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retired women with big-church-bake-sale energy,
“Almonds are God’s mistake,”
“I almost always carry singles,” I told him earnestly. “You never know when you’ll stumble across a strip club.” He sat on the tiny little stool inside the booth and patted his thigh for me to sit down. “Words to live by.”
I didn’t realize he was a very ancient demon trapped in the body of a feline.” I closed my eyes in prayer. “Praise the dark lord.”
Are you allergy-shaming me?”
Actually, my charcuterie guy in LA makes a fabulous pre-sex board, the No Farty Charty, and—”
“Listen, I don’t have time to be your own personal Oprah, but just nut up and tell him you love him already.
“You can try to stop me, but I’m very tall and I will bite, so I don’t recommend it.”
Sometimes when you were the happiest person in the room, no one bothered to check in and see what might be brewing under the surface.
Sometimes the best things—the most important things—were the things that no one else could see.
