So This Is War (Vancouver Agitators, #5)

by Meghan Quinn

Levi: You think she doubled down? Penny: One thousand percent. This is a classic case of double downing. Ollie: What is double downing? Winnie: Where she was trying to accomplish a task, was caught, so she doubled down on said task to try to accomplish it further. Can’t imagine what a triple down would be. Levi: Oh fuck, is that an option? Penny: Triple down would be shirtless. Guaranteed. Blakely: Ooo, or accidental tit pic text. “Ooops, didn’t mean to send that to you.” Levi: I won’t survive a triple down. I know I won’t. How do I prevent the triple down? Penny: Pretend the double down doesn’t affect you. Levi: But I’m hard! Ollie: Then take a freaking Xanax, for fuck’s sake. Honestly, how can you be that hard all the time? Did you not play with yourself last night? Levi: I was too nervous to touch it. I didn’t want it to explode. The skin was really tight. Blakely: *vomits* Winnie: Dear God, Posey. Ollie: Why am I a part of this again?

“Who the hell are you texting?” Silas asks, gesturing to my phone. “No one in particular, why?” I tuck my phone away in my bag just in case one of the girls text back. “Because you’ve been buried in your phone since the minute you got in the locker room,” Pacey says. “So? So were you guys. You’re always buried in your phones.” “No, we weren’t. We were discussing the different William Sonoma bread in a bag flavorings,” Eli says. “And from someone who loves a pumpkin flavor, you sure as hell were silent when Halsey said the pumpkin crumble one was shit.” I sneer at Halsey. “Your palate is undignified.” “Says the guy who eats bologna daily,” Halsey says. I stand from the bench and move past them, heading out of the locker room and toward the ice for some warm-ups. “First of all, the bologna I get isn’t just any old Oscar Mayer bologna; this is refined bologna from a deli. The finest in the land. And second of all, there have been articles about how people who like bologna are more intelligent than non-bologna lovers.”

“Posey!” Coach yells, scaring the living daylights out of me. “What the hell are you doing?” Mother of fuck, I think I just piddled.

Penny: Ew, did she see your O face? Levi: For the record, I have a nice O face. I saw it in a mirror once and congratulated myself on a dignified and respectable way to experience an orgasm.

Levi: It was one of the tasks I gave her. Ollie: Soo . . . Levi: And she didn’t do it properly. Blakely: The actual horror . . . Winnie: Wait, ladies, I think he’s trying to say that she didn’t do the task properly, which means she didn’t take it seriously, which means . . . maybe she knows that he wasn’t taking his boss duties seriously. Levi: Winnie, you’re my new favorite. Ollie: Uh, that seems a little hasty, don’t you think? Penny: Do you really want to be his favorite? Ollie: Just nice to be considered. Winnie: I accept Queen Bee Number One as my title. Thank you.

Ollie: OMG, you guys are right. This is the classic double down with a vengeance. She knows about you and her dad working together, and she’s getting back at you by torturing you with her eroticness. Penny: *Whispers* Erotic torture. Levi: What the hell is erotic torture? Ollie: Oh, you poor, poor man.

Levi: Okay, now I’m scared. How the hell do I battle the mistress of sex, the erotic torture lady? Blakely: Great question. Anyone? Penny: Thinking. Ollie: Well, we could . . . uh . . . Winnie: There’s the . . . uh . . . Blakely: You know, we could . . . well, no, that won’t work. Penny: *thinks* Levi: This is not helpful!

Penny: You guys, this doesn’t seem like a good idea. We’re talking about Posey here. Do you really think he can go into war, an erotic war, with wielding just his body as a weapon? Ollie: I have to admit, I’m a little nervous about this tactic. Winnie: I have confidence in him. Levi: I appreciate the confidence, but do we not remember the torture I’ve been through the last week? How the hell do you expect me to fight temptation with well . . . temptation? Seems like a recipe for my penis to easily slide inside of her main hole. Blakely: I TOLD YOU NEVER TO USE THAT TERM AGAIN! Ollie: You make it hard to help you, Posey. Penny: Hold on, ladies. Posey, don’t you want revenge? Don’t you want to show her who has the upper hand? You do, right? Levi: I don’t know. Her nipples sort of have the upper hand at the moment. Winnie: For the love of God, Posey, man up!

“Uh, you ditched us last night.” “So,” I say as I grab a protein smoothie at the end of the buffet and sit at the table where Silas, Eli, and Halsey are already sitting. “You guys ditch me every night.” “I don’t,” OC says as he picks up a plate and follows Pacey. “I’m there for you, man.” “You ditched me the other night.” “For a friend I haven’t seen in a while,” he defends. “Normally, I’m there for you, stroking your ego, telling you what a beautifully strong man you are.” “Jesus Christ, this guy,” Silas says. “Sucking up to Posey because you think he’s going to help you with your love problems?” “No,” OC says and then winces at me. “Maybe a little.”

“All in good time.” “Is that because you’re trying to figure out your own love life?” Eli asks as he takes a bite of a floppy piece of bacon. There are two types of people in the world. People who let a piece of bacon slap their chin after biting into it, and people who like their bacon to turn into dust in their mouth after one bite. The floppy-bacon chin-slappers, those are the people you need to look out for. They’re the freaks. The wild ones. The type of person who thinks it’s funny to say things like . . . “Oh, long time no see” even though they saw you five minutes ago. I’d suggest detaching yourself from that type of person. They’re unsavory, untrustworthy, and loose cannons. Unfortunately for me, it’s too late to detach from Hornsby. But save yourselves! “I don’t have a love life,” I say while I pick up my piece of crispy and erect bacon. No flaccid meat on my plate, that’s for damn sure.

“Nothing is going on there, and also, keep your fucking voice down because everyone knows who my new assistant is, and the last fucking thing I need is gossip to be spread about Coach Wood’s daughter. He’d have my dick in a vise so fast, I wouldn’t even know he tore my pants down.” “The imagery on that,” Eli says while shaking his head. “Fuck.” “Yeah, not sure Coach Wood is the one to pull pants down,” Pacey says. “I think it would be more of a stare that would scare your pants right off your body. Like a Darth Vader, Kylo Ren-type move. One lift of his hands and blamo, pants are off.” Silas nods. “Yeah, that feels right. Can’t see him taking the time to unbutton your pants only to yank them to your ankles.” “I’ve seen him fumble with his pen before,” OC says. “Not sure the dexterity is there to make a smooth transition on the pants.” “You saw him fumble his pen?” Eli asks, horror on his face. “Did he know you saw that?” “No.” OC shakes his head. “Fuck, imagine if he did? I wouldn’t have eyes. He would have popped them out with an old one-two jab-jab to the eye sockets. I’d be eyeless.” “It would be unfortunate,” Pacey says. “But it would serve you right for catching him in such a vulnerable state.”

We might talk a big talk, but there’s no way in hell any of us would ever say what we said in front of Coach Wood. No fucking chance. I can feel his eyes on me the moment he starts looking around, but instead of looking up, I take great interest in the fluffiness of my eggs. What do they do to make them so fluffy? Is it more milk? Cottage cheese perhaps? Maybe they⁠— “Posey!” Yup, saw that coming. I look up at Coach Wood who has his arms crossed, staring daggers at me. “Hey, Coach,” I say. “Good morning. What a great shave job this morning. Very smooth.” “Shut up and come here.” Not accepting compliments. Okay. Although, if another man told me I did a nice shave job, I’d offer a thank you, but it just seems we were raised differently. Someone never taught him to express gratitude for compliments.

I scratch the back of my neck. “Well, can I just put it out there that maybe I wasn’t the right guy for this? You know, Silas is more of an asshole than I am. He might be the one you’re looking for.” “I don’t want Silas in on this. I need someone who is unattached to a woman who softens him. I thought you were tough. Hard.” Well, I’m hard, that’s for damn sure, but I don’t think that’s the version of hard he’s talking about.

“Coach Wood, with all due respect, I’m all for asking her to do just about anything, but sleeping on the floor is out of the question. I can be an asshole, but I’m not comfortable with that.” “But you’re comfortable sharing a room with her?” I let out a frustrated sigh. “Honestly? No. I said that just to, I don’t know, be a dick. But I’d prefer, for you know . . . manly release’s sake, for her not to be there.” He cringes. “You’re disgusting.” “Oh come on, everyone fucking does it. Even you,” I say, gesturing to him. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t even flinch. Huh, maybe he doesn’t. Nervously, I shift. “From the look in your eyes, I’m going to guess you haven’t touched your penis in over a decade.” His nostrils flare. “Do you really want to be talking about my penis?” “Not really, but I tend to ramble when presented with uncomfortable situations like this one.” He’s silent, so I continue, “Do you watch porn?” “Shut. The. Fuck. Up,” he growls. “My pleasure.” I clamp my mouth shut.

Penny: Let me get this straight, he doesn’t want you fucking his daughter, but he’s now requiring her to sleep in your hotel room with you? Levi: That would be correct. Ollie: Why are men so confusing? Blakely: Halsey isn’t confusing. He’s perfect. Winnie: Pacey is pretty perfect too. Penny: Eli can be an idiot a lot of the time. Ollie: Silas is stubborn and only wants things done his way, which doesn’t settle well with me sometimes. That’s why I give him a lot of hell, and he ends up spanking me. It’s a win-win for everyone. Levi: That’s great and all, but can we get back to me? She knows this will all be a ploy from her dad, so how do I handle this? Do I still fight fire with fire? An epic battle between penis and vagina, who will weep first? Blakely: Ew, can we not have genitals weeping please? Winnie: Why can I picture a weeping penis so well?

Levi: She’s in my hotel room. Do I massage? Luckily and surprisingly, they text right back. Penny: Yes. For sure. Winnie: It will be a nice gesture, and it will be sexual. Blakely: Use lotion and straddle her thighs so she can feel your dick when it goes hard because we know it will. Ollie: Don’t forget an accidental side boob graze. Penny: For sure, the side boob. Winnie: Love a good side boob. Blakely: Side boob for the win. Ollie: I go feral for side boob. Levi: Will she think it’s accidental? Penny: Who cares. Get that tit, Posey!

Levi: Maybe give better advice. Blakely: Whoa, where did all this hostility come from? A few days ago, we were queens, and now we’re a step above the boys? I need an explanation. Winnie: Sometimes I think my advice isn’t that much better than Pacey’s. Penny: Winnie, pull yourself together. Of course your advice is better than Pacey’s.

Ollie: Why did she fall asleep? Levi: Because I have magical hands that not just handle a hockey stick, but will massage all your worries away. Should have known the kind of powers I possess. Winnie: Pacey has great hands. And a great penis. God, I love his penis. Penny: Winnie, babe, I know you’re missing him, but remember, the sister is in this text thread. Winnie: Sorry. I just miss his dick. Ollie: I miss Silas and his piercings. God, I love it when he tells me to ride them. Blakely: I miss Halsey’s tongue. And his chest. I love playing with his nipples. Levi: Really not interested in hearing about the above. Also, side note, Halsey does have great nipples. Blakely: Have you touched them? Very responsive. Levi: Can’t say that I have but will be sure to accidentally graze them in the showers and see what happens. Winnie: Ooo, graze Pacey’s nipples too! I bet they harden like little pebbles. Ollie: While you’re at it, poke Silas’s stomach. His nipples will shrivel up quickly. I do it all the time. I laugh about it, but he hates that I do it. Levi: Any place on the stomach, or is there a certain spot? Penny: Uh, hello! We’re being blamed for someone else’s faults. Focus, ladies.

Winnie: It would have been nice if he called himself pathetic in the apology. Blakely: I agree with that. An insult to himself would have been the icing on the cake. Levi: I’m a pathetic little man. Please don’t leave me. < - - that better? Winnie: Much. Penny: We shall take the night to think about this apology. But this is your one and only warning. We’re the key to your success. Never forget that. Ollie: Never! Winnie: *points finger at you* Never. Blakely: *Huffs* Levi: Thank you, Queens. Thank you.

“Think you can lotion my shoulder blades for me? They’ve been feeling dry, and it’s hard to reach them.” “Oh, uh, sure,” I say as I walk up to his towering body. I take the lotion from him, squirt it in my hand, and then place my hand on his warm back. His muscles jolt under my touch, and I have to take a few calming breaths to avoid getting excited over the fact I’m touching him. No, not just touching him, but rubbing him. Would he be mad if I rubbed him all over? Down his chest, to his stomach . . . under his briefs? Maybe he wants me to lotion his legs too. Possibly a full-body experience? I’m not opposed.

She’s the kind of woman I could see with Levi. She’d hold her head high while they walked down some red carpet together. She’d smile for the camera when they visited the local children’s hospital. She’d wave to fans while in the stands, watching her man play, and she’d do it with a princess wave. Everyone would fawn over her. There would be T-shirts made. Team Jessica. Go Jessica’s Man. I’m here for the Jessica content.

He also had me run a few errands, like grabbing him some bologna for the game tomorrow and for a snack today. I watched him stuff a sandwich in his mouth with three bites. It was equally impressive and disgusting.

He scratches the side of his head. “Or do I want tacos? I love a taco in my mouth.” “There aren’t tacos . . .” I pause and look up at his grinning face. “Why are you the way that you are?” I ask.

“And what game is that? Because I know I’ve been a part of this from the beginning, but I’m still confused. What the hell is going on?” “The who is going to break first game,” I say. “And when you say break, you mean . . .” “Give in to the eroticism. Come on, Sandie, keep up.” “Right, right. We’re always coming back to the eroticism.” “Exactly.” I shake my head. “God, he thought he was so good. He thought he could just skate on by, drive me nuts with his pectorals on display and his bulge ready to be unwrapped. Ohhhh no, I see right through him. When I said this is war, I meant it, Sandie. Time to strap on the war paint.” “You know, you sound a bit, um, unhinged at the moment, and I just want to make sure we’re maintaining our goals.” “Oh, we’re maintaining them all right. We’re controlling our goals. We’re taking the men by the dick, and we’re making them all suffer.” “Okay, so when you say things like that, do you mean you’re taking your dad by the dick as well? Because although I enjoy the play on words, I’m just afraid we’re not thinking entirely straight here.” “I would never grab my dad by the dick.” “Good, okay, now I feel like we’re⁠—” “But I would grab him by the man nipples.” “Ehh, okay, now we’re back to me being concerned.”

“Ah, I see. So we’re not going to tell him that you know he knows that you know? We’re just going to continue this battle?” “Battle? Ohhhh no, Sandie. This is war now. All of this is war. I was sidetracked for a second there, trying to please my dad, but not anymore. I’m doing this for me and me alone.” “I like that attitude, but what are you going to do?” I squeeze the phone in my hand and say, “Erotic torture is back on.” “Oh dear God in heaven . . .”

Levi: She knows that I know that she knows. Penny: That strangely makes sense. Ollie: How do you know? Levi: Not much time. Out to dinner with her, she scuttled away and is talking on the phone. Probably to her friend. She keeps looking over at me. No doubt she knows. Winnie: Think she’ll confront you? Levi: No, I think she’s going to bring it. Blakely: What do you mean? Penny: Like fight your fire with her fire? Levi: Yup. Queens, prepare yourselves because I think this is the climax. We’re about to walk into dangerous territories. Ollie: Why am I excited? Winnie: I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wishing I was a fly on the wall. Penny: Are you going to hold strong? Blakely: Or are you going to fold? Levi: What do you guys think? Ollie: Hold strong. Winnie: Don’t cave. Penny: Do whatever you can not to fuck her, but almost fuck her. Blakely: This is your moment. Prove to us that you can handle this! Levi: I will. I can. I shall not break. Penny: That’s our boy! Blakely: Make her sweat! Winnie: Make her yearn. Ollie: Spank her! Penny: No spanking, Ollie. But . . . maybe a little accidental choking could work.

Levi: Reporting in. I’m going full force. I jacked up the AC in the hotel room to force her into my bed. Ollie: Clever. Penny: What’s the plan for sharing a bed? Winnie: Levi, you realize her nipples are going to be incredibly hard. Can you handle it? Levi: I want her nipples hard so they’re more sensitive. And the plan . . . to tease the ever-living fuck out of her. I want this over by tonight. I want her begging me, so I can win and it all be done. Ollie: Well, I just got horny. Penny: You’re always horny. Winnie: I’ve never met anyone hornier than you, Ollie. Levi: I’d agree with that statement. The horniest. Ollie: I wear the label with pride. Penny: Well, good luck. I approve. Winnie: Approved. Ollie: Go for it! Levi: Where’s Blakely? Blakely: Trying to have phone sex with my man, so stop texting!

“You’re really fucking annoying, you realize that?” “You’re calling me annoying? You’re the most annoying person I know. The most annoying person the entire team knows.” “I beg to differ. You all obviously don’t know how to look in the mirror.” “Denial is an ugly thing, Posey,” Eli says in a scoff. “Which is why you shouldn’t be denying the fact that you’re annoying.” I pat him on the cheek. “That pretty boy face is going to turn into an ogre expression. Might even grow a single black hair on the tip of your nose.” Eli’s expression falls flat. “My case in point.” “That’s not annoying. That’s just stating facts.”

“And we made you this,” Eli says, pulling a sandwich from behind him. “And when we say made, we mean we bought it for you.” He sets it in front of me, and I don’t even have to open it to know that it’s a bologna sandwich. I glance up at my friends and press my hand to my heart. “You did this for me?” “We did,” Pacey says. “Even Halsey, but he’s reading in the back and told us not to disturb him because he just came to a plot twist. But he sends his love.” “Wow,” I say, glancing down at the sandwich. “This means a lot. Thank you.”

“I love bologna sandwiches,” she whispers. “So do I,” I whisper back. “That’s how I know we’re meant to be together.”

“What’s going on?” “He took me to a sex club, I touched a woman’s breasts, he was hard as stone, I broke, we fucked . . . twice, and now he’s claimed me as his, and I’m about to go to his bedroom where I’ll be sleeping for the foreseeable future.” Her mouth falls open as she stares back at me. She blinks a few times. “Uh . . . how did this all happen in the matter of a few hours?”

“Wait, tattooed?” “Yes, easily the hottest penis I’ve ever seen. And he was right, he has smooth balls. And I really like playing with them. I liked them so much that I truly believe I might suck them. I’ve never done that before, but his balls deserve to be sucked.” Sandie glances at Dale, who’s thankfully oblivious to our conversation, and whispers, “You seriously want to suck his balls?” “Desperately,” I say. “Like I might just go into his room right now, strip him down, and dangle his balls like grapes over my mouth.”

“Do you know what freaks me out?” he asks, the rumble of his chest right beneath my ear. “What?” I ask as I rest my hand on his stomach. “The fact that you like bologna. I’ve never met another person who likes bologna.” I chuckle softly. “I’m starting to think you have a real bologna problem.”

I watch him pull up a text thread, and he starts typing. Levi: ALERT. ALERT! Update. He presses send and then leaves it at that. “That’s how you’re going to open a text message?” I ask. “They like the dramatics,” he says just as his phone starts buzzing. Together, we read the texts. Blakely: Oh God, what now? Penny: I don’t think I can handle any more alerts from you. Ollie: Did you choke her, and it didn’t go over well? I snort at that one. Winnie: Please tell me you didn’t slip and accidentally penetrate her. Was she a willing participant? “Oh my God,” I say on a laugh. “Are they always like this?” “Always,” he says as he texts back. Levi: I took her to a club, watched her feel up another woman, and then she told me not to fuck the woman she was feeling up, and then bam, my dick was inside her. “Jesus, Levi,” I say. “What? It’s a good summary,” he says.

His phone buzzes. Penny: What? You’re texting us while she’s holding your dick? What is wrong with you? Blakely: Like legit, right now, she’s gripping your cock? Winnie: Why would you be texting us while she’s doing that? Focus on what she’s doing. Jesus, Levi. Ollie: You know, I kind of like the idea of him texting us while she fondles him. Can you describe it to us? Penny: Jesus, Ollie, go find Silas!

Levi: She just started playing with my penis. I texted you first, then she stuck her hand down my briefs. She’s really good at giving head, and her pussy is fucking incredible. I fucked her tits earlier, and she sucked me off. You should hear her come, it’s the best sound ever. And she loves my balls. LOVES THEM. I have yet to come inside her, but hopefully, with her hand down my briefs now, that will lead to more. Fingers crossed. “You think I have an incredible pussy?” I ask as he spreads his legs, and I move my hand to his balls. He sighs heavily. “The best, Wylie.” “Thank you,” I say as his phone buzzes. Penny: I don’t know how to respond to this. Ollie: I do. Take a video! Winnie: My God, Ollie! Blakely: And I’m deleting this thread now. Bye.

“Good morning, boys,” I say as I walk into the locker room, feeling like that meme of Leonardo DiCaprio walking along the street, a gleeful pep in his step and a smirk on his face. All my guys look up from where they sit and watch me sit on the bench of the locker room where I start removing my shoes. They’re silent for a moment and then Silas speaks up. “Someone sucked his dick.” “I agree,” Eli says. “I haven’t seen him this happy since the chef put an extra piece of bologna on his sandwich.”

I look up at all my boys. “You’re being offensive.” “Dude, tell us it’s not true,” Pacey says. “I don’t have to tell you anything,” I say. “Can’t a guy just be nice to other guys without the assumption that his dick was sucked?” “Yes,” Silas says. “But when said guy has been a real bastard recently, evasive, basically MIA, then we have the right to question about the sucking of your dick.” “He’s right. It’s the law,” Eli adds. “The law of what?” I ask. “Brotherhood,” OC says. “It’s the law of brotherhood.” “There’s no such law,” I defend. “It’s unspoken,” Pacey says. “Then how do we know it’s enforceable?” I ask. “Because . . .” Eli says. “Because we said so.”

think that he really did get his dick sucked.” “Of course he did,” Silas says. “Just look at his stupid grin. The only time I’ve ever seen him grin like that is after a wild night with a woman and when he tried ground mustard with his bologna for the first time.” “He’s right,” Pacey says. “That grin is reserved for two occasions.” “The question we now pose is . . . who was it?” Silas asks. “Great question,” Eli says. “Could be a random . . . could be the assistant.” “It’s not the assistant,” I say, maybe a touch too quickly and a touch too defensively. “Don’t even suggest that.” “Whoa,” Pacey says as he looks around at the boys. “Just a joke, man.” “A joke that’s not funny,” I say. “He seems pretty defensive,” Silas says. “Very defensive,” OC adds as he leans in close to me and takes a sniff. “He doesn’t smell like he’s lying, though.” “What the fuck does that mean?” Pacey asks. “Gross, dude,” Silas says. Eli points back and forth between OC and me. “The more you two hang out, the more you start to act like each other. I don’t like it.”

He rocks back in his chair, pursing his lips together as he gives it some thought. After a few seconds, he says, “Might not be a bad idea.” Um . . . come again? Did he just say my idea wasn’t bad? My God . . . did he have his dick sucked last night?

Well, that’s certainly a one-eighty. He wants his daughter to have fun. “Yeah, we can work on that,” I say. “Good.” He leans forward now and looks me in the eyes. “Good idea, Posey.” My right nipple just went erect. “Thank you, Coach,” I say as I casually cross one leg over the other. “You know, I was thinking about it the other night, and then bam, it came to me⁠—” “Get the fuck out,” he says, pointing at his door. “Sure. Yup, see you out on the ice.”

Penny: I think that’s smart. Maybe don’t tell him until you know that you’re in love and what you guys have is the real deal. Blakely: Solid advice. No need to disrupt the equilibrium if you don’t have to. Winnie: You can spend these weeks getting to know each other. Ollie: And fucking each other. Levi: Always so eloquent, Ollie. Ollie: That’s what I’m here for.

Blakely: Oh, that was a good idea, Posey. I’m impressed. Ollie: I’m impressed too. Levi: I don’t see why you’re so surprised. I’m not an idiot. Penny: Yes, you are. Blakely: You most certainly are. Ollie: Biggest idiot I know. Winnie: Sorry to say, but you’re an idiot. Levi: Wow, says the happily-in-love women whom I helped form your relationships. Penny: Not this again. Winnie: I asked Pacey about that, and he said you were full of shit. Ollie: Silas said the same. Penny: Eli gave you credit for some of the texting, but that’s it. Blakely: Halsey still says he would have figured it all out on his own either way. Levi: Erroneous! They are all liars, and I hope they burn in hell for it. Ollie: Wow, a bit extreme, don’t you think? Levi: Extreme would have been wishing all of you to burn in hell. I just wished it upon them. I can wish it upon you too if you would like. Penny: We’ll pass.

“Wylie, I need you to unclench.”

“Baby, keep kissing me,” he complains. “Can I show you something first?” “Is it your tits?”

“You know, I’m kind of disappointed in him,” Penny says. “I expected more.” “Did you want him to have bologna sex?” Blakely asks, almost horrified. “I think I would have felt more at ease if he did.”

“So tell me what you have set up for us.” I clear my throat and bring her over to the blanket, where I pull her down with me. I open the picnic basket and pull out two plates, each with a bologna sandwich. She laughs out loud and shakes her head at me. “Oh my God, Levi.” “This is what our romance is built on.” “What are you talking about?” she asks. “That night, when I found out you were the one stealing my bologna in the stadium, that was the night I knew you were meant for me.” “That’s . . . oddly romantic.”

Levi: Boys. I have something important to tell you, but I can’t tell you yet, but when I tell you, it’s going to be very special so get ready for special news. The most special. Silas: ^^^ Always with the dramatics. Pacey: Yeah, why can’t you tell us? Eli: And why are you texting so late? Halsey: I’m silencing this thread right now. Levi: I’m texting because I can’t get it off my mind. I’m so excited. Pacey: Then tell us. Eli: Please don’t make this a thing. Silas: He’s going to make it a thing. He always does. Levi: Taters is right, I’m going to make it a thing. Just prepare yourselves. It’s huge, and I’m not talking about Halsey’s giant dick. Pacey: It’s too late for this. Eli: Remind me to punch you in the nuts tomorrow. Silas: You’re probably my most annoying friend. OC: You know, just stepping in here to say, I live for the drama. Now I’m frothing, excited to find out what he has in store to tell us. Pacey: Jesus Christ. Eli: Shut the fuck up, OC. Silas: I was wrong. OC is the most annoying. Levi: And just like always . . . OC is my favorite.

I head out of the locker room where I find Wylie waiting for me while she talks to Blakely, Penny, and Winnie. Look at her fitting in so well. And that’s another thing, Coach Wood would tell me how he was such a fool for thinking she should finish school because that was his plan. He’d congratulate me on being a supportive boyfriend, then he’d one more time . . . hug me. I’d sniff him. He’d sniff me. He’d say I smell amazing. I’d joke around about buying him the same cologne for Christmas. Our heads would fall back as he roared with laughter⁠— “Posey!” Coach Wood yells. And yup, my balls just crawled up my ass.

“Uh-huh, and what do you want for me?” “If I had it my way?” I point at my chest and start driving again. “You’d be naked, primed, and ready for me every time I get home.” “So, your mistress?” “I prefer the term sex wench.”