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The push and pull—all the games… This truly feels like the end. But why? Because I cried? Because he hurt me? “Can you tell me why?”
“I think I deserve to know why.”
“Look at me, little psycho.” I obey. “You already know.”
“You know I ain’t perfect—” “You’re perfect to me,”
“And that’s a problem because?” “I can’t give myself to you and still be whole,”
“If we start this shit, we would be a nightmare. Obsessive, possessive, psychotic—”
“But that sounds fuckin’ awesome to me,” I argue, still not seeing the issue. “Wa...
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“That’s exactly it. I can’t be losin’ myself when I’ve got people to take care of. Got a gang to lead. Got to ke...
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“What about me, Whaley?” “We’re both fucked-up. I can’t think when I’m around you. I do the wrong stuff, say the wrong things… I’d hurt you more than I just did. I’d hurt everyone. Fuck, I wouldn’t be...
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Maybe the best way to love him is to not have him at all. Maybe that fate worse than death is my lot in life
“Jesus Christ, okay. Look, Bunk, we’re your friends and you need to tell us what the fuck is wrong with you.” “You’re depressed,” Blaine so helpfully states.
“Chocolate?” Wonderful. This Bunky-vention is off to a fabulous start. Fucking trainwreck, if you ask me. Got to give it to him though, Landon’s adorable.
appreciate what you’re all tryin’ to do, but there ain’t anythin’ to talk about,” I tell them, begrudgingly getting out of my fort, tired of them looming over me. “Things are okay.” “No, they ain’t. You almost cried when you accidentally squished a ladybug yesterday,” Silas points out. “And when Blaine accidentally called a bimbo a dildo, you didn’t crack one joke. You didn’t even smile.”
“My mouth was full, asshole.”
“You’re really not gonna tell us? You might as well fess up.” “To what?” I throw back, even though my face blooms with worried heat. Then I narrow my eyes at him, trying to read his mind. “You can’t know...” That makes him smirk. “Don’t I?”
“You don’t know.” “What doesn’t he know?” Landon asks like an adorably lost puppy as he looks between us. “Raid?”
“Fine. If I need to be the villain, so be it.”
“What does that mean?” “It means that I’ve got to be the one to say that Whaley and Bunky are fuckin’.” “What?” “Wait…”
“Sorry.” “Raid!” I hiss, advancing on him, but he dodges me. “Why the fuck did you say that? How the fuck do you even know?”
“So it’s true?”
“Between you and Silas, I don’t know who’s more clueless.”
“Asshole,”
“Got a lot on my mind these last few months. I was in jail, or did everyone forget?”
“Look, I’m not tryin’ to be a dick. I’m bein’ real. Whaley is what’s got you lookin’ like you wanna torch yourself. If that’s the case, we gotta put an end to that shit. It ain’t a good look, Bunk.”
“Did he hurt you?” Blaine innocently asks, and I don’t blame him. All he knows about Whaley is his reputation, not the man he actually is. And I also can’t miss the chance to fuck with him. “Only when I beg for it.” “Ew, I don’t want any of those details.” Raid shakes his head. “So, if you’re fuckin’, what’s the problem?”
“We just don’t work,” is all I say with a sad shrug. “Whaley knows it, I know it, and I bet you all know it too.”
What’s the point of lovin’ someone you can never really be with?” “Love?” Landon’s eyes widen as he takes in my words. “You love him?” “Yeah,”
“I think about him all the time, keep all his shit, follow him around. I even got a shrine in my closet.”
“Would we…” Blaine starts, hesitating as he thinks of the right words to use. “Would we call that love?” “More like obsession,” Silas tells him.
“Landon, you’ve been watchin’ too many rom-coms. We’re puttin’ on a horror movie tonight.”
“Landon, you beautiful himbo,” I cheer, slapping two kisses on each of his cheeks as I spring back. “You’re right! Fuck it!” “Yes!” Landon yells back while slamming his fists against his chest. “Let’s fucking go, man!”
“You all suck. Landon’s my new favorite.”
“Hell yeah,” Landon laughs, looking at Raid. “You hear that?” “Loud and clear,” Raid grumbles, tugging on Landon’s jacket. “Let’s go, man. The Exorcist it is.” “But I don’t like scary movies!” “Tough shit.”
😂😂
Bunky, the look of hope on his face when I told him he’d become my everything if we got together. Bunky, the way he clutched my chest when I told him I had people to take care of. Bunky, his big, watery green eyes when I told him we were fucked-up. Stay strong. You have to. I manage to get through the rest of my day, but only with my obsession securely planted in my mind. Not being with Bunky… This shit’s going to be harder than I thought.
“Jesus Christ, you’ve gotta be kiddin’,” I scold, my hand coming to press against my chest as I look up at my ceiling. I inhale deeply, trying to ground myself before looking back at him. He’s wearing all black—black turtleneck, black jeans, black beanie, and even has black war paint on his cheeks. He’s got a wide smile spread across his
face as he holds up a brown paper bag. Has he lost it? “What the fuck are you doin’?”
“Either way, he told me I needed to try again, and I realized I do. If you’re not willin’ to fight, then I gotta get my knuckles bloodied for the two of us.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying not to hunt down some kid I don’t even know and beat him to death with this bag of fucking bagels. “Bunk…”
“You talked last time, now it’s my turn.” He gives me a pointed look, patting the spot beside him. “You’re gonna let me talk. Stay quiet until the end and I may suck your dick.”
“Go ahead.” I sit down too. “The floor is yours.”
“You and I belong together,”
“I know it and you know it. This push and pull between us is great and all but, Whaley, I’m bored of it. I'm ready for ...
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“All your reasons are good reasons. You’re right that we would be so wrong for each other, but I don’t fuckin’ care. I feel like I’m suffocatin’. I can’t think without you. I ca...
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“You don’t know what you’re tal...
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might be eighteen, but I’ve seen shit. You know it. I know enough to realize that life is too fuckin’ short, that life can gut you at any moment, and that if you fin...
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“You make me feel alive. You make me feel seen. You make me feel accepted. Don’t I do all that for you?
“Bunky—” “Please,”
“Please, try for me and try for us. I’ll gladly take a ticket to Hell as long as that means I can be with you. I don’t need anythin’ but you.” I get up quickly, hands fisting my hair as I shake my head. “No.” “Whaley—” “I said no, Bunk!” My voice comes out cracked and tortured. “Don’t do this to me.”
“You know you want it. You know you want me.” He raises his hands and runs them down my chest, inching on the tip of his toes so his lips ghost mine. I keep shaking my head but it doesn’t escape me that I lean closer. I don’t kiss him though, keeping our lips hovering above each other. His little breaths fan my mouth and I find that I’m panting against him. Everything in my body is coiled tight, like a rubber band ready to snap. “Give us a shot,” he begs, pressing himself fully against me. “You don’t know how much I need you.”
“You like torturin’ me? Want to see me in pain? You’re fuckin’ accomplishin’ it.”
