for him,” this moment would take the cake.
“God, I’ve wanted to taste you since the first time I met you,”
I’ve had time to think about all the ways I want to taste, suck, and fucking explore every inch of you.”
I already know I’m going to want to live buried inside of you,”
If I never make a good decision again, I can revel in knowing that choosing Sid, the god of sex, to take my anal virginity is the best decision I ever made.
“For the record,” he continues, “this isn’t casual for me. I might not have been clear last night. It’s not casual for me when I experience this kind of connection with someone.
“Don’t come.” He sucks his thumb into his mouth. “That load is mine.”
“I love you because you’re you.”
“I love your intellect and wisdom. I want to explore inside of that expansive brain all day. You’re terrified of opening your heart up, yet you manage to love with every inch of it. You’re sexy as fuck, like goddamn!” he barks, making me laugh. “And you’re my best friend.”
He gave me the strength to do what I couldn’t for years—visit the past and come away with a sense of peace.
“What do you mean ‘who’? This is my hole.”
“No one fucking touches it but me. You hear me?”
“I don’t doubt that you love me, Tyler.” He turns to face me. “I doubt that you love yourself. Your grief is twisted so deep inside of you that it’s running your life.”
“The thing is, there’s no shortage of ignorant and miserable people in the world who will go out of their way to spread their misery and ignorance. You have to fortify yourself every day so that their attempted blows roll off you.
“I thought I told you—this dick is yours and yours only.”
“You forgot?”
“Liar.”
“I’ll fucking remind you.”
“I just fed you protein, zinc, B-12, and vitamin C. Breakfast fit for champions.” “Of course you looked up the vitamins in semen, you health nut.”
I love deeply. At times, it’s felt like a curse and the root of my pain. Yet, it’s the one thing that’s been unfailing through everything.
