A Jingle Bell Mingle (Christmas Notch Book 3)

by Julie Murphy

“Hurt her again and I will come to your house with people and never leave. You will never know peace again, Isaac Kelly.

“Isaac, you’re an honorary husband. Go do husband things!”

“Does Steph even like parties? The only time she goes to parties is when she wants to maneuver through a crowd like a shark looking for her next kill.”

Steph is an unknowable woman. That’s what I love most about her. She’s a goddamn onion that I’ll be peeling until the day I die.”

Teddy sat in the armchair near the tree as Steph perched on the armrest beside him in her fur-trimmed silk pajamas and matching robe.

Slay.

“It was a trick, you adorable moron.”

“Apparently, he cut it down from his parents’ backyard. He said, and I quote, ‘My mom is pissed.’”

I want to be your cloud when everyone else wants too much of your sunshine.

Sometimes when you were the happiest person in the room, no one bothered to check in and see what might be brewing under the surface. No one thought to anticipate what you might need when you didn’t appear to need anything at all.

Because I was the sunshine and I was the storm, and I was both of those things at once.

“Tap water is good for the immune system.”

Debateable.

She got me a Christmas present and not just any present. The woman bought me one of the originals of the Hawaiian shirt Al Pacino wore in Scarface.

Dear god.

You would agree that I should take it even if Angel doesn’t get upgraded, right? As a Christmas gift to myself.”

“Please be cognizant of the lighting. I’d hate for them to be backlit.”

“Fucking Christ, Theodore,” Steph said.

“Sorry about the language.” “Her first word was shit,” Kallum said as Winnie slapped his biceps.

I love the stunningly terrifying woman who makes men quake and I love the soft gooey center that yells at nature documentarians for not intervening when a cute little seal is being hunted by a polar bear.” “You’re not supposed to tell anyone that,” Steph said as she wiped away a tear.

It was a moment I wanted to bottle and give to everyone I met in microdoses.

Isaac stood and Mr. Tumnus immediately claimed his chair.

because if ever there’d been a child who’d been so adored and coddled that she assumed every new person she met was a new best friend, it was Grace Lieberman.

“Ever since we told her she was going to be the flower girl, she’s been on a hunt for flowers. Any flowers. All flowers.”

This parenting thing doesn’t seem so hard.” Kallum looked Angel square in the eyes as he tucked a giggling Grace under his arm. “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve played Dark Souls III.” This apparently meant something to Angel, whose eyes went round with horror. “Oh God.”

We’re not choosing a breed just because it shares a name with a High School Musical character.” “But he was only seven hours away from our apartment! And he was so wrinkly!”

You’re going to live happily ever after because you’re going to do all the communicating and compromising shit.”

“Which is also as hard as Dark Souls III,” said Winnie. “Babe, you haven’t even played Dark Souls, first of all—” “Watching you die every five minutes was enough.”

Case in point, the twins. I graciously agreed that you could have the final say on their names.” “Kallum, you wanted to name them Batman and Robin.”

What if she’d remembered that they had two divorces between them and decided that they weren’t any good at this commitment thing and was already on a plane back to LA?

Even Mom thinks the two of you are going to last forever. You know she wouldn’t have bothered to come otherwise.”

They smiled back at him while Bee played with Nolan’s hair under its formal beanie.

Seriously.

Jack Hart and a handsome young man whom Teddy heard was a veterinarian who apparently had decided it would just be easier to move in with Jack and check on Miss Crumpets every day.

Isaac’s Cat Advisory Text Thread, who’d somehow—truly, Teddy still did not understand how—turned into Teddy’s Wedding Advisory Panel.

Kallum scooped up Grace and took her to the ballroom’s entryway, where she was finally given her flowers, and then with unabashed glee, she started flinging handfuls of flower petals at the guests. Kallum crouch-walked behind her to try to aim her hand at the ground, and the result was little heaps of petals all along the aisle, and it was perfect.

How could he love someone so much and be trusted with their love in return and not hopelessly fuck it up?

Everything about her bridal attire showcased the beautiful, cutthroat Steph D’Arezzo the world knew . . . everything except for the cape she wore. It was long and sheer and full and soft, and it fluttered around her as she walked toward him.

Even though Teddy was tall enough to see into the folio and notice that she’d doodled dinosaurs and cute ghosts all over her ceremony notes.

Teddy’s Wedding Advisory Panel had cornered Isaac and Sunny by a Christmas tree, and when he saw one of the grandmas point to Astrid and then he saw Isaac wince, he could guess why. They must have discovered Isaac and Sunny’s little secret: eight months ago, they’d asked Astrid to utilize her internet-given powers to marry them. It had been just the two of them, with Teddy and Jack Hart as witnesses, because no one else had been in Christmas Notch at the time and they didn’t want to wait a day longer.

That after having so much of their lives be matters of Google record, having something just for themselves felt too good to give up.

Steph gleefully weaponized his scarcity to the point where even a single picture of him out and about in Christmas Notch created tidal waves, and his lyrics were dissected with the intensity and granularity of a poem on an AP English test.

Sometimes the best things—the most important things—were the things that no one else could see.

“A Jingle Bell Mingle” became an instant hit the minute it was released, the perfect mix of catchy cheer and that subtle melancholy that was an indelible part of Isaac’s music.

Soon enough they’d learn the importance of lumbar support during the marital act.

“Now we give forever our best shot and live happily ever after.” This last part he said right before placing a kiss on her red lips. “Oh,” Steph said. “I was thinking sex, but the forever thing sounds nice too.” Teddy’s mustache twitched. “Sex?” “Well, yes, but—” “I’m happy with sex,” he said quickly. “Let’s do that. Forget the other stuff I said!”

Haha.