These losses have to be grieved until the person really gets how much her caretakers were not caretakers, and how much her parents were not her allies. She needs to grieve until she stops blaming herself for their abuse and/or neglect. She needs to grieve until she fully realizes that their abysmal parenting practices gave her that awful gift that keeps on giving: Cptsd. She needs to grieve until she understands how her learned habit of automatic self-abandonment is a reenactment of their abject failure to be there for her. Mourning these awful realities empowers our efforts to develop a
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