Goddesses in Everywoman:: Powerful Archetypes in Women's Lives

by Jean Shinoda Bolen

Aphrodite impells women to fulfill both creative and procreative functions.

Cultivating an interest in art, poetry, dance, or music serves a similar purpose in the aesthetic sphere. One can develop the ability to become completely immersed in a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic experience. Once one is engrossed, then an interaction between oneself and the aesthetic medium can occur, out of which something new may emerge.

The Aphrodite archetype creates a personal charisma—a magnetism or electricity—that, combined with physical attributes, makes a woman “an Aphrodite.”

When Aphrodite is an active part of a plain woman, that woman does not draw men to her from across the room. Those who come close, however, find her engaging and charming. Many rather ordinary-looking women with Aphrodite qualities attract others with the magnetic warmth of their personalities and their natural, unselfconscious sensuality.

An enduring monogamous marriage, however, is often difficult for an Aphrodite woman to attain. Unless other goddesses are influential in containing Aphrodite within the marriage, or the marriage is a particularly fortuitous combination, she will probably follow a pattern of serial relationships.

Women who follow Aphrodite’s instinctive sexuality often get caught between, on the one hand, their own desire for sexual connection and their proclivity for generating erotic energy in others, and, on the other hand, a culture that considers a woman promiscuous if she acts on her desires and a tease if she does not.

A woman most closely identified with Aphrodite often is an extraverted woman with a lust for life and a fiery element in her personality. She likes men and draws them to her with her attractiveness and interest in them. Her attentiveness is seductive; she makes a man feel that he is special and sexy. This attention invites a reciprocal response in him, generating erotic attraction between them, which leads to a desire for sexual intimacy.

If she identifies with Aphrodite, she will act on this desire without considering the consequences. But the consequences may be social condemnation, a series of shallow relationships, possible exploitation by men who seek sex with her and nothing more, and subsequent lowered self-esteem. She needs to know how to contain Aphrodite in some circum-stances, and how to respond in others—how to choose wisely “when and with whom,” and how not to be propelled by the archetype into destructive situations.

When an Aphrodite woman learns to reflect on the consequences before she acts, she will respond somewhat less impulsively and behave more responsibly. However, emotional priorities will continue to carry more weight than practical considerations. And she may still hurt others by her behavior, even when she deliberates on her course of action beforehand, because she ultimately follows her heart.

Men may become casualties when an Aphrodite woman “loves them and leaves them.” She falls in love very easily, each time sincerely convinced that she has found the perfect man. In the magic of the moment, he may feel himself a god in love with a goddess, only to be dropped and replaced. As a consequence, she leaves in her wake a series of wounded, rejected, depressed, or angry men who feel used and discarded.

An Aphrodite woman may go through a series of intense love affairs, swept up each time by the magic (or archetypal experience) of being in love. To end this pattern, she must learn to love someone “warts and all”—someone who is an imperfect human rather than a god. First she must become disenchanted with facile infatuations; usually only experience can bring about such disillusionment. Only then can she stay in a relationship long enough to accept the human flaws in her partner and herself and to discover the human dimensions of love.

Although other goddess archetypes may not be prominent in an Aphrodite woman, they usually are present at least in latent form. With certain life experiences, they can grow in influence, offsetting or modifying Aphrodite’s power in a woman’s psyche. If an Aphrodite woman develops skills or acquires an education, Artemis and Athena are likely to grow in importance. If she marries and has a child, Hera and Demeter may have a stabilizing influence. If she develops Hestia through meditation, she may more easily resist the extraverted pull of erotic attraction. And cultivating Persephone’s introversion may allow an Aphrodite woman to live out a sexual experience in fantasy rather than in reality.

Task 1: Sorting the Seeds. Aphrodite leads Psyche into a room and shows her an enormous pile of seeds jumbled together—corn, barley, millet, poppy, chick peas, lentils, and beans—and tells her that she must sort each kind of seed or grain into its own pile before evening. The task seems impossible until a host of lowly ants come to her aid, placing each kind, grain by grain, in its own mound.

Similarly, when a woman must make a crucial decision, she often must first sort out a jumble of conflicted feelings and competing loyalties. The situation is often especially confusing when Aphrodite has a hand in the situation. “Sorting the seeds” is, then, an inward task, requiring that a woman look honestly within, sift through her feelings, values, and motives, and separate what is truly important from what is insignificant.

When a woman learns to stay with a confused situation and not act until clarity emerges, she has learned to trust “the ants.” These insects are analogous to an intuitive process, the workings of which are beyond conscious control. Or clarity can come through her conscious efforts to systematically or l...

Acquiring the golden fleece without destroying Psyche is a metaphor for the task of gaining power and remaining a compassionate person. In my psychiatric practice, I find that keeping this task in mind is very helpful to every woman who is learning to assert herself. Otherwise, by focusing only on expressing her needs or anger, her conversations become alienating confrontations that do not help her achieve what she wants and that present her in a harsh, destructive light.

It is especially important for Aphrodite women to get some emotional distance on her relationships, in order to see overall patterns and pick out important details that will enable her to grasp what is significant. Then she can assimilate experience and shape the form her life can take.

The task Psyche accomplishes when she says no, three times, is to exercise choice. Many women allow themselves to be imposed on and diverted from doing something for themselves. They cannot accomplish whatever they set out to do, or what is best for them, until they learn to say no. Whether it is a person who needs their company or comfort, or the attraction of an erotically charged relationship, until a woman can say no to her particular susceptibility, she cannot determine her own life course.

Competition, conflicts and alliance among the goddesses occur within a woman’s psyche—as they once did on Mt. Olympus. Which one does a woman heed? Which one does she ignore? How much choice does she exercise?

Within each woman, activated archetypes often vie for supremacy, or compete for dominance.

I was struck by the realization that they can represent the three major directions that a woman’s life can take—aspects within a woman that often are in conflict. Hera puts marriage first; so would the woman who identifies with Hera’s goals. Athena values the use of intellect to achieve mastery, a woman who honors her as the fairest would consider her career primary. Aphrodite favors beauty, love and passion, and creativity as the ultimate values, and the woman who agrees will place the vitality of her subjective life above enduring relationships and achievements.

If a woman lets others decide what is important to her, then she will live out her parents’ expectations and will conform to her social class assumptions of what she should do. In her life, which goddess will be honored will be determined by others. If a woman decides for herself “which goddess gets the golden apple,” basing that decision on the strength of the goddess in her, then whatever she decides will be meaningful to her. It may or may not be supported by her family and culture, but it will feel authentic.

Within a woman, the goddesses may vie among themselves, or one may rule. Each time the woman must make a major decision, there may be a contest among the goddesses for the golden apple. If so, does the woman decide among competing priorities, instincts, and patterns? Or is the course she takes determined for her—by the goddess?

what goes on in our heads can be thought of as being like a committee, with various aspects of our personalities sitting around the table—male as well as female, young and old, some noisy and demanding, others quiet and cut off. If we are fortunate, a healthy ego sits at the head of the table, chairing the committee, deciding when and who should have a turn or take the floor. A chairperson keeps order by being an observant participant and an effective executive—qualities shared with a well-functioning ego. When the ego functions well, appropriate behavior results.

When a woman’s ego cannot keep order, one goddess archetype may intervene and take over the personality. Metaphorically, then, that goddess rules the mortal. Or an inner equivalent of an Olympian war can occur when equally strong archetypal elements are in conflict. When a person is in inner conflict, the outcome depends on how the “members” of that particular person’s “committee” work together. Like all committees, the functioning of the group depends on the chairperson and the members—who they are, how strong their viewpoints are, how cooperative or how contentious the group process is, and how much order the chair maintains.

Midlife may bring a new configuration of goddesses, or the new prominence of one goddess.

When a time of transition comes, if the ego is in charge of an orderly, reflective, conscious process, then the woman considers priorities, loyalties, values, and reality factors. She does not force resolution of conflicting choices; resolution comes after the issues have become clear. This process may take five minutes, when she’s deciding what to do on Sunday. Or it may take five years, when she is contemplating a major life change.

When a person feels that she didn’t have a choice and was forced to give up something important by outer circumstance, or inner compulsion, she feels angry, impotent, and depressed. Resentment saps her vitality and prevents her from concentrating fully on whatever she is doing, however meaningful the task may be.

She had to actively endorse the outcome. To do this, a woman must be able to say, “I see who I am and what the circumstances are. I affirm these qualities as me, I accept reality as it is.” Only then can the energy bound up in an issue be freed for other use.

If the ego passively goes along with whichever side is temporarily in power, then a see-saw pattern results, as first one side “wins” and gets its way, and then the other.

When fierce conflicts arise in a woman’s psyche and the ego cannot maintain order, then an orderly process cannot even begin. Many voices are raised, and a cacophony of internal noise results—as if the goddesses were screaming their concerns, each trying to drown out the others. The woman’s ego cannot sort out what the voices in her are saying, while a great pressure builds up inside. The woman in whom such chaos is going on feels confused and pressured to do something, at a time when she cannot keep her thoughts straight.

When a mass of problems is broken down into separate concerns, the ego may no longer feel overwhelmed.

“Committee chaos” is often temporary, a short lapse following an initial chaotic reaction to something perceived as new and threatening. The ego shortly afterward restores order. If the ego does not restore order, however, the mental chaos can lead to a breakdown. The mind remains full of competing emotions, thoughts, and images; it becomes impossible to think logically; and the person stops functioning.

As chairperson, a biased ego recognizes only certain favored committee members. It silences others who express needs, feelings, or viewpoints that it considers unacceptable by calling them out of order. It censors whatever it doesn’t want to look at or hear about, so that on the surface there appears to be no conflict. “Favored goddess status” is sometimes held by a few or even one goddess, whose views dominate. These are the goddesses with whom the ego identifies.

Meanwhile, the perspective and priorities of out-of-favor goddesses are suppressed or repressed. They may be mute or may not even appear to be present on the committee. Instead, their influence is felt “outside the committee room”—or outside consciousness. Actions, psychosomatic symptoms, and moods may be expressions of these censored goddesses.

She’s a bubbling Aphrodite in one setting; extraverted, emotionally responsive, and sensual. In the other, she’s a careful Athena, meticulously carrying out a project she has thought through and now must gather evidence to verify.

For example, if Artemis joins Athena as an activated archetype, then feeling as well as thinking may be equal or near-equally developed, contrary to theory.

Once a woman (through her observing ego) becomes aware of the goddess archetypes and develops an appreciation of the committee as a metaphor for inner process, she has two very useful insight tools. She can listen with a sensitive ear to the voices within herself, recognize “who” is speaking, and become aware of the goddesses that influence her. When they represent conflicting aspects of herself that she must resolve, she can tune into the needs and concerns of each goddess, and then decide for herself what is most important.

If some goddesses are inarticulate and difficult to recognize—their presence only surmised through an acting-out episode, a psychosomatic symptom, or a mood—she may need time and attention to perceive who they are.

The image of herself as Artemis activated the energy she needed for the task.

Once a woman can tune in to the different parts of herself and can listen, observe, or feel her differing priorities and competing loyalties, she can then sort them out and measure their importance to her. She then can make conscious choices: when conflicts arise, she decides what priorities to place above others, and what course of action she will take. As a result, her decisions resolve inner conflicts instead of instigating internal wars. Step by step, she thus becomes a conscious choicemaker who repeatedly decides for herself which goddess gets the golden apple.

There is a potential heroine in everywoman. She is the leading lady in her own life story on a journey that begins at her birth and continues through her lifetime. As she travels on her particular path, she will undoubtedly encounter suffering; feel loneliness, vulnerability, uncertainty; and know limitations. She also may find meaning, develop character, experience love and grace, and learn wisdom.

She is shaped by her choices, by her capacity for faith and love, by her ability to learn from experience and make commitments. When difficulties arise, if she assesses what she can do, decides what she will do, and behaves in ways consistent with her values and feelings, she is acting as the heroine-protagonist of her own myth.

My patients have taught me that it is not just what happened to them that shaped who they are, but what happened in them that made the difference. What they felt and how they reacted inwardly and outwardly determined who they became, much more than the degree of adversity they encountered.

the true cost of anything is what we give up in order to have it.

It is the path not taken. To take the responsibility of making the choice is crucial and not always easy. What defines the heroine is that she does it.

The nonheroine woman, in contrast, goes along with someone else’s choice. Rather than actively deciding if this is what she wants ...

There is also another nonheroine pattern. It is lived out by the woman who stays at a crossroads, unclear about how she feels, or uncomfortable as choicemaker, or unwilling to make a choice because she doesn’t want to give up any options.

So women need to become choicemaker-heroines instead of being passive, or victim-martyrs, or pawns moved around by other people or circumstance.

Asserting themselves is a heroic task for women who have been as compliant as Persephone; or who have put their men first, as would Hera; or who have looked out for everyone else’s needs, as does Demeter. To do so goes against how they were raised, as well.