Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder

by Arianna Huffington

Stan Goldberg, author of Lessons for the Living: Stories of Forgiveness, Gratitude, and Courage at the End of Life, writes that “the ideas and emotions people carry with them through life often determine the quality of their death.” In other words a “good death” is more likely if you have had a good life. “I’ve come to believe the baggage I’ll tote with me to my death will determine its quality,” he writes. “I’ve learned the importance of doing simple things—telling my family and friends I love them; expressing gratitude for even the smallest kindnesses shown to me; being accepting of the unskillful words and actions of others; and asking for forgiveness when I screw up.”

Terry Gross on NPR’s Fresh Air, Judt explained that with a severe condition like ALS, in which you’re surrounded by equipment and health professionals, the danger isn’t that you’ll lash out and be mean. But, rather, it’s that you’ll disconnect from those you love. “It’s that they lose a sense of your presence,” he says, “that you stop being omnipresent in their lives.” And so, he said, his responsibility to his family and friends was not to be unfailingly positive and “Pollyanna,” which wouldn’t be honest. “It’s to be as present in their lives now as I can be so that in years to come they don’t feel either guilty or bad at my having been left out of their lives, that they feel still a very strong … memory of a complete family rather than a broken one.”

That sense that there’s something bigger than the world we live in dramatically changes our priorities about what is truly important in life. Although

What the experiment also showed is that it’s not enough for us to bump up against death now and again. To be able to incorporate the clock-resetting, course-correcting, empathy-building, perspective-giving power of death into our lives, we need to be in shape for it, much the way those who are in shape can experience profound pleasure from running a marathon. For those not in shape, the experience will likely be a painful struggle. Our relationship with death is just that—a relationship. The dynamic flows both ways. Death can bring something to our lives and, in turn, how we live our lives can bring something to our death.

And, of course, the release of love isn’t just the purpose of death, but also the purpose of life. Yet, for too many of us, the purpose of life is the avoidance of death—by a thousand distractions, by endless busyness, by relentless narcissism, by obsessive overwork. For some, there will come a time when the specter of death brings clarity to what life is all about. But that clarity is available to us now. As Joan Halifax writes, “We are all terminal.” And we are all caregivers—of others and of ourselves. We spend so much time searching for tips on how to extend our lives and eke out a little bit more time. But whether we believe there’s something after this life or not, death has much to teach us about redefining how we live this one earthly life, however long.

There are three basics, three simple practices, that help me live more in the moment—the only place from which we can experience wonder: 1. Focus on the rising and falling of your breath for ten seconds whenever you feel tense, rushed, or distracted. This allows you to become fully present in your life. 2. Pick an image that ignites the joy in you. It can be of your child, a pet, the ocean, a painting you love—something that inspires a sense of wonder. And any time you feel contracted, go to it to help you expand. 3. Forgive yourself for any judgments you are holding against yourself and then forgive your judgments of others. (If Nelson Mandela can do it, you can, too.) Then look at your life and the day ahead with newness and wonder. Giving I

On the question of his own enlightenment the Master always remained reticent, even though the disciples tried every means to get him to talk. All the information they had on this subject was what the Master once said to his youngest son, who wanted to know what his father felt when he became enlightened. The answer was, “A fool.” When the boy asked why, the Master had replied, “Well, son, it was like going to great pains to break into a house by climbing a ladder and smashing a window—and realizing later that the door of the house was open.” —ANTHONY DE MELLO

And every place is full of openings to make a real difference in the life of another human being. There are millions of small missed opportunities at home, in our offices, on the subway, on the street where we live, in the grocery store—what David Foster Wallace called “being able truly to care about other people … over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways, every day.” When we flex our giving muscles every day, the process begins to transform our own lives.

We become virtuous by the practice of virtue, responsible by the practice of responsibility, generous by the practice of generosity, compassionate by the practice of compassion. And we become abundant by giving to others.

In practically every religious tradition and practice, giving of oneself is a key step on the path to spiritual fulfillment. Or, as Einstein put it, “only a life lived for others is the life worth while.” Since Einstein, theoretical physicists have been trying to come up with a “theory of everything” that would explain our entire physical world by reconciling general relativity with quantum physics. If there were an analogous theory of everything in the study of our emotional universe, empathy and giving would be at the center of it. Modern science has overwhelmingly confirmed the wisdom of those early philosophers and religious traditions. Empathy, compassion, and giving—which is simply empathy and compassion in action—are the molecular building blocks of our being. With them we expand and thrive; without them we wither.

As a result, something as vast and epic as the destiny of humanity depends on something as intimate and personal as the shape of our individual lives—the way each one of us chooses to live, think, act, and give. Transforming our narcissistic habits and awakening our giving nature—which is what both the world and we ourselves need—is the work of a lifetime. But once again, it starts with small daily steps. And once again our daily life is the ultimate training. If you told yourself that the goal is to write the great American novel, you might never begin. But you would be far more likely to begin if you told yourself to write one hundred words a day. It’s the same with transforming ourselves: 1. Make small gestures of kindness and giving a habit, and pay attention to how this affects your mind, your emotions, and your body. 2. During your day make a personal connection with people you might normally tend to pass by and take for granted: the checkout clerk, the cleaning crew at your office or your hotel, the barista in the coffee shop. See how this helps you feel more alive and reconnected to the moment. 3. Use a skill or talent you have—cooking, accounting, decorating—to help someone who could benefit from it. It’ll jumpstart your transition from a go-getter to a go-giver, and reconnect you to the world and to the natural abundance in your own life.

But remember that while the world provides plenty of insistent, flashing, high-volume signals directing us to make more money and climb higher up the ladder, there are almost no worldly signals reminding us to stay connected to the essence of who we are, to take care of ourselves along the way, to reach out to others, to pause to wonder, and to connect to that place from which everything is possible. To quote my Greek compatriot Archimedes again: “Give me a place to stand, and I will move the world.” So find your place to stand—your place of wisdom and peace and strength. And from that place, remake the world in your own image, according to your own definition of success, so that all of us—women and men—can thrive and live our lives with more grace, more joy, more compassion, more gratitude, and yes, more love. Onward, upward, and inward!

The Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness, founded by John-Roger, offers a 12-lesson online course on meditation and spiritual exercises for beginners consisting of readings, audio, and video. MSIA’s teachings consist of “active meditations,” or spiritual exercises, with an emphasis on connecting with our inner source of wisdom and peace. The step-by-step guides include instruction on using a mantra, keeping a journal, and meditative breathing. Available for free on msia.org. Chopra Center Meditation Podcast Deepak Chopra’s Chopra Center for Well-Being offers many resources for aspiring and experienced meditators, including a collection of 24 free meditation podcasts. The podcasts include inspiring talks and audio meditations for releasing stress, healing, gratitude, self-empowerment, and more. Download the podcasts on iTunes and listen to them at home, during your commute, or while out on a walk to bring more mindfulness to your day. Available for free on iTunes. Oprah & Deepak Chopra’s Meditation Master Trilogy

SmartVolunteer smart​volunteer.​org With its motto “Skills-based giving—it’s not just for lawyers anymore,” SmartVolunteer provides an easy way to donate your skills to nonprofits and other social enterprises looking for pro bono talent. The site emphasizes opportunities in technology, finance, marketing, and human resources. And if you’re not able to volunteer on-site, you can search for “virtual” volunteer opportunities, which require only a computer with an Internet connection. All for Good allforgood.​org The largest database of volunteer opportunities online, All for Good is a great platform for finding ways to make a difference. Each month, the site hosts 150,000 local volunteer listings in major cities. All for Good also powers United We Serve and is part of Points of Light, the largest volunteer network in the world. VolunteerMatch volunteer​match.​org With about 77,000 opportunities to give back, VolunteerMatch connects you to causes and lets you tailor your searches according to what you care about most. You can simply type in what matters to you in the “I Care About” box. Besides listing opportunities, the site also offers tools that help organizations—from corporations to colleges—encourage employees and students to volunteer and invite others to participate. Almost 100,000 nonprofits use VolunteerMatch for recruiting. Catchafire catchafire.​org Catchafire connects professionals with nonprofits and social good initiatives for pro bono work. If you love the arts...