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For all the oldest children who were forced to take on too much responsibility, I see you. For the kids who needed their parents but weren’t the priority, I see you too.
I have to hold it together because that’s my job. Everyone is allowed to break but me. Never me.
“I was already fucked once tonight but couldn’t come. Wanna help me out?”
“If I make you come, I’m fucking you afterward,” I tell him in no uncertain terms. He smirks at me and bites his lip. “Fair is fair. Earn it and you can use me.”
“Nick,” I whimper, my voice sounding to sweet even to me, and I don’t understand it. “Yeah, baby?” “I wanna come. Please.”
“You’re not like anyone else,” he says to the door. “And that scares the shit out of me.”
“You gonna fill us up with cum?” he growls against my skin, setting off shivers. “Yes,” I whine in that little voice he seems to bring out in me. “Good boy, do it. I want your cum all over my dick so I can use it as lube.”
“You like being used, Joey? Filled with cum and sloppy?” “Yes,” I hiss as he thrusts in. “Good.” He leans over me to brush his lips against my ear while he speaks. “I’m going to fuck you like I hate you. Make this hole gape for me.”
“Such a dirty boy, getting turned on by being used.” He bites my shoulder and starts moving. Every thrust is harder, faster, deeper than the last until he’s pounding into me like his life depends on it. I love it. I don’t ever want him to stop. “Use me,” I whimper in that innocent tone that belies what I’m doing. “I get so hard when you talk like that,” Nick growls. “Do sweet boys like being used as a fuck toy?”
“Come for me, use me. Please,” I whisper against his lips, and he shudders. “Make me your cumwhore. I want it.”
“Cinnamon rolls now give me a hard-on.”
I wish I could be what you need.
I need him to need me.
“Stop being perfect.” Nick bites at my lip and kisses the tip of my noise. “I’m only perfect for you.”
“One, you aren’t the only one with baggage. I’ve got some too. Second, having issues or baggage or whatever doesn’t make you undeserving of love or affection or friendship.” His eyes fill with unshed tears, and I pause to make sure I’m really about to say this. To be vulnerable. “I don’t want someone easier. I want you. Just the way you are.”
“You’re worth everything.”
Until I’m alone with Nick. He sees past the front to the core of who I am and reaches out for the broken kid who never got a chance to grieve. The broken kid who’s afraid of a hand up, afraid of comfort, but craves it just the same. I crave it. Crave him. Crave who I’m allowed to be when I’m with him.
“Bullshit. I’ve bent over backward for this family, raising my siblings while you worked to pay off medical bills. Me. Not you. Char has always understood that. You were the unreliable one and Matt decided I was the one to punish for all of it. I was the only one who didn’t get to grieve the death of my father. I promised him I would step up, be the man of the house, watch over Matt and Char. I did all of that while you worked. You were never there. I will not allow you to take any more of my life.”
Baby, you were mine that first night in the bar. You just didn’t know it yet. Label it however you want to. You’re mine and I don’t share.
“I’m not fucking another cinnamon roll.” “How do we feel about bagels? Donuts? Danish? Apple fritter?” I ask him seriously, because I have plans. Lots of delicious plans. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He turns his back to the car and leans against it with his arms crossed. “What? I like my pastries with a side of dick.” Duh. “You’re broken.”
“Oh, I’m scared too. You’re a flight risk, dude. But wanting you is stronger than the fear.”
I’m terrified of losing you but I’m taking the risk because having you is worth it.”
“you should be more careful about where you have special time. You know? Windows are pretty see-through.”
“I don’t know what the future holds, but I know there’s no one else I would rather find out with than you.”
