Definitely Better Now

by Ava Robinson

Emma: *thumbs up* Mitchell: Did you type out thumbs up instead of doing the emoji? Emma: yes that’s how the kids do it. Mitchell: Lol okay. *Thumbs up* I hoped against all hopes that he would send that to someone else. That’s what he got for trying to only date girls who were younger than him. Thumbs-fucking-up.

It felt ancient, primordial; how badly I wanted that entire scent, the smell of a man, of this man, to cover me completely.

“I should go,” I said. “What?” His voice flipped into another register as he stood. I heard the swish of his fly as he zipped himself back into his jeans. He was dressed. I should be dressed. I reached frantically for my shirt and my jeans. Tugging them on too quickly, misaligning seams as they slid their way onto my body. “Emma, please don’t go. Let’s finish dinner, or we can get out of here and get some ice cream or something. The original Ample Hills is like two blocks away.” “No. I should go home.” I couldn’t find my socks. “Emma.” He reached for my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. And I could tell he was being earnest. He didn’t want me to leave. But he didn’t know. If he kept waiting for me, he’d be waiting forever. I was never going to be normal. “It’s okay. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay,” he said. “I’m feeling like it’s just too much, with you being a director and me being an assistant.” I looked him dead in the eyes and swallowed back everything that wasn’t serving me getting out of here as soon as possible. He dropped his hands from my shoulders. “Are you being serious?” “Yeah, I’m being totally serious, Ben. It’s just inappropriate.” I moved to sidestep him. “I don’t believe you. You’re lying. That’s not what’s happening in your head right now.” He moved to block me, putting his stupidly giant body between me and the door. “You have no fucking idea what’s in my head!” We were fighting. This was a fight. And if I had been training for anything my whole ...