I usually find that deconstructing codependence involves a considerable amount of grieving. Typically this entails many tears about the loss and pain of being so long without healthy self-interest and self-protection. Grieving also unlocks healthy anger about a life lived with such a diminished sense of self. This anger can then be used to build a healthy fight response. Once again, the fight response is the basis of the instinct of self-protection, of balanced assertiveness, and of the courage that is needed to make relationships equal and reciprocal.
