Breakaway (Beyond the Play #2)

by Grace Reilly

I salute her. “Aye, m’lady.” She keeps on giving me that weird look, but after a moment, she just shakes her head slightly. “Whatever. See you out on the ice.”

. I just need to trust she has no interest in her father finding out. He’d chain me to the ice and make me the first official death-by-Zamboni murder victim.

I have no claim to her. In fact, I actively try to avoid having a claim over any girls at all, especially when their last name is Ryder. But something about seeing her with another guy makes my chest hurt, and when I swallow, it’s like I have a bone stuck in my throat.

Now we’re here, and weirdly, I’d rather be standing in this hallway with her than back at the party with any number of girls, and that odd ache in my chest still won’t kick the bucket.

“Dangerous,” he murmurs. “You’re playing with fire, Red.” “You like it, don’t you?” “Can’t deny it.”

He brushes his thumb across my cheek. “Okay,” he says. “Friends with benefits.” “Friends with an agenda.” “You are rather organized.”

“Think about that list of yours,” he murmurs into my ear. I shiver at the feel of his warm breath on my skin. “Keep teasing and I’ll have to punish you. I can think of two things that would be suitable for slander.” Sebastian clears his throat. “I’m right fucking here.”

I don’t like Penny Ryder like that. She’s not my schoolboy crush. She’s my friend and we’re kindred spirits in the sack, but that doesn’t make me want to be her boyfriend. Even if all my wet dreams lately have involved her. Even if her laughter is so adorable, it makes my chest hurt. Even if I’ve never enjoyed sex more, and I haven’t even gotten my dick inside her anywhere but her mouth. Even if my favorite recent memory is cuddling with her in my bed while watching Lord of the Rings.

Someone shoulders in between us to hustle down the stairs. I grab her hand again and pull her closer.

She goes to look, but I hang back, distracted by a mannequin wearing a leather corset. That would look hot as fuck on Penny. If she added heels and put her hair up? I think I might have a heart attack.

The one redhead in the bunch doesn’t hold a candle to my Red, though.

“Those were my good tights,” I protest, my voice fading as he rubs his knuckles over the front of my thong. “I’ll buy you new ones.” He keeps kissing my neck, unwinding my scarf and flinging it onto the seat across from us. “I’ll buy you ten new pairs. Whatever you want.”

“Like it?” I say. My voice cracks like I’m a teenager again. “Red, are you trying to kill me?”

The words are catnip to her. I can practically feel her smile, how she relaxes. Fondness fills up my chest and spills through fucking everywhere—my heart, my lungs, in between every rib, settling in my stomach like a huge gulp of hot chocolate on a wintry morning. I can’t stop grinning. She’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever had, and if I’m being honest, she’s ruining me for anyone else.

I press play on the movie. “I forbid you from screaming when the orcs are onscreen.” “But they’re just so gross!”

When she reads The Fellowship of the Ring, she’ll see where I dog-eared the pages, where I broke the spine, where I penciled in thoughts during rereads where things felt particularly magical. I know I’m not supposed to feel this way for her, and maybe I’m reading this whole situation wrong, but she can’t be feeling nothing.

It’s in my chest like a breathing, palpable thing. Not friendship. Something deeper. Eventually, I won’t be able to contain it, and I’m terrified that the moment that happens, I’ll lose Penny for good.

“Watch your fucking mouth,” I say quietly. “Don’t talk about my sister or my girl.”

She’s my girl. Maybe it’s not official, but it’s the truth. She’s mine, and the second she admits that to herself, I’m going to shout it from the fucking rooftops.

Knowing that when I see her, if there’s anyone around, I can’t kiss her. I’m planning to sneak into her room later, but that’s not the same as kissing her in the lobby and watching her sleep on my shoulder on the team bus. I don’t know when, exactly, I became the sort of guy who daydreams about getting to watch a girl sleep, but with Penny, it seems natural. Inevitable. It’s like I never dated anyone else because I was waiting for her to come into my life. Why would I have wasted time with someone who isn’t her?

“Such a fucking brat, Red. Take it off before I rip it right off your body.” Her breath hitches. I press against her, knowing she can feel the outline of my dick through the towel. “You wouldn’t.” I stretch the hem taut. “Watch me.” “What is it with you and destroying my clothes?” “This isn’t yours. If it was my number, it would be yours.”

“Man, you have it bad,” Evan says. He crosses the room to where I’m still rooted in place, clapping a hand onto my shoulder and squeezing. “I didn’t even realize.” “I don’t,” I snap. “Dude, you were looking at her like she—what do they say? Hung the moon? You were looking at her like that. Like she climbed up on a ladder and put it in the sky just for you.”

Before she can say a word, I crowd the doorway, pulling her into my arms and kissing her hard. I kick the door closed, then spin her around, pressing her against it as I devour her mouth. She tastes like mint, and there’s something sweet mixed in with the lavender of her perfume, and when I finally break away, gasping, she whines and tugs me back. “Callahan,” she murmurs against my mouth. “What’s gotten into you?”

“You’re calling me Callahan because it helps you pretend there’s nothing deeper going on here,” I say in a low voice. “Cut the shit, Penny. You know my name. Say it.” She stares at me for a long moment, defiance in her eyes and the upturn of her nose, but then she pushes me away—and pulls the sweater off her head. She lets it crumple to the floor. “Cooper,” she whispers. “I’m scared.” “Is that why you wore his sweater?”

“I’m not laughing at it either! I’m laughing with it. Because it’s funny.” “Sure.” “You called the evil rival werewolf dude an impotent worm, Pen. Am I not supposed to laugh at that?”

best time playing Santa for your kids.” I snap my head up. Penny is still looking into the camera, but a blush has erupted over her face like wildfire. “I mean, your eventual kids,” she rambles. “If you even want kids. God, I mean . . . yeah.” “Hell yeah, I want kids.” I wet my bottom lip; now I can’t stop thinking about Penny with a little red-haired baby in her arms. I haven’t given much thought to children beyond knowing that one day I’d like to have a family, but that doesn’t mean the fantasy isn’t appealing. I’m not planning on giving up Penny unless I’m physically forced to, so maybe that’s in our future. “Not anytime soon, though.”

“Shh,” he says. “I’ve got you. You’re such a good girl, Penny, letting me take care of you.” I sniffle. I don’t deserve this, but I’m going to ride it as long as he’s willing to give it. “Cooper.” I reach my arms up around his neck, pulling him into another kiss. “Babe, I need . . .” “Tell me, gorgeous girl. Tell me and I’ll give it to you.” Tears leak out of the corners of my eyes. Maybe my period is making me more emotional than usual, but how can I not react to words like that, said so quietly they couldn’t be for anyone but me if they tried?

Cooper kisses me as soon as he parks the truck in the lot. “Fucking hell, Penny. Bedroom eyes are called that for a reason.” I just blink innocently at him. “Can I put my fingers up your ass after the game?” He growls, practically yanking me across the seat, and it’s a good thing he just turned the truck off, because my knee hits the gear shift. I end up in his lap, a tangle of limbs, and he kisses my face everywhere he can reach; his hands are on my ass, massaging it through my jeans. I shiver, even though I’m not cold anymore. He’s so fucking big that he makes me feel tiny.

“That was way too long,” Izzy says, glancing over at me. She’s still on the floor, a couple cat toys spread out around her. Tangy is sitting a foot away, flicking her tail. She doesn’t look very impressed by the display. It takes my daughter a lot to get excited. A simple toy won’t do; you need to break out the tuna or the catnip or, on special occasions, the bird videos, for that.

People talk about love like it’s a given, but until now, I didn’t know if that included me. Yet every moment like this? Penny by my side, working her way into my life just as thoroughly as Tangerine? I thank the universe that I’m lucky enough to experience them.

“Yeah. Izzy Day, which is the best day, obviously. But also James Day, Sebastian Day, and Cooper Day.”

I like the thought of a shirtless Cooper in board shorts. “I guess I’ll have to hope he invites me.” “Oh, he will.” Izzy reaches up on her tiptoes to grab some blue plastic tablecloths. “He’s in love with you.”

“You’re not going to lose me. Whatever it is, you’re not going to lose me.” She sniffles. “How can you know?” My breath catches in my throat. I’ve never said these words before, but they’re truer than anything else in the world, and there’s no use holding back when Penny needs to know once and for all that for as long as she lets me, I’ll be hers. I can’t recall the moment I realized; it could have been a thousand different ones, brief moments coming together to create a constellation that’s imprinted on the fabric of my soul. Every time she smiles at me, I fall in love all over again. “Because I love you.”

She plasters herself to me, hiccupping. “You said you loved me.” I squeeze her tightly in answer. “Do you still?” Her voice is barely audible. “Did I fuck it up?” “No, baby. You didn’t fuck up anything.” I rock her in my lap.

“I love you, and I’m not going to stop.” “I want to say it.” She digs her fingernails into my back. “But every time I try, the words fall apart.” My heart thuds. I do want her to say it. I want her to say it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But she just gave me a huge piece of herself, and I can’t push. I need to trust that it’s coming, however terrifying it is to wait. “You take your time,” I murmur. “I’ll be right here.”

“I turned off my phone and computer,” he says. Tears prick my eyes. So much for not crying. “Really?” “It’s just the two of us, Red. I can show you.” I nuzzle his beard as I shake my head. “I trust you.”

“Let’s just stop pretending,” I say, suddenly so tired I feel it in my bones. I wish I was anywhere but here, having this conversation, but I have no choice. The train has left the station. I can’t turn back. “Stop pretending when I know the truth. James has always been your favorite, especially now that he’s the next you. When you look at Sebastian, you just see your dead best friend. Izzy’s your perfect little girl and can do no wrong. Me? I’m your fuckup, and I’ll never stop being that, no matter how hard I try.” “Is that what you really think?” “When I made captain, it’s like you didn’t even care.” I press my palms to my eyes, trying to hold back the tears. I haven’t cried in front of my father since I was a little kid, and I’m not about to do it now. “I worked really fucking hard to get there, and you just pointed out my mistakes.”

By the time I get to Penny’s house, I can barely see through my tears. I thought I cried hard the night of my birthday, after Penny fell asleep and I didn’t have to be brave for her anymore, but this is worse. I manage to park the truck, and somehow, I find myself ringing the doorbell. Coach answers it. When he sees me standing there, he pulls me into a hug. He doesn’t even say anything, just shuts the door behind us, letting me lean on him with all my weight. His hand rubs my back soothingly. “Hey,” he says. “Hey, son, it’s okay. Take a deep breath.”

“You know, you’ve been a shitty dad to him.” He blinks. “Excuse me?” Blake, still crumpled up on the floor, laughs. “Oh, this is funny.” “Shut up,” I snap at him. “You’re an impotent fucking worm and I hope I never see you again after tonight.” “Holy shit,” James says. He looks a little scared of me, which would please me under other circumstances, but right now, I ignore him, taking a step closer to Richard. I’m getting the drift of how he operates, but what’s the use of love if you’re not open about it with the people you care about? “All he’s ever wanted is to feel like you cared.” “I do care.” He winces as he rolls his shoulder. “I would do anything for him.” “So tell him! Tell him that!” “He knows that—” “No. He doesn’t, that’s the problem. Do you know how excited he was to tell you he made captain? And how upset he was when you didn’t tell him how proud you were? Maybe if you weren’t so shitty about telling your son that you loved him, he wouldn’t feel like he needed to buy his uncle’s affection.” I spit out the words. Maybe I shouldn’t be speaking like this to my future father-in-law—at least, who I hope will be my future father-in-law—but whatever. He needs to hear it. If he just fucking listened to Cooper, if he’d given him what he needs, none of this would have happened.

I can’t believe I was ever afraid to tell him about my feelings. That I thought I could give him my trust without my heart. I don’t want to be anything like Richard, struggling to tell his own son how he feels. I love Cooper, and if I’m being honest with myself, I started falling for him the moment we first spoke.

He glances down at my feet, then back at me. He arches an eyebrow. “Risking your toes for me, Red?” I smile, relief flooding through me. If he’s okay enough to tease me, then that’s a good sign. “Cooper, I’m so sorry.” His expression shutters. “I’m sorry I left you there.” “It’s okay. I mean, I’m worried about you, and I’m sort of worried I am going to lose a toe, but it doesn’t matter. Because I love you.”

“Penny,” he says, his voice breaking. “Please, Cooper. I’m choosing you first. Over everything. Choose me back.”

His hand strokes down my back, and he murmurs, low and rough, “I’d choose you in every universe. I took my heart out of my chest and handed it over to you, raw and red, and it’s yours forever. You own it, and even if you try to give it back, if you abandon it, I won’t take it.”

“Don’t even say that word,” he murmurs. “When we get married, that’s it, Red. Tangy’s just going to have to deal with us being insufferable.”

He puts his chin on top of my head, sighing like he’s put upon. “You’re shaking. We’re not declaring our love for each other and then dying in a snowbank in the middle of Manhattan, come on.”

Her snoring, too. But I’ll never tell her that one. I can’t believe that I considered, even for a second, about giving her up. She’s right. No matter how it started, we’re it for each other.

My eyes widen. “You did what?” “It needed to be said, and I’m not sorry.” “Holy shit, I wish I’d been there to see that.” “I think I terrified James.” She winces. “I might’ve called your uncle an impotent worm, too. I was just so mad.”

“True,” he says wryly. “But when it comes to my children, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.” He sighs again. “Cooper, I haven’t been a very good father to you. When I saw how you looked last night—my heart broke. I’m sorry that I fucked up things so badly. And I needed to hear it. I hope you’re planning on keeping that girl around, because you could use her in your corner.” I duck my head, a small smile on my face. “She’s the best.” “And you deserve the best. You deserve a father who doesn’t make you question his love.”

“I do love you. I’ve loved you since the moment your mother and I found out we were going to be lucky enough to have another son.”

“I’ve always been proud of you, even when I haven’t shown it. I’m especially proud of the man you’re becoming. And I’m sorry you doubted that. I’m sorry you felt like nothing you ever did was enough.” My vision blurs with tears of my own. I blink them back impatiently. “Why’d you never . . . just say that? Like when I made captain, why’d you act like you didn’t care?” “I did care. I was so fucking proud of you I could barely talk.” He laughs bitterly. “But I’d just heard about your uncle from James. I was trying to protect you, and of course, all I did was drive you right to him.”