Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

by Pete Walker

When despair predominates, a sense of profound numbness, paralysis and desperation to hide may occur.

My efforts to nurture myself in these arrested areas of development were limited and spoiled in early recovery by a feeling of resentment. “Why do I have to do this?” was a common internal refrain.

those who have only tried a Cognitive-Behavioral Approach [CBT] to healing their trauma may feel great resistance to hearing that cognitive work is important. If you are like me, you may have been introduced to it in a way that promised more than could be delivered. Cognitive tools are irreplaceable in healing cognitive issues, but they do not address all the levels of our wounding. They are especially limited in addressing emotional issues,

mindfulness can be used to recognize and dis-identify from beliefs and viewpoints that you acquired from your traumatizing family.

A reluctance to participate in such a fundamental realm of the human experience results in much unnecessary loss. For just as without night there is no day, without work there is no play, without hunger there is no satiation, without fear there is no courage, without tears there is no joy, and without anger, there is no real love.

Recovering is therefore enhanced on every level by safe human help.

recovery is never complete.

And although we can expect our flashbacks to markedly decrease over time, it is tremendously difficult, and sometimes impossible, to let go of the salvation fantasy that we will one day be forever free of them.

When we flashback, we regress to our child-mind which was incapable of imagining a future any different than the everlasting present of being so abandoned.

Emotional abandonment is healed by

real intimacy

real intimacy depends on us showing up in times o...

Understanding how profoundly derelict your parents were in their duty to nurture and protect you is a master key to your recovery.

Suzette Boon,

Coping with Trauma-related Dissociation.

We have an adult status that now offers us many more resources to champion ourselves and to effectively protest unfairness in relationships.

Dysfunctional emotional matching is seen in behaviors such as acting amused at destructive sarcasm, acting loving when someone is punishing, and acting forgiving when someone is repetitively hurtful.

In my own mid-level recovery, I learned that when I was feeling especially judgmental of others, it usually meant that I had flashed back to being around my critical parents. The trigger was usually that some vulnerability of mine was in ascendancy. In response, I then over-noticed others’ faults so that I could justify avoiding them and the embarrassment of being seen in a state of not being shiny enough. Another clue that we are in a flashback occurs when we notice that our emotional reactions are out of proportion to what has triggered them. Here are two common instances of this: [1] a minor upset feels like an emergency; [2] a minor unfairness feels like a travesty of justice.

I believe this type of dissociation also accounts for the recurring disappearance of previously established trust that commonly occurs with emotional flashbacks.

homelessness.

symbol of abandonment!

Ostracism is the worst fate

To the degree that a family is Cptsd-engendering, to that degree is it like a mini-cult. Cults demand absolute loyalty to the leader’s authority and belief system.

An inner critic that has dominated us since childhood, however, does not give up its rulership of the psyche easily. It stubbornly refuses to accept the updated information that adulthood now offers the possibility of increasing safety and healthy attachment.

Our brains have become addicted to only noticing what is wrong and what is dangerous. And as with most addictions, breaking this deeply entrenched habit may require lifelong management.