Never Have I Ever (Campus Games, #1)

by Stephanie Alves

She doesn’t look like she’s panicking anymore, but I can’t leave her. I won’t leave her. Not again.

“You need to stop looking at me like that,” I tell her. She frowns. “Why?” “Because otherwise, this will be over before it even starts.”

“You’re a woman. I expect hair, Rosie. I don’t want you to think you need to prepare yourself for me. Whether you’re waxed or not, I’ll still eat your pussy like it’s a fucking meal. You got that?”

He's just a friend that gives me orgasms sometimes and takes me on adventures, which is totally normal, right?

Grayson: Are you trying to run from me? Because let me tell you, Rosie, no matter where you go, I will scour the earth to find you.

The only thing I’m thinking about is how much longer until I go home to him.

I never want to run from you. Grayson: Thank fuck for that. Grayson: Send pics of your outfit.

Rosie. Every time I see you, I don’t know whether I want to take you out of your clothes or fuck you in them. They drive me crazy. Everything you wear looks amazing on you.

I smile, crashing down on the bed. “Yeah? How was it?” She sighs again. “It’s my home, so I think I’ll always love it. Shopping in New York is always amazing. Ooh, and I had lunch with Emily Livingston.” I freeze at the mention of my mother.

I honestly think I could fall asleep to her voice. It’s so intoxicating, and I wish I could hear it in person right now.

I’m just someone she’s using to get the college experiences she’s wanted and nothing more.

“When are you coming home?”

I’m going to pick her up from the airport and fucking kiss her the moment my eyes land on her.

All I can think of is when I’m going to see her again.

And when this inevitably ends, I’ll be nothing but an experience to her, but she will always be my angel.

“I don’t want to play anymore,” I tell her. Her eyes widen, and a slight frown appears on her face. “You don’t? I shake my head, giving her a hard peck on her plump, soft lips. “I want to fuck you.”

He doesn’t even believe in love, and I think it would be so easy to fall in love with him, if only he let me.

“What do you want, Rosie?” “You. I want you inside of me.” “Yeah?” “Yes.” I whimper. “I’m ready. I want you.” His fingers pull out of me, and he stands up above me. “Fuck, Rosie,” he husks out, holding my head in his hands. “I want you too.”

“How was that?” I smile. I smile because it was perfect. I smile because it was him. I smile because I never want to do this with anyone but him. I smile because I can’t ever tell him that. I smile because I can’t cry. “Perfect,” I tell him.

I know that I’m falling for Grayson, I’m already halfway there. Unfortunately, he will never feel the same. What have you done, Rosie?

I feel a punch in my gut. She trusts me no matter what and doesn't ask me any questions. There is no hesitation; she follows me wherever I go.

Rosie doesn’t know this, but I kept the list. I couldn’t get rid of it.

“Rosie, I’m literally five seconds away from pulling this car over and showing you what that toy will feel like.”

This all started out as helping her become her own person, helping her figure out who she wants to be, but right now, all I can think of is how long this is going to last because it has to end eventually. And I don’t want it to.

He was my father, and I didn’t even know it. And I lost him.

Is this over? I knew it had to happen eventually, but not now. I’m not ready. I fucking need her.

I traded one addiction for another, but right now, I need a hit of the feeling I get when Rosie smiles at me or looks at me or whenever she’s near me.

“No, Rosie. I’m not going anywhere,” I say, pulling her into me and my shoulders relax the moment she wraps her arms around me and cradles her head into my chest.

“It wasn’t your fault. You’re good, Grayson. You’re a good person.”

She feels right tucked next to me, her head fitted against my chest. She feels like she was made for me. And I’m scared as fuck of what that means.

“I’m in love with Grayson.” I breathe out.

If I can't tell him how much I love him, I can show him instead.

“Because I love you!” she yells, lifting her head in time for me to see a tear fall down her cheek.

“I know you’re hurting right now with whatever is going on that you won’t tell me. But let me remind you that my fists still fucking work, whether you’re crying or not.”

I might have hurt her. But she fucked me up even more.

How could he not feel anything for me when he treated me like I was everything?

How can I find someone who will whisper sweet nothings in my ear and call me angel?

“Rosie, te quiero, but you smell of misery and desperation,” she teases, shoving me out of my room.

I want Grayson. I love Grayson, and I can’t have him.

“It’s for my friend over there.” “Does your friend have a name?” He asks. “Leila,” I say. I turn around, and his eyes are still on Leila. “So, that beer?” I ask.

I was the one who said we never happened. Which is complete bullshit. We happened, and we were fucking good.

“You’re head over heels in love with that girl.”

“Love isn’t a made-up concept, Grayson. It’s when you can’t stop thinking about someone. You want every day with them. You trust them. You love everything they do. You love everything about them.”

I love her. Of course, I fucking love her. I want every moment with her. I want to wake up with her, go to sleep with her, share every day with her. I want to teach her everything and share all of her firsts with her. I want to hear her laugh, I want to see her smile, I want to make her happy because she makes me happy just by being around, by being herself. I want her. I love her. “I’m going to get my girl back.”

I have a date with two giant tubs of ice cream and Bridget jones.

“I would never do that to you. I don’t want you to hurt like I’m hurting.”

He leans down until our breaths mix, and his lips almost touch mine. “It means I love you.”

“But… you don’t believe in love,” I somehow manage to say. “I didn’t,” he reaffirms, shaking his head. “Until you.”

“Fuck, you have no idea what you do to me. I want you. Today, tomorrow, and the next. I want you forever. If you’ll have me, I want to be yours. Completely yours, and I want you to be mine.” I nod, I don’t stop nodding, and he laughs, but he doesn’t stop there. “I want to wake up with you, go to sleep with you, go on adventures with you. I want to buy you flowers every single day.” I laugh. “That seems a little excessive—”

“I’ll do anything for you, angel. Everything. I will be the best for you. I will do everything in my power to make you happy. Whatever it takes, I will do it.”