Goddesses in Everywoman:: Powerful Archetypes in Women's Lives

by Jean Shinoda Bolen

When Aphrodite influences a relationship, her effect is not limited to the romantic or sexual. Platonic love, soul connection, deep friendship, rapport, and empathic understanding all are expressions of love.

I think of Aphrodite consciousness as analogous to theater lighting that illuminates the stage. What we behold in this limelight enhances, dramatizes, or magnifies the impact of the experience on us. We take in and react to what we see and hear. This special lighting helps us to be emotionally transported at a symphony, or to be moved by a play or by the words of a speaker; feelings, sense impressions, and memories are drawn out of us in response to what we see and hear.

Aphrodite’s “in love” way of attending to another person as if he or she were fascinating and beautiful is characteristic of women who personify the archetype, and is a natural way of relating and gathering information for many women (and men) who like people and focus their total attention on them intently.

Such a woman takes in people in the same way that a wine connoisseur attends to and notices the characteristics of an interesting new wine. To appreciate the metaphor fully, imagine a wine buff enjoying the pleasure of getting acquainted with an unknown wine.

But it would be a mistake to assume that the “loving attention” and interest she pays the wine means that the particular wine is special, valued, or even enjoyed.

It is her style to be genuinely and momentarily involved in whatever interests her.

it can be an art form, as spontaneous, moving, and wonderful as musical improvisation or jam sessions, when the soul takes flight with the music and soars to rhapsodic heights one moment, and touches a deep chord the next.

lovers glow with well-being and heightened energy; conversation sparkles, stimulating thoughts and feelings. When two people truly meet each other, both receive energy from the encounter and feel more vitality than before, regardless of the content—which, in therapy, can be very painful material. Work becomes invigorating rather than draining. Absorbed by whom we are with, or by what we are doing, we lose track of time—a

Women have nurtured the Dream for men, while men in general haven’t nurtured the Dream very well for the women in their lives.

In the “golden” space that surrounds them, sensory impressions are intensified: they hear music more clearly, fragrances are more distinct, the taste and touch of the lover are enhanced.

“I look back on how I pretended to enjoy the date, when what I really wanted was the sex part of it.”

“It’s as if my body now knows how.”

When one project ends, another possibility arises that fascinates her.

“Once I knew that I fell in and out of love easily, and had a strong sex drive to go along with it, I didn’t take falling in love too seriously.

An Aphrodite woman often has a wide circle of women friends (none Hera women) and acquaintances who enjoy her spontaneity and attractiveness. Many of them share Aphrodite qualities with her. Others seem to function as her attendants, either enjoying her company or living vicariously through her amorous adventures.

An Aphrodite woman may go through a series of intense love affairs, swept up each time by the magic (or archetypal experience) of being in love. To end this pattern, she must learn to love someone “warts and all”—someone who is an imperfect human rather than a god. First she must become disenchanted with facile infatuations; usually only experience can bring about such disillusionment. Only then can she stay in a relationship long enough to accept the human flaws in her partner and herself and to discover the human dimensions of love.

The goddess Aphrodite’s power to make others love could be destructive. For example, she sometimes compelled a woman to love someone who did not or could not return her love.

When a woman learns to stay with a confused situation and not act until clarity emerges, she has learned to trust “the ants.” These insects are analogous to an intuitive process, the workings of which are beyond conscious control. Or clarity can come through her conscious efforts to systematically or logically assess and assign priority to the many elements involved in a decision.

Each time the woman must make a major decision, there may be a contest among the goddesses for the golden apple. If so, does the woman decide among competing priorities, instincts, and patterns? Or is the course she takes determined for her—by the goddess?

what goes on in our heads can be thought of as being like a committee, with various aspects of our personalities sitting around the table—male as well as female, young and old, some noisy and demanding, others quiet and cut off.

her ego had to be more than a passive observer that tallies up the voting strength of archetypes.

“I see who I am and what the circumstances are. I affirm these qualities as me, I accept reality as it is.”

“Favored goddess status” is sometimes held by a few or even one goddess, whose views dominate. These are the goddesses with whom the ego identifies.

Women often describe themselves as being “more than one person,” when several goddesses take turns being the dominant influence.

Once a woman (through her observing ego) becomes aware of the goddess archetypes and develops an appreciation of the committee as a metaphor for inner process, she has two very useful insight tools. She can listen with a sensitive ear to the voices within herself, recognize “who” is speaking, and become aware of the goddesses that influence her. When they represent conflicting aspects of herself that she must resolve, she can tune into the needs and concerns of each goddess, and then decide for herself what is most important.

her decisions resolve inner conflicts instead of instigating internal wars.

As she travels on her particular path, she will undoubtedly encounter suffering; feel loneliness, vulnerability, uncertainty; and know limitations. She also may find meaning, develop character, experience love and grace, and learn wisdom.

a woman becomes a choicemaker, a heroine who shapes who she will become. She either grows or is diminished by what she does or does not do and by the attitudes she holds.

it is not just what happened to them that shaped who they are, but what happened in them that made the difference.

What they felt and how they reacted inwardly and outwardly determined who they became, much more than the degre...

the true cost of anything is what we give up in order to have it.

So women need to become choicemaker-heroines instead of being passive, or victim-martyrs, or pawns moved around by other people or circumstance.

I feel that one must deliberate and then act, must scan every life choice with rational thinking but then base the decision on whether one’s heart will be in

it. No other person can tell you if your heart is involved, and logic cannot provide an answer.

Grieving and forgiving is usually the way out. Thereafter, vitality and light may return.

In retrospect, many such dark periods turn out to be rites of passage, a time of suffering through which a woman has learned something of value, and has grown.

“the transcendent function.” By this he means something that arises from the unconscious to solve the problem or show the way to an ego (or heroine) who needs help from something beyond itself (or in herself).

These are parts of ourselves that we can come to know through life experiences, parts that are inherent in all of us. This is the human potential with which we start.

We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.

The heroine who fended off hostile attacks, reclaimed her power, and struggled with goddesses may seem similarly ordinary—at peace with herself.