Finding Hayes (Magnolia Falls #5)

by Laura Pavlov

To anyone who has ever felt judged, misunderstood, alone or not seen. This one is for you. I see you. XO

Savannah Abbott had the best laugh. Always had. She was the one person who could bring it out of me because she was funny as hell. At least, she used to be. She also used to be a scrawny little thing, with her hair tied back in a ponytail. But today, long caramel-brown waves ran down her back, and she didn’t look like the sixteen-year-old teenager who’d left town in a hurry. Who’d left me.

“Open the goddamn door, Sav,” I said for the third time.

Seeing her upset had always done strange things to me.

There was a peace that came over me, knowing that Savannah was here. Home. My world had always been better with her in it.

Savannah had always enjoyed fixing broken things. Nothing about this surprised me. But she was too smart for her own damn good, and once she got people on their feet, she moved on.

The beauty of Savannah Abbott was her heart. She wasn’t kidding. She’d probably call River the minute the dude was released and try to help him out. She’d always been that girl who showed up for everyone. Until I needed her most.

My father had left me and my sister when we were young. My mother had failed us time and time again, as well. My fiancée had faked a pregnancy and fucked my coworker. And none of those losses compared to the loss of Savannah Abbott in my life.

My woman. Fake or real—it didn’t really matter at the moment. She was here with me, and she felt like mine. Maybe she’d always felt like mine.

His moss-green eyes locked with mine. “I’d like to kiss my wife before I agree to spend my life with her.”

Hayes Woodson had always felt like my home. Until my home was shattered, and he’d turned on me like everyone else. I swiped at the tear rolling down my cheek and sucked in a deep breath.

Sav, I don’t know what the fuck is happening. I know you’re going through a lot right now, but I can’t believe you moved without talking to me. So fucking much has happened, and I don’t know how to reach you, and I’m losing my shit. Barry and my mom had a fight. Saylor got hurt. It was bad. She went to the hospital, and I lost my shit on him. They held me for a few hours down at the police station. Where the fuck are you, Sav? I’ve called and texted, and it looks like you blocked me. Your mom said you and your dad moved to the city? How the hell is that possible? I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m here. I’m staying with Nash and his dad. Saylor is with King. Jesus Christ, everything has gone to shit. Romeo and River got sent to juvie. I need to fill you in. Everything is a mess. I know you’re upset about your mom’s affair. It’s been a rough couple of weeks for you, and I’m so sorry if I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I don’t know why you and your dad took off. How could you move without telling me? I would walk through fucking fire for you. You know that. Please call me. P & C, Hayes

But Savannah had always had the power to hurt me because she’d implanted herself in the center of my fucking heart from as early as I could remember.

“I was processing.”

“There’s not a lot to process, Sav. You left. I missed you. I wrote you a few letters.”

“There are more l...

I cleared my throat, deciding how real I wanted to be. But we’d gone so long without seeing one another, so I decided to lay it on th...

“Ha...

“Savannah,” I said, mimicking her ...

“Don’t mess w...

“I’m not messing with you. I wrote you once a week for a year. I guess I kept hoping that at some point you wouldn’t return one, and...

“It’s going to sound crazy, so take this for what it is,” I said, using the pad of my thumb to swipe away her tears.

“Tell me.”

“Losing you was tougher on me than finding Kate in bed with Lenny. She was my fiancée, so that was a bit alarming. After you left, I think I really ...

“Try,” she whispered. “Because I changed, too, and it helps to know ...

“Well, I wasn’t a stranger to people leaving, people letting me down. My father taking off and starting a new family taught me at a young age that I couldn’t trust people. My mother allowing a lot of bad shit to happen in our home meant that I could never trust her. My ride-or-die crew are my brothers, and I know they have my back. It’s a brotherhood that took me a long time to fully invest in and trust, and I do. I would walk through fire for any one of them. And Saylor, man, she’s just good to her core, and all I ever wanted to do was protect her from the shit going on around us. I would give my life for hers, and she knows it.” I paused and looked away for a few beats before looking back at Savannah. “But you, Shortcake, you were always different. You were a part of me in a way that I can’t even explain. I would do anything for you, ...

“Get the fuck away from my wife,” I growled, as I moved across the room and stood beside her.

“Yep. It’s not a big deal.” I moved to turn off the light switch on the wall.

“Do you still need the side closest to the door?”

I flipped out the light and moved toward ...

The room was dark. Quiet. I slipped in beside her be...

“Why did you always insist on that side, even when you knew that was the side...

She’d texted me a few times when her parents would have these brutal screaming fights, and I’d sneak out of my house and in through her bedroom window. Because when Savannah...

“Because if anyone ever came into your room, they’d have to go through me to get to you,” I said honestly. I’d lived with a man who was violent during my teenage years, so I assumed ...

“Now, do your husband a solid, and sit on my face. I want you to smother me. I want you to come so hard, you can’t think of anything but my mouth on your pussy.”

“It’s complicated,” he said, his gaze locking with mine. “I’ve been good on my own for a long time, and now you’re here, and you’re all I see. Maybe it was always you, and that’s why nothing else ever worked when you were gone. Maybe you’ve been what’s missing all along.”

A lump formed in my throat, making it hard to breathe as I forced my voice to work. “You got your best friend back.”

“You’re more than my best friend, Sav. I like coming home to you. I like knowing you’re in my bed, even when I’m not there with you. Knowing that you’re waiting for me. Knowing that everyone thinks you’re mine. Because you are mine, Savannah Woodson. And I know you only married me because you had to, and I’m not the guy you’d choose in a different situation because I can’t give you all the things that ...

My jaw hung open, completely stunned by his words. “You wan...

He rolled his eyes. “I just said all that, and that’s all...

“I feel the same way, Hayes. I think about you when I’m not with you. And of course, I worry that I’m getting too attached, because I don’t know how this e...

“Why do we have to? Hell, I’d stay married to you if I knew you wanted that. I don’t want this to end, Sav. Now that I’ve got you back, I don’t want to let you go. Not now, not in another month, not in an...

Sav, It’s been two months today since you left. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I’m struggling. I know I told you that Saylor is staying at the Pierces’, and I’m staying with Nash and his dad. Romeo and River are stuck in that shithole of a place, and we can’t see them. But they write us letters. So, I’m going to keep writing you until you decide to read one and write me back. I can’t believe my dad wouldn’t even step up knowing that Saylor and I were going to be put into foster care. He’s got all this money, Sav, and he can’t be bothered. Who does that? And my mom, she’s staying with that bastard. He put Saylor in the hospital, and she’s still with him. She lost her kids, and she’s still fucking with him. I don’t know how they can call themselves parents. I hate them for doing this to Saylor. I know she’s freaking out because we’ve never been separated. Thankfully, I get to see her every day, and I know King’s looking out for her. I promised her I’ll get us our own place as soon as I graduate. I’ve got to get her out of that house. Mark my words… I will never be selfish like my parents. I’ll do whatever it takes to look out for Saylor. How do these assholes get to call themselves parents? Please tell me that you’re okay. I don’t understand why you left. I’m dying without you, Sav. You’re the only one who truly knows me. I need you. Please call me. Peas and carrots forever, right? I’ve got the tat to prove it. I miss you. Hayes

Sav, It’s been five months since we spoke. I’m fucking miserable. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly worried about you. Saylor is doing well, and I think living with the Pierces has actually been good for her. She and Pearl have bonded. They garden together every day, and that’s been good for her to have some stability. But I worry about you. I heard Ben Jones left his wife and moved to the city with your mom. I’m sure this is awful for you, as you’re probably going back and forth between your father’s house and your mother’s house. What the hell is wrong with our fucking parents, Sav? They’re all so fucking selfish, and they don’t realize the way it affects us. We’re the ones who pay the price for their fucked-up choices. I swear, Sav, I’m never having kids. Any dumb fuck can have a kid nowadays, and they don’t have a clue the damage they could do. I hate my parents for what they did to me and Saylor, and I hate your parents for taking you away from me. I’m not okay, Sav. It’s like someone has cut out half of my heart since you left. I can’t talk to Kate, and she’s constantly bitching at me for being grumpy. You’d hate me now… I’m grumpier than I used to be, which is hard to believe. I always thought I looked out for you, but the reality is you were the one looking out for me. Talking me down from my anger. Keeping me in check. You’re my North Star, Shortcake. And without you, I’m lost. I’m so fucking lost, Sav. Please call me. I’ll come to you wherever you are. I’ll bo...

Sav, Six fucking months. I can’t believe I’m still writing you letters when you don’t even open them or read them. But somehow, it helps to write to you. It makes me feel close to you. I want to hate you for leaving me. I try to hate you, Sav, but I can’t. Kate’s trying to fill your shoes, but I can’t talk to her. Not the way I talked to you. And she’s a cold person, so I don’t trust her. A part of me feels like maybe that’s what I deserve. Someone who I can’t hurt because sometimes I think she doesn’t have actual feelings. I don’t have to worry with her. Maybe we deserve each other. My mother is still with Barry. She’s a horrible example for Saylor. She married two men that have shit on her children. How will I ever forgive her or respect her after all that’s happened? She had the audacity to tell me that someday I’d understand how difficult it is to do the right thing when I have kids of my own. Sav, I laughed in her face. I’m never having kids. I’m never going to do to anyone what my parents have done to me and Saylor. Tell me how you’re doing. Please. I need to know you’re okay. Why won’t you speak to me? What did I do to make you leave and cut me out of your life? I know I’m not an easy guy to be around. I get that. But you were the one person who appreciated me for who I am. I miss you. I’m not giving up on you, Sav. Peas and carrots. I’ve got the tattoo to remind me of you every day. Of us. Please call me. Hayes

Hey Sav, Seven fucking months and no word from you. Saylor and I have been back home for a couple of weeks now, and, of course, Barry is here. My mother is acting like we’re one big happy family. It’s completely crazy. This dude hurt Saylor, and now we have to fucking live here. I could handle it if you were living next door, Sav. Or even if you just replied to one letter. One fucking letter. I’m losing my mind. I miss you. So much has happened, and I can’t wrap my head around it. All these firsts that I realized I’d never done without you. My first birthday without you has come and gone. I was sure you’d call. Kate threw a party for me at her parents’ house, and she didn’t invite the guys. So none of the people there were my friends. I hated every minute. I snuck out early and met the guys at Romeo’s dad’s gym, and we drank a beer in the alley. Kate didn’t talk to me for three days, and I can’t say I minded it. But she’s back now. She just shows up, you know? Maybe she’s one of the few people who can actually tolerate me. Anyway, I had my first football game. I realized it was the first time I’ve ever played a game where you weren’t there. I’ve got my guys there, cheering for me. Kate’s a cheerleader, so she’s out there shouting her ass off for me. Yet I feel completely alone because you aren’t here. Fuck. I’m probably just tired. Tired of writing letters that you’ll never read. I had some scouts out at the game, but I don’t know if college is even an option anymore. We’d...

“There is no perfect time to be pregnant or to have a child. You’ll never feel like you have enough money or enough time to bring a baby into the world. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right time, and I speak from experience.”

“Sav, it’s been one year today since you left. I said I’d write every week for a year, and if you didn’t answer, I’d stop writing. So, this is the final letter I’m going to send, and I fully expect it to be returned.”

“Today I went out to see Abe. That’s how desperate I am. I don’t feel like myself, even after all this time. I didn’t mention the letters to him. I just asked if he’d heard from you. He told me he had and that you seemed to be doing well. He’s a loyal fucker, so he didn’t give me much. But I’m not going to lie. It pissed me off. You talk to him all the time, and you won’t even read my letters or pick up the damn phone and call me. I just don’t get it.”

“Abe told me not to give up on you, but he didn’t tell me anything more. I started to leave, and he stopped me. He asked me if I was still dating Kate, and I said that I was but that I missed my best friend. And then I made some snide comment that you weren’t a very good best friend if you could just up and leave me the way that you did, so maybe I needed to find some new friends.”