The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

by Ross W. Greene

Behaviorally challenging kids are challenging because they’re lacking the skills to not be challenging.

because your child isn’t challenging every second of every waking hour. He’s challenging sometimes, particularly in situations where flexibility, adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem

solving are required.

Challenging behavior occurs when the demands being placed upon a child outstrip the skills he has to respond adaptively to those demands.

kids do well if they can.

The reason reward and punishment strategies haven’t helped is because they won’t teach your child the skills he’s lacking or solve the problems that are contributing to challenging episodes.

If Gus already knows that he shouldn’t kick Sammy, then he doesn’t need a time-out to remind him . . . he already knows. Lack of knowledge about behavioral expectations isn’t what’s getting in his way. If what’s really going on is that Gus is having trouble coming up with the words to let Sammy know that he’s still playing with certain toys, then we need to help him solve that problem (something no amount of time-outs will accomplish). As long as Gus doesn’t have the words,

Because it can get in the way of rational thought, anxiety can have the same effect as irritability.

Difficulty persisting on challenging or tedious tasks

Difficulty maintaining focus > Difficulty considering the likely outcomes or consequences of

Difficulty considering a range of solutions to a problem > Difficulty expressing concerns, needs, or thoughts in words

Difficulty managing emotional response to frustration so as to think rationally

Chronic irritability and/or anxiety significantly impede capacity for problem-solving or heighten frustration

Inflexible, inaccurate interpretations/cognitive distortions or biases (e.g., “Everyone’s out to get me,” “Nobody likes me,” “You always blame me,” “It’s not fair,” “I’m stupid”)

Difficulty appreciating how s/he is coming across or being perceived by others > Sensory/motor difficulties